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TRIGGER - How to deal with anger
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EternalDeath posted:
Sometimes I can't help but think of all the really horrible things that people have said to me in the past as a direct result of my bipolar disorder. One memory will pop in my head, which leads to another, and so on and so forth, until within a few minutes I am boiling over with rage ready to lash out at something. And then I get even more angry because there is really nothing I can do about it. No outlet. I can't pinpoint what actually triggers the intrusive thoughts to begin with, but here's how it basically goes once it starts: A memory will just pop in my head of when I was pregnant with my son and I went to my dr. for the monthly visit. I had my oldest daughter with me, at the time she was 5 or 6. I was 26, and hadn't been on any type of medication for mental anything since taking welbutrin as a teen. I was still pretty much in denial of my bipolar diagnosis. I had also been a heavy alcoholic for 10+ years by this time, and being sober while pregnant always made my anxiety a thousand times worse. I'm always really twitchy, sweaty, and shaky when I'm not medicated. I have always had a problem with oily skin and acne, and of course pregnanty makes it worse. ~~~ I'm explaining all of this to give you an understanding of why this dr. (and many other people) have made accusations about me. I'm also explaining all of this because this is exactly how my thoughts go when this happens. Like, I'm telling myself a story... about myself. Yeah, weird.~~~~~ Anyway, so my daughter and I are in the room with the dr. and she asks me if I do speed. I tell her no, haven't touched it since i was 18. She doesn't believe me. She says, "You can be honest with me, you are a tweeker, right?" Right in front of my daughter too!!!! grrrrrrrrr so mad So then, by the end of this tory in my head, I get a series of all of the people throughout my adult life that have accused me of being a tweaker. Then that leads to other thing people have said to me, most often at my darkest, most psychotic times. Things like, 'It's all in your head" or "You have allowed Satan to enter your life" or "You don't have any real problems" or "Where's the manic cleaning? I can read a book on bipolar too" or "There's nothing wrong with you, you're just lazy. You're a low life" How do I deal with this crap? I'm sure I'm not the only one here that has faced this kind of BS, so how do you guys deal with it? Oh, by the way, I'm pretty sure I'm getting manic right now.
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GiGi122906 responded:
I get this way all the time. It's like watching a freaking rerun, and it drives me bonkers. To be quite honest, I used to throw things or punch something to deal with this. Now I simply take a deep breath, cry if I need to, or immediately do something to get myself busy and my mind off of the past. I really don't know if it would work for you to try that, but it might. I usually think of all the jerk-off things my boyfriend said to me at one point in time to piss me off (he also is bipolar), and it absofreakinglutely enrages me. To the point where I'm a b!tch to him, and he can't figure out why, since he didn't do anything wrong (THAT day). I wish there was some way I can turn these thoughts off, but I don't know. I thank you for bringing up this subject, maybe I'll discuss it with my pdoc and see what he says. Sorry I couldn't be more helpful.

Hugs

Gianna
 
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hope7951 responded:
Gee, it sounds like you've had lots of bad experiences in your life and have a lot of things going on mentally and physically. I'm willing to bet you were abused as a child as well. I think you are one of those people who are so deeply wounded inside and out that it showsin the way you walk, hold yourself and in your facial expression. You probably are angry and with good reason but may take it out on yourself and people who are not the ones who wronged you.

Many of us here have a history of childhood abuse, combined with bipolar and many other disorder that we developed while trying to find a good diagnosis including many forms of self-medding. There is hope. When you are born into a bipolar family were the genetics make lots of people around you turn you either into a survivor or not a victim...well you are a survivor. You nned to get on the right meds, get lots of the right therapy and always treat your mind, body and soul better than other people can get away with. You need to hang around with a better class of people...like the ones here who are also fellow surviors.

You need to consider changing you nick name from eternaldeath to eternallife or at less eternal questioning. Joye.
 
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EternalDeath responded:
lol Can I change my name? Maybe I'll mess around with it and see what's available.
 
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bpcookie responded:
aaawwww Eternaldeath, When it comes to my Bipolar I get mixed reactions from ppl. My step mother thinks I should just get a job. LOL. hhhmmmm gee wiz, if I had only known that a job could cure Bipolar then I would have one. Eventually I stopped talking to my step mother about any health problems because obviously she doesnt believe me. Also my step brother was jealous that I didnt work and was on disability. Uuuuummmmm I wish I could work. Now me and him dont talk anymore. My friend used to tell me that she thought I just needed to throw away my meds and I would be just fine. LOL. yea right. So I tend to avoid talking about my health problems to those ppl who dont understand or dont want to understand. Sometimes what I tell myself is "I dont give a *blank* what ppl say". It does seem to help. Maybe you should try it and see if it helps.

Peace and love to you

Cookie
 
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EternalDeath responded:
Nope, it won't let me change my name. That's probably for the best anyway, otherwise I'd be changing it daily to fit my mood. lol
 
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hope7951 responded:
You just have to re-register. Self-image begins with you. Joye
 
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mc1003 responded:
yeppers, if i sit here and think of all the just plain things that people have told me and accused me of i'd be in a rage and probably blow up the whole town.....but i try, now mind you TRY being the keyword to distract myself now when this starts happening. people have often times accused me of being a tweaker too, because of my drastic mood changes, like one day i'll be cleaning like there's no tomorrow, then a few days or weeks later i'll be "lazy" and be sleeping ALL the time...and yes, it really makes me mad cuz they really have no clue what i really go through.

one day my bf came home and told me i'd be cleaning and wanting to doing stuff if i had gone to the place he had gone to that day. turns out he had been working at a school for children with disabilities, severe physical disabilities like with feeding tubes and wheelchairs etc....saying that their problems were "real" and i should be thankful let me tell you i wanted to reach back and clock the dude right in his face...but i didn't, i just freakin ignored him cuz i felt like i could kill him right there now i'm getting mad, but really he just is uninformed and ignorant as are many people in the world....i think because i'm sensitive to others that i think others should be that way too, but it's just not so.....sorry i don't have an answer for you, but i sure can relate
 
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trusp0t21 responded:
I understand what ur goin through...wat u need 2 do is be patient...my parents used to tell me i have a depression and i started thinkin about all sorts of stuff ppl have said to me in the past...you've probably lowered your self-esteem that's all...one think that helped me relieve my depression is going outside smellin the fresh air, or if not try exercising (yhat one always works for me!) :: think you have to ignore what ppl think about you...if sum1 says sumthing rember how it benifits youjust do what makes u happy and be patient ..the result will come afterwards
 
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8inthehed responded:
Oh yes..most of us have delt with these things at some point or another, and still do. I have found it helpfull to write down my feelings in a journal. Ihave had my mom, and yes even my husband, tell me it was all in my head. I told them "DUH... that's why they call it MENTAL illness. It's a problem with my head" That usually shut them up for a while..lol. My husband has done all kinds of research on mood disorders, took tests as if he were me, and anything he could to better understand. Of course he don't have a full concept of what I'm going through, but at least he knows I'm not over exagerating. Everytime I talk to my mom she asks when I am going to get a job and stop being lazy..whatever. I try to avoid her and people like her. Hang in there.
 
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Kerrywants2know responded:
Wow you really helped me pinpoint what happens I am 36 yo who was diagonised w/ bi polar three years ago. I have probally been bi-polar my whole life, Before meds I would walk around ready and waiting for any reason to yell and itimadate stragers. I even got in trouble for Road Rage about 5 years ago.

They way u explained what happens to u really helped put things in persective for me, thank you for the information, hope ev1 gets to feel better one day at a time. Yes I get the ur just Lazy, Grow up, take your meds comments on a daily basis, it hurts and it slightly deaming so I still "teweak out" but I am getting better.
 
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JimSerio responded:
The best answers for depression, addiction and other mental health problems are in the Bible.

I'd check out this website: www.mentalhealthsolution.com/
 
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joellelewis responded:
PP are right. Focusing on the anger and thoughts themselves begin such a rapid thought cycle that you cannot do anything BUT be angry and then you end up acting in ways you instantly regret. When they come, and they will....focus all that energy on something else. Or, do something very physical (like washing the car or pulling weeds) that will allow you to get the rage out. Then, when they are all gone, you have done nothing harmful, and you will also be calmer from the exercise. But..don't dwell on the thoughts. Think it, pull a weed, and as you lay the weed down, let the thought go. Positive re-inforcement. I read an idea for this in a book the other day. Every time it happened to this one lady, she would tap her right hand to make herself think a good thought and affirm herself. If I didn't despise gardening I would weed Lol. I usually do it when I do the dishes. Have an angry thought as I scrub the nasty dishes, then when I am done they smell all clean and fresh, and so does my brain. HTH
 
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splint responded:
I was really hoping to find a way to deal with MY anger too! LOL I can relate though, my ex-husband and his wife think I'm "milking the system" because I get Social Security. I don't want to I be on it, I want to work and have a good paying job, not working part-time at a drop-off, pickup laundry for minimum wage, and being broke all the time. I'd like a home of my own, own my own car, be able to eat out, drink mocha's every day, be able to afford scrap booking material, well you get the idea...

I blew up at my boss when I was working at a past job. She was laying me off, and one of my roommates wasn't paying his rent for the 2nd time. I ended up homeless. Later I got a job as a Foster Parent for 5 hard to place girls and lost that job because I blew up at one of the foster girls because she was fixing a meal beyond the kitchen time limit. My boss had told me my attempts at fixing the house up for Christmas were pathetic, and I thought she said I was pathetic. Stress always gets me during Christmas anyway, and having 5 girls to buy for, and help them buy for each other and their families was extremely stressfull! I lost that job when I broke a bowl and one of the girls got hurt when a piece of bowl scratched her. I was only trying to get their attention by hitting the bowl on the counter, didn't expect it to break. But because I can't keep control of my temper, I lost that job and lost relationships. I've never been allowed to see the girls again, partly because I don't follow the "rules" about what I can't say and what I can say. Defiant to the end, LOL

I don't know all my triggers, I don't know when I'm going to lose it. I don't know when I'm going to go manic, and sometimes I'm in denial about being either manic or depressed. I'm on medication and am trying to get counseling, but forget my appointments. I write them down, and forget to look at where I wrote them too.

I don't know if anyone can relate to all of this, or if it makes sense, but my hope is that someone will read this and go "Oh, I know how she feels!" Perhaps you'll feel better because you're not alone. I found out by reading this post, that I'm not alone in my anger.

Anyone with suggestions would be of help too!
 
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jeff_stone1 responded:
TRIGGER - First and foremost, are you seeing a doctor, and if so, are you taking any medication? I only ask because my meds allow me to do something that I was unable to do for most of my life; I can stop and think before doing anything. I'm not reacting to things that would have sent me off the deep end in years past. That one moment, or maybe two, that you can stop and think about what it is you're going to do is, well, a big step toward controlling your anger and not have it controlling you. It's that same type of lost control that allows your brain to run things, without control, to the point where it becomes overwhelming and things start piling up, losing any semblance of normalcy or control.

My anger kept me in bonds for decades, starting from a very early age (4 yrs old, after I was adopted) to the present. I still get angry but it doesn't get out of control these days. Anger is a very important emotion, it's part of the "Fight or Flight" reaction that we get when something or someone threatens us. But, it is an emotion that can lead those of us with bipolar disorder down an avenue that most often leads us to disappointment, rejection and alienation.

Another thing I have discovered for myself is the importance of not only taking care of yourself mentally but physically as well. You have to tie the two of them together, so close that you can't see anything in between them. For tens-of-years I suffered from acid reflux and a thyroid problem that had all but shut down my metabolism. I have a bad back and two terrible knees, they were a constant source of pain that affected my whole life. I found a doctor that put all of my ailments together, mental and physical, got a picture of what was going on and went to work on me. After blood work, a couple of MRI's and x-rays she put down a plan that I had to follow to make it effective; she gave me antibiotics to treat the bacterial infection that I had in my stomach that had been the source of my acid reflux, she gave me meds that restarted my thyroids and got my metabolism back to normal and she prescribed pain killers that helps me manage the pain I have. I have not felt this good in years, years!

You CAN be happy!! But first you should look to medical professionals that have your best interests in mind and will help you get going in the right direction. But... It's all up to you! You have to want it bad enough to put aside your fears and uncertainties and jump into it with all of your heart. And you have to be strong enough to be able to tell people, even family, that don't have your best interests in mind to stay away. You'll separate the ones who love you from the rest rather quickly. Getter' Done!!! I know you can...

God Bless, Jeff


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