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    noone1381 posted:
    I have been diagnosed bi polar for a year now but I have been feeling this way all my life. I had a dream last night that I commited suicide and when I woke up this morning I tried just because of the left over feelings. Its rediculous how I am feeling and the things I am going through. It is taking way longer than I am wanting to try and feel better. I know it takes time the meds dont fully work for a long time and therapy can only do so much when you dont see your doc everyday. I just am tired and need support I need extra help insight things like that.
    mommaange1 responded:
    Sorry you are having such bad dreams. That must be very scary. Dont feel like you are rediculous you are just like the rest of us who have been in the same boat for years. Unfortunately sometimes it does take some time to get the meds working properly, but if an extended amount of time has gone by and you are not seeing any change then it is time to go back and see the pdoc and tell them how you are feeling. It might just take some tweeking of your current meds or it might take a whole new course of action, but either way it is worth the trip. Hang in there and don't get discouraged. I am still not 100% and have been doing this for years. You sometimes just have to take the 90% knowing that the 100% may not be attainable. Good luck
    Sojourner_1 responded:
    Oh my goodness, noone 1381, did you seek help/call 911 or a mental health crisis center after your attempt? This is very serious.

    It is exhausting to have to endure the trials and tribulations of bipolar disorder, and it sounds like you may be in a profound depression at this point. Everything you say rings true, for myself and most likely everyone else on this message board.

    The one word that described my lifelong struggle with major depressive episodes, and the onset of bipolar not too many years ago...was "despair". I really didn't think I would pull through...I had lost hope, been crippled with ever-changing symptoms, and felt SO lonely and removed from this painful world that I thought of ending it several times.

    But there IS hope! If you read the messages here, hope resonates from the members. Sure, I would say most continue to endure extremes, some get hospitalized and most have been, or are going through, the challenges of med changes, side effects, adding one drug after another, etc. I hope you continue to come here, because it is a support system like no other in my opinion.

    Please post again to let me know if you are getting help for your attempt this morning, okay? I'm very concerned for you.

    jadsy responded:
    sorry your having a really hard time right now. just know you are not alone. i am having a hard time waiting on my new meds to kick in too. and like you i'm frustrated that doctor visits are so far apart. i hate it that they only give you priority if you're suicidal, which of course none of us want it to get that far. take heart in knowing we are all in your shoes and i am totally getting everything you said. please call some one if you totally cannot control the suicidal urges. best of luck.
    noone1381 replied to Sojourner_1's response:
    I did get help I talked with my therapist and called a crisis center and even my mom helped me. Now shes keeping a close eye on me and asking how I am doing. I think my one word to describe how I feel about being bipolar and everything is helpless. I feel helpless to my emotions and disease. I am trying to live one day at a time and one section of the day at a time. I keep putting pressure on myself to get better but its doing me no good and making things worse. So partial day at a time is my goal for the week.
    FrederL76 replied to noone1381's response:
    I am glad you called your therapist and others to get you through a tough time. You are in my thoughts and I hope that you start to feel better soon. I have been there many many times and know what you are going through. I have been hospitalized over 15 times for suicide attempts. (Though none recently) All I can say is keep taking the meds and keep enlisting help. You can get through this!
    Sojourner_1 replied to noone1381's response:
    I'm so glad you got help...I've been thinking about you since you first posted.

    It's terrific that your mom is being supportive! That can make a world of difference.

    I understand what you mean, it's as if we are at the mercy of the disease sometimes.

    I hope you keep posting and coming here for support. Good for you for taking things a 1/2 day at a time...sometimes baby steps are all we can do, and that is okay.

    Take care,
    hope7951 responded:
    Pshych meds often cause vivid dreams and bring things to the front of your mind. As it was a dream, this is your brain telling you something. If you can remember, get a pen and paper and write the details of the dream down. remmber where you were, what you did and why you did this. Then,in your real life, take back control. if it happened in you bedroom, move the furniture, if you used a knife remove and lock them all up, if you were wearing a blue night gown, find that one and destroy it. Do real thing to tell your brain you got the warming and are taking back control of your life so this dream cannot happen. Tell your therapist and psychiatrist as well and keep a journal that youwrite in just before you go to sleep and the dreams will stop.

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