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hi all small update by me :)
skypper posted:
hi everyone though i'd post something since it seems i've been lacking in the post department. even in replying to posts i seem to hop around in no particular order replying to some and then i get distracted and run off...not necessarily a bad thing as i have been feeling much better and more chipper in general

anyhoo, i'm still here, living with the bf, but things have gotten a little better...we had a pretty good talk about things and he apologized for being mean and rude towards me...said that he was hurt because he told me he loved me before and i never said anything back...and that he just wanted me to know that if anything should happen to him that he does love me....(trigger he's been a little sentimental as the owner of the company he works for recently committed suicide)

he seemed very sincere...he said that he knows he's hurt me in the past and put his hands on me and that he never wants to do that again, so that's why now when he's mad or upset he just goes to the garage or basically ignores me till he's feeling calmer...he said it makes him sad that i drink because it seems like that's the only way i can handle being around him and the kids and being happy at the same time-that part is kind of true-i said i get stressed/anxious very easily and can't deal with a lot at once...he should know that about me by now

he says that i'm his best friend and that he knows i'll always be there for him and that he knows i always put the kids first, that it just sucks that i'm the only girl he's ever been with that's not attracted to him sexually but that i'm a really great person and fun to be around and that he wished things were different between us because i'm cool as hell and everyone likes being around me not like some guys wives when they come out and everyone's like on no he's bringing her...he also apologized for cheating on me but kind of disqualified that by saying that he just needs to feel wanted and that i don't make him feel that way, though i can understand those feelings

granted he was slightly drunk and i sober when he told me all this, but i deem it to be pretty true based on his recent behavior because all he said explains the way he's been acting differently lately

so idk, things have been better here, he has been acting decent and dare i say thoughtful...time will tell as i'm always the skeptic here and i believe rightfully so...but i've decided to try and play nice and see if we can't get along better and possibly keep the family together

also yesterday i decided that i am tired of being fat, so i'm going back on my eating healthy kick and started exercising yesterday too and between yesterday and today i already lost 5 pounds if you can believe that! crazy but it gives me motivation and fuels my desire to keep going and believe me i need all the motivation i can get

also i told the bf that when he gets paid tomorrow i'm going grocery shopping for me because i can't eat all the crap they eat and be healthy, he says neither can he, that probably good though because the meal plans i have are always too much for me so he can help me eat it all, lol, that also means i won't be drinking any alcohol for a while because everyone knows it's nearly impossible to drink AND lose weight...i just really want to be able to fit into my own clothes again, that would be heaven!!!!
I'm selfish,impatient & a little insecure.I make mistakes,I am out of control & at times hard to handle.But if you can't handle me at my worst,then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best.—MM
skypper responded:
ok maybe that wasn't quite so small, LOL
I'm selfish,impatient
snowyowl33 responded:
Thanks for giving us an update hon, it's absolutely fabulous to hear that your mood is so much better!!!
i'm really happy for you...

big hugs
One good thing about being senile is you can hide your own Easter eggs! :)
slik_kitty responded:
so glad things are going better for you. hugs
fuzzer29 responded:
I'm very happy for you that things seem to be better- I hope it stays that way. That's great that you are both feeling better and are interested in improving yourself. I hope you are as successful as you want, and it sounds like you are doing it the right way too. Good for you! And keep it up too, it may help you feel better about yourself. I struggle with that too, so I really am hoping for a great result. Big hugs skypper!
No matter how high the throne, there sits but an ass. -Voltaire
hereinmyhead responded:

It's so great to see a post from you again. You sound like you're feeling a lot better, which is very good news. I really admire your strength and stamina for all you've been through.

big hugs
skypper replied to hereinmyhead's response:
snowy, thanks whether i say so or not you guys help me tremendously all the time, big big hugs to you too!!!

kitty, hugs back

fuzzer, i hope things stay this way or continue to improve as well, i'm hoping this time it sticks

susie, thank you for your kind and sweet words hugs

laater today i'm gonna go look at a treadmill i found on craigslist here in town for a really good price, hopefully its all good and i get it, cuz i would like to walk/run daily but not outside by myself i get far too anxious/paranoid for that, bf doesn't understand completely but is finally being supportive of me bringing a treadmill in the house so i have to take advantage and get one soon, lol
I'm selfish,impatient
minkysmom1 replied to skypper's response:
I'm so happy things are going smoothly for you. Talkin' it out can do the trick. You sound good and I'm delighted for you.
Keep on posting when you can,always a pleasure.


Bildo2 replied to minkysmom1's response:
You know I am happy for ya!!!! Hugs n Stuff
skypper replied to Bildo2's response:
Minky, thank you!!! i'll try to post more often, though i will be out all this weekend

Bildo, you're an awesome friend, thanks
I'm selfish,impatient
hope7951 responded:
Trigger - when someone you know commits suicide, it does bring home the fact that illnesses exist and being cruel is something you can't take back after some things have been done.

But like any revelation via something that happens close to you, sometimes it is life-changing and other times the effect wears off. I wouldn't bet the farm on your BF maintaining his respect for you because his eyes have been opened by this.

You and only you are in control of your life and you need to make choices on what is best long-run for you and your kids. Most often the right way also looks like the hardest path but once you choose the world will open up and support your authentic self.
You become what you think about...
skypper replied to hope7951's response:
Joye, i do know that, which is why i feel so skeptical about it, as i said time will tell, for me being nice to him and trying to come up with some affections is pretty hard to do, which is a bit odd given that i've usually considered myself very affectionate in right now my main focus is getting me healthy and back together and perhaps being a bit more vocal about everything in general...
I'm selfish,impatient
hope7951 replied to skypper's response:
That's good....keep you focus, but you are looking terrific from the pics I've seen.
You become what you think about...
margaroo responded:
{{{{ Skypper }}}}

It warms my heart to hear you are doing better and I think your plans and goals are good. I think about you a lot. Remember, baby steps.


Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most.

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