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    Well here goes
    sade04 posted:
    I am not even sure if this is something that I think is going to help me right now, I walk through life happy girl when really I have never been so lost and sad as I am right now?My life is so empty and I hate where it has gone after all these years. I feel trapped and can not fix it any more. I used always be able to go and fix it move get new job etc. I have been on meds for 17 years,my latest cocktail is seroquel, Lamictal and topmax. I have been on this for the last 4years. I do not see any doctors. I get my meds from my G.P. I have not found a doctor I like since I moved here 4 years ago. And quite honestly I really do not think a psychiatrist does any think for you. Your visit which of course is the high co-pay, yes I have a job and insurance so I should be grateful, because for a several years I fought for jobs and insurance, but how long are you suppose just be grateful for your meds. I am not sure if it's I am just doing this alone, no family no real friends to speak of and I have been even giving the God thing a try and that does not seem to be working either, so I am wondering if it would help to adjust my meds. I really do not have allot of extra money each month to spend on therapy and I am not a big fan of it?.you are just paying for someone to listen to you whine?The basics in my life are okay, I have a job that I like but feel that I really screwed up where I should be in my career and that is all I have ever had, I have a nice place to live, I have two dogs, food and I walk through life with a smile?.but I am miserable..
    Carl_1970 responded:

    I am really sorry to read your story.

    One positive thing is that I've found this forum very helpful, either from general communication or with other patients or with patients directly through e-mail.

    I am Bi-Polar II.
    I was diagnosed in January this year. I also take Seroquel.

    If you think I can help, don't hesitate to ask me any questions about my experiences.

    You deserve to be happy!


    P.S. Feel free to e-mail at
    bpcookie responded:
    Hello Sade, its very nice to meet you and welcome to the board. I usually try to write more, but right now Im having some pain issues. Hope you have a nice weekend.
    I can't be bothered with a cell phone in my car....I am too busy making finger gestures at everyone!!!-Maxine
    sade04 replied to bpcookie's response:
    They don't worry about it hope you feel better I really wasn't expecting much any way
    sade04 replied to Carl_1970's response:
    Thanks for your kind words, this is new to you, I was diagnosed over 17 years ago and by then I had already done allot of damage to my life and some how it contunied to snowball for some years bipolar depression has changed allot lately, I am more down then up and I cry allot...facing allot of realtiy of living with this . Again thanks for your kind words...hope you catch it before it destroys your life....being bipolar can be very destructive and not to mention what the side effectives of the med do to you.
    Carl_1970 replied to sade04's response:
    Hi again sade04,

    I'm really sorry to hear that you cry a lot at the moment. I did lots of crying when I was in hospital (for 3 months).

    I'm happy to say that I have got better and am copying with the side-effects of the medication - mainly weight gain and sedation.

    I hope things get better for you soon.

    fuzzer29 responded:
    Howdy sade04, I just wanted to give you a very warm welcome to very good support board! This is a great place to come to vent and do what ever you need to do, whether that be get support, express joy, or severe sadness. I am so sorry that you are so miserable with life in general, it sounds like that anyways- I hope I am not off base. I actually kinda agree with your assessment of therapy in general, but I finally got off me rear and went just to see if it helped, and lo and behold, it actually did! I didn't talk much about my problems in everyday life, just the major hurdles, and how to cope with them better, and it really gave me some really good tools to use. I am glad that you have a job that you like thought, that is hard to come by for most ppl. I know I loved one job I had, but it didn't last long and I got laid off. I am now on disability due to severe physical issues, and the mental issues weighed in on it too, but idk how much. I do hope you will stick it out and join the board here, we can always use a new face and perspective to help with different issues on this board. I really think you will like it, and I hope I am not wrong. It IS hard to be grateful for much of anything, esp when life is so hard on us Bipolars, and God knows that life is hard enough without that issue. That and the misery it causes us too. Again, a very warm welcome to the board, and do post whatever whenever, OK? Do you accept hugs? If you do, then I am sending you many of them to help comfort you.
    No matter how high the throne, there sits but an ass. -Voltaire

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