Hello First time user Long time sufferer! I was laid off in Jan 13 and this is the first time that I have been unemployed in my life, 28 years and my bipolar has been Crazy. I have been in a lot of emotional places the last few months seems like everybody is out to get me! I have become a very withdraw and closed my Facebook page and have got rid of a lot of my friends. I lost all my confidence in myself , like my ability to fix cars like I had been doing. I overthink everything I do so looking for a job has been hard. there is a long story before all of this ruff time in my life. I feel like I just keep getting kicked back down. My Wife has been my angel though all of this I finally did something for her. I quit taking oc and other similar things. I had quit smoking 16 years ago, drinking (bad) 8 years ago, gone to NA and AA meetings told my doctors and my wife. They were all blown away when I reviled my second life. So I've sober for about 11 months. I am having trouble with getting a job. I have been so embarrassed and I know I have messed up. So I try to do good but it seems to back fire some how and when I am at home I have all of that and other things just racing through my head. Should I do this or that or what if I mess up things blah blah blah. Then I start having the feeling of not being here anymore! Suicide goes through my mind everyday. My heath has not been so good the last few years. To the point of almost dying! Ecology and my temp went to 108 one time the second time I was 103 and survived that. Work was so bad and I hadn't sleep in two days and at work I had a seizer at work one minute I was sitting at my desk next thing I was on my way to the hospital. lost my license for six months but I worked through that. Got my license back and everything was going ok then BAMM I got into an accident and it totaled my car that I had Been working on , 94 Z28 Camaro, and it wasn't a big accident either. My seat belt did not work but I had air bags and they saved me from face first in to the steering wheel, ambulance and back to the hospital. I also had been in pyc hospital A few times also, got out one time and started to bleed real bad out my backside. I had gone through withdraws while I in there. I was one Hg away from a transfusion. I could go on but I'll stop there I hurt myself by accident like falling and so on. I just can't stop thinking I haven't hit bottom but I'm sure I have. I feel like I have lost control of my life. I have no faith in myself. Well I think I have wasted enough of your time. : )
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