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unmedicated and afraid
perfectlycrazy posted:
I have been diagnoced with bipolar 2. I am prescribed lithium and welbutrin. On the meds I felt great for the first time in a long time. I suppose I should give you some of my back ground. Since I was 16 (29 now) I've taken some form of drug on and off. I didn't realize until a recent hospialization (rehab) that I had been selfmedicating my bipolar. I've been clean since november, but recently I haven't been unable to aford medication. My husband is convinced nothing is wrong with me because I haven't had an episode lately that he is aware of he works 12 hours a day. My episodes are characterized by paranoia and irritability. I am aware when I feel that way that it is the bipolar but I can't make it just go away. I have had episodes lately and I am getting better at hiding them from him but I still feel horrible I cry and get angry with my son. I just want to be a good mother and wife this includes not spending what little money we have on myself on my meds and my doctor. I am currently looking for a job to help with this but so far I have been unsuccessful. I don't know what to do. I'm afraid I could become self destructive again. I'm afraid I might fly off the handle and hurt my husband I have been violent with him before when I was not medicated. I feel like no matter what I'm wrong if I get the meds I'm taking food out of my baby's mouth if I don't I could lose everything to drugs or violence. I've been off my meds for a month. I'm also afraid when I find a job I won't be able to function in it. I also am diagnoced with social anxiety. I don't function well around strangers. I studder have a lot. Of trouble focusing and come off really stupid. I am on the other hand really smart and articulate. What am I supposed to do with out anxiey meds on a new job. I am actually afraid I might pass out on the job if I freak out. My husband keeps pushing me to find a job I have told him my concerns and he just rolls his eyes he has never seen me studdering and fumbling so he doesn't believe it I tried to explain to him that he's never een it because when he is with me no matter where we are I feel comfortabe like he is a security blanket. Someone please tell me what to do or how to convince my husband that all this si real.
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BipolarDisorder2 responded:
perfectlycrazy: Welcome to the boards, and I'm really sorry that things are so rough for you right now. I will let more experienced BP patients talk to you about a solution, (I've only been diagnosed BP1 since November 2010, and I am no example of taking meds like you are supposed ot) but I would immediately apply for Medicad in your state/county. I am having to do that too (for asthma meds) and that is a readily available resource I would highly recommend. You can also check in with a pharmacist (I KNOW CVS has this) and ask for their prescription discount card, it will save you up to 65% on your prescription meds.

I hope you improve soon, sorry you are having a rough time, it will get better Welcome to the boards.

WolfFaerie responded:
Hello! Welcome to the board! My other suggestion to you is the PAP program for your meds here's the number 1-888-477-2669. I would also check into your county's medical assistance office for help with meds too.

Like you, my hubby really doesn't get that having bipolar and not taking meds is a bad thing. Though slowly, he's coming to see that it's apart of treatment which helps me but mind you it's taken me nearly a year to get him to see this. One suggestion I can make is have your therapist talk with your hubby about what it means to have a loved one with bipolar. It's a way to communicate with him in a safe place.

Again welcome
dedliv responded:
Lithium is fairly cheap even without insurance, since it is an element, so it doesn't cost a ton of money to produce. Even if you could just take that and not the Wellbutrin it would keep you more stabile, but probably not help with the anxiety. Some doctors offices give out samples, and you might be able to find a doctor who works on a sliding fee scale. I would probably look for a NAMI office in your area and see if they know of any doctors like that. I believe that some of the drug companies also help you if you can't pay for your prescriptions. If I were you I would apply for medicaid, like BipolarDisorder2 said, and I would also apply for Social Security Disability. It is hard to get on it for Bipolar, but after I got denied and had a lawyer appeal the descision I did get on it. If you are on SSDI, after 2 years you qualify for Medicare, that is 2 years after the date of disability they determine, not 2 years after you are approved. A lot of times they will have the date of disability be when you applied or before if they determine you have been disabled a while. As for dealing with your husband, I totally understand. My husband, who is now my ex, didn't understand at all about my bipolar. He took the Family to Family class at NAMI to try to understand. I don't know if it helped at all, but maybe it would help you with your husband. Good luck:)
skypper replied to dedliv's response:
you can get lithium at walmart for $4 as well as various other meds, just call and ask them
If you're not afraid to die, why be afraid to live!
pixe5 responded:
Another resource for free meds from the drug companies is at

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