[TRIGGER] I do not understand why i have to be like i am. I get so angry i think if pushed far enough i could kill someone. It seems like all i want to do lately is cry. I do not want to be around any more people than i have to. Then to top it all off i am finding out that i may have passed this on to my two daughters.
Hello Freelady hun, I understand having a terrible temper. At one time I had one too. I was becoming dangerous to myself and others. I finally went to a tdoc because my husband sat me down and told me that I had to do something about my temper. Now Im doing pretty good.
Im so sorry your going through all of this. Just remember,t you didnt want your daughters to have Bipolar, there is just nothing you can do about it, you didnt ask to be Bipolar. big hugs
Been there got the t shirt. My temmper is so bad I almost busted the window of our truck to get at my husband during a fight. Might I suggest anger management classes? That's what I'm doing and it's helping. Remember it's not your fault it's the disease talking.
Anger to the point of being Intermittent Explosive Disorder is not a genetic condition. While is can be related to bipolar, excessive anger is normally something that responds to threapy rather than meds. You have a great deal of energy and something is not the way you wish it would be, but instead of correcting the problem or taking it to the real source, you stash it up inside you andthen when someone perhaps unrelated pushes your buttons, you let them have it. A cognitive therapist can help with this and expand your coping skills. You can pressproblems on your children if they witness or are the subject of your anger especially when they don't understand that your core anger may be about something that happened and is still unresolved for long ago.
Trust me I know how you feel I am bipolar 2 and I have a huge temper on top of it! I worry everyday that my boys might have bipolar when they get older and its sad to think you as a parent gave that to your child. But we did not ask for this we were born with it and all we can do is treat ourselves the best way we can and show our kids how strong we are in getting through it.
I've felt like this before. I had a vasectomy because I wouldn't allow myself to pass this on to a child. That was a long time ago and there are things I have learned since. I may feel like you are describing again someday but I try not to focus too far ahead or too much on the past; only on what I can control in the present. Here is something that is backed by research and well-known by us. For as angry, impatient, and impulsive as we can get at times we can also be incredibly empathic, altruistic, sympathetic. They say that one of the reasons this can be explained is because persons like us have experienced "polar" opposites and we understand the highs and lows. There are also many books written about creativity and bipolar disorder. It took me more than two years to accept this disorder. I hope for your sake it doesn't, because there are a lot of great people in this world who have left a place in history and as a whole we are better off because of them.
Long before I had any idea I was Bipolar, I would lash out at anyone or anything for no reason.
I carried a gun and scalpels because I lived in New York City. I went after a Hell's Angel and cut his neck with a scalpel for touching me. I cut all 4 tires on a Mercedes because the driver gave me the finger. I threw a 10 pound huge crystal ashtray at my Mother and it made a huge hole in the wall. If it had hit her, she would be dead.
I have ridden horses my entire life, the kid across the street found a bunny nest. I told him to stop touching the newborn baby bunnies and he ignored me. I waited for him to come up to the street and chased him on the horse until he fell.
I did things you cannot imagine, I had no idea I was bipolar. It is a genetic disease and you must work at it every day.
I pray a lot as well. You can get it under control with a lot of work, I did. Just imagine if you got thrown in jail. At my last appointment with my Psychiatrist, he admitted he worried all the time I was going to kill someone, I did too.
My temper is so bad when I drink that every picture in my house hides a dent in the wall from me throwing something at it. I have no more ceramic plates or glass dishes anymore. Where as I have no feeling to hurt a person I do break everything and and anything in my path including a brand new 47" TV. I think I know where my rages stem from and the only thing that will calm me down in a rage is marijuana. It calms me right down immediately.
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