Borderline Personality Disorder Exchange

And what does this post have to do with our community? No one is going to answer you one way or another.

If you need validation, seek it somewhere else.

Your a very beautiful girl silly, why does this matter.No one opinions counts anyways, love yourself for who you are. It doesnt matter what no one thinks of you! And for the lady below, you shouldnt be so rude, you must of forgot what community this post was in, she didnt ask for your opinion directly so you really shouldnt post your opinions unless its something positive or not so harsh.

I do know what this community is - I created it.

Last week a friend of my mother told me:

My mother told her that she walked in on my father and me when I was 4 years old. He was only touching me.

My mother told her that she kept me home from Kindergarten the next day to teach me what intercourse would feel like. She violated me with unpeeled bananas 4 times that day. She ripped my vaginal lining and my cervix. I bled and I had horrible cramping. I missed an entire month of Kindergarten while I was healing. I was not taken to a doctor.

My mother told her that she knew my father had intercourse with me on my 5th birthday (6 weeks after the banana incident).

My mother told her that she took my younger sister and brother out of the house 3 evenings a week so that my father and I would be alone.

My mother told her that she didn't know how long she could live with herself and the knowledge that she helped my father to have sex with me.

My mother has dementia now and can't even remember who comes to visit. So of course, she is no longer suffering with those abuse memories. She hated my father, she hated sex, and she hated me. For 50 years I was oblivious to the abuse and it made her very angry that she had to deal with her guilt and shame all alone.

I am not rude. I do not think the young lady's request for praise of her beauty needs to be on this community. She needs to seek validation from someone who is part of her life. Not here.

Mary

Mary, we all have painful pasts and I do wish you had put a trigger warning on your post.

Now to the OP. Putting yourself up like that is asking for trouble. Most people will be nice to you but what if you had a bunch of trolls decide to be mean just because? You would be putting your ego at massive risk. Also it's very true that beauty is in the eye. If you're worried about your attractiveness, you'll know by comparing your features to what is considered standard beauty in this culture. I think you are very nice looking.

I don't remember typing all of that. My apologies for not putting TRIGGER in my reply. Furthermore, I shouldn't have given all that information when it is totally irrelevant to the situation.

I'm sorry I am even breathing today.

If you dont mind me asaking, whats your condition, I came across the words triggers, what exactly does that mean in your case, and the fact you said you dont remember typipng al of that.....is there an illness or something that you have?

To the beautiful young lady at the top, it's ok that you came to this community. You may would do better in the depression community though. And Mary meant no harm, right Mary? We all have issues. And yes you are very pretty. And for the last reply if you check out Mary's profile, then you will learn a little about her. She really is a sweet lady. That wasn't really "Mary" talking. Mary it's ok, big hug for you!
You will learn of each other's problems and issues on here by checking out their profile's. Take care you all, and Happy Mother's Day to you Mommy's out there!

Mary are you ok today?

Anon_156345,



TRIGGER




A trigger is anything you write that might cause another person to become emotional and act on that emotion.

My post that I should have put TRIGGER on is the 4th post on this thread. I gave a lot of information about my parents and their part in my abuse. When I posted that, I was (am still) in the deep pit of depression. I am tired, I am incredibly sad, and I am angry. Validation of that abuse coming from a friend of my mother was a shock to me.

My therapist (Dr. is working with me to get through this without me becoming suicidal. Unfortunately, I am very suicidal. Today, I made a promise to my husband and Dr.B that I will be safe and that I will be in my therapist's office next Tuesday.

Tomorrow I see my psychiatrist to review my meds. Dr.B told me this afternoon to be sure to tell my pdoc about the validation. He also said my pdoc could call him about it.

I have been diagnosed with Severe Depressive Disorder, PTSD, Generalized Anxiety, and Borderline Personality Disorder. I don't remember typing it because at the time I was fully irritated with this whole situation online AND I was very emotional about my current situation - the valildation of my abuse. I believe we all want to wake up someday and realize the abuse and our lousy lives were just a bad dream. When a third party validates all your memories, it hits you right in the gut.

I hope this answers your questions.

Mary

Shana, I don't think I am ok. However, I am safe at home with my husband and that is good. I fear for the long weekend coming up. I worry about going to church because too many people walk up to me and ask "how are you today" and they want me to say "fine" but I can't do that. I am hurting too bad. So do I miss church again? I guess I won't know until Sunday morning.

Thank you for asking.

Hugs from Mary

oh me too, Mary I want to go to church but they all ask me if I'm ok and I'm never ok.. I finally quit telling them anything and just smile and say yes. I try to stay positive and hope things will get better. I sit on the back row so I can get out quickly. They have asked me to sing a special and I am terrified cuz I haven't did that in years. I am afraid I will have a panic attack or body jerk/studder on stage. But I'm sorry you are having one of those days. The past is ugly for you, I can only imagine, and I don't even want to think about it cuz I already know so much from your profile and I know why you have got problems and totally understand. I am praying for you Mary. Just keep that pretty smile and keep going to church. Love ya!

I know how that feels - to be sorry for even breathing. Sometimes we do things we don't remember doing - I am very guilty of that.

hugs.

Shana, you sing solos at church? I do, too! If you aren't singing, put on your big girl panties and sing for the Lord. Right now I am working on "Blessings" sung by Laura Story. It may be a while before I can sing it without crying.

I'm not sure I will go to church on Sunday. Too much emphasis on mothers. I have stayed away from Facebook because most of the posters on my page have put their mother's picture as their profile picture. I can't/won't do that. As far as I am concerned, I don't have a mother.

I hope you have a nice weekend. Albert and I are going to our High School's Alumni banquet on Saturday night. We also have tickets to go to the dance afterward, but it doesn't start until 9pm and I'm not crazy about the late night hours. I'll post later and tell you how it went.

My Love to you,
Mary