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    Do you have Borderline Personality Disorder? This new Exchange has been developed so we can encourage each other, share tips to get through those down days, and/or just vent.
    How am I?
    avatar
    marysings posted:
    I'm depressed and my meds are not working. Thank goodness I see my new psychiatrist on July 15. He will have a challenge when he sees me.

    I'm tired - no I'm exhausted.

    I've had another memory return. I'm thinking how much more can I stand? How much more is too much? I think I am there.

    My heart is heavy because I see Albert kind of wandering around. We both miss his mom. We talked a bit and he said a pastor friend told him today that he needs to find a new routine. He also told Albert that going on a vacation now would be a good way to "break" the old routine. We have our 7yr old grandson now. On July 7 we will drive to Quantico, Virginia, and then spend the weekend with our son, his ex-wife, and her friend. We'll begin the drive home on Monday, July 11. It's a two-day drive and I'm already tired.

    I am close to a breaking point and nobody seems to notice.

    Mary
    I'm strong willed and I tell it like it is. I make mistakes, I'm sometimes out of control, but I love and give with all my heart.  Have patience with me as I heal.
    Reply
     
    avatar
    lostsouls49 responded:
    it is understandable why you feel the way you do. you have been through so much, i think the trip is a great idea, i know what you are doing with dr b is very hard on you but there is a big payoff in the end. YOU CAN DO IT. have you got the results back on the test that they ran on you for lupus? got to go for now. it is four thirty in the am.
     
    avatar
    iwanttostop responded:
    hop you can relax and enjoy your family while on vacation. my prays are with you and albert. good lock with the new t, that has got to be hard, i tried and just could not go, still wondering if therapy would make things worst.
     
    avatar
    marysings replied to lostsouls49's response:
    All the blood tests showed no lupus, no inflamation (which is difficult to understand since I continue to run a low grade temp), no illnesses. I'm thankful for the negative lupus test.

    Dr.B and I have agreed that at this time we are not going to work on any of the trauma. He is concerned about my depression. I am grieving the loss of a mom who loved me and whom I loved. I am grieving for Albert's loss.

    I'll be all right. Hospitalization may be an option after we return from Virginia.

    Mary
    I'm strong willed and I tell it like it is. I make mistakes, I'm sometimes out of control, but I love and give with all my heart. Have patience with me as I heal.
     
    avatar
    marysings replied to iwanttostop's response:
    I am not getting a new therapist - Dr.B has worked with me for 8 years and I won't change until he retires. He's not planning to retire for a long, long time.

    I am getting a new psychiatrist for my medications.

    The vacation involves a lot of driving. Yes, I will be happy to be with family.

    Thank you,
    Mary
    I'm strong willed and I tell it like it is. I make mistakes, I'm sometimes out of control, but I love and give with all my heart. Have patience with me as I heal.
     
    avatar
    lostsouls49 replied to marysings's response:
    that is what makes special mary, some us are not so lucky
     
    avatar
    iwanttostop replied to marysings's response:
    did i post something wrong? my post is gone.
     
    avatar
    marysings replied to iwanttostop's response:
    I don't know...I just now got online. Was it part of this conversation?
    I'm strong willed and I tell it like it is. I make mistakes, I'm sometimes out of control, but I love and give with all my heart. Have patience with me as I heal.


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