Borderline Personality Disorder Exchange

I am a single 43 year old woman and was diagnosed BPD about three years ago and taking Geodon which helps alot. From the time I was in Jr. High I knew that I was different, something was wrong with me. However I didn't get a chance to explore that until my son was grown whom has mental disabilities and was a challenge to raise especially being young, single with the situation being worse than no family support for I had family continueously working against me in every step of the very long road. I was 4 yrs old when my mother committed suicide (her 5th and final attempt). My grandparents raised me but my grandfather died when I was only13 yrs old. By the time I was 15 yrs old I felt it neccessary to take drastic measures to save myself by becoming an emancipated minor. Now, at 40 yrs old I could finally put a name to what I've been going through. Because I was having such a hard time with ending the bad relationship with my drug addict first love I was off of work and went to therapy for 6 months through a duel diagnosis drug and alcohol program which specialized in DBT. The pain was as powerful as losing my mother was. However after going back to work my son was injured and came close to dying. Because of the pain and needing to function I continued to abuse drugs. Which is how I got stuck. Need to stop to get better and I have no problem doing so but the pain is unbearable, too much for me! I have tried all of the relaxation techniques but nothing seems to be able to help that horrible diabling pain and anger that is just below the surface constantly threatening to spin out of control. Any suggestions of how to get myself unstuck.