Borderline Personality Disorder Exchange
Welcome to the Borderline Personality Exchange. Meet others with the same ... more
Announcements
Do you have Borderline Personality Disorder? This new Exchange has been developed so we can encourage each other, share tips to get through those down days, and/or just vent.
I need help figuring out my daughter
Anon_232683 posted:
My daughter will be 40 this year and my husband and I have had problems since she was born. Someone suggested a mental defect that she was born with. She would never let us hug her or show her any affection. When she learned to walk she never wanted to be held. We had to distract her to get her to eat. She is extremely weight conscious to this day. She has insulted her younger sister, who had weight problems, to the point of tears for years. Sister had stomach bypass and is a size 2 now. Older sister is typically so jealous and hateful I finally told her I have had enough. I love her but I'm done! I'm tired of being the referee and putting up with her very hateful behavior. She accuses me of 'beating' her kids when they were little and saying I hate them all! This is so untrue and I don't know what planet she lives on. I have always loved all of my grandkids equally and I have lightly spatted them on the butt once or twice when they refused to listen but that was it. I do not believe in spanking kids. We live in another state and that was in part because of the problems she kept creating. She wasn't happy unless we were all upset. my aunt was exactly the same way. She told my son that he better make a choice...either me or her. He lives 5 minutes from her and I haven't heard from him for over a year. He called on my birthday and I typically get "obligatory" phone calls from him on birthdays, Christmas, Mother's Day. So he owes me absolutely nothing and if those 3 calls a year salved his guilty conscience, even before his sister's ultimatum then it is time to cut them both loose. After he married, his wife's family got a strangle hold on him and we rarely got to see them or their kids. I think I paid my dues many times over. I'm a hugger and always told them how much I loved them. Something I never got as a kid. I would like to know why I have been such a doormat and why my kids use me. I've loved them and done everything for them I could to make them happy. I assumed that would bring me the gift of their respect. Maybe we are all nuts!
Take the Poll
Does anyone know if my oldest daughter might have a genetic mental condition that she can't help being the way she is? Obnoxious doesn't begin to describe her. She laughs when someone gets hurt or is embarrassed. She plays hurtful pranks on people. I took her for therapy. no luck
- Mental condition?
- Help for her?
2 Replies |Watch This Discussion | Report This| Share this:I need help figuring out my daughterMy daughter will be 40 this year and my husband and I have had problems since she was born. Someone suggested a mental defect that she was born with. She would never let us hug her or show her any affection. When she learned to walk she never wanted to be held. We had to distract her to get her to eat. She is extremely weight conscious to this day. She has insulted her younger sister, who had weight problems, to the point of tears for years. Sister had stomach bypass and is a size 2 now. Older sister is typically so jealous and hateful I finally told her I have had enough. I love her but I'm done! I'm tired of being the referee and putting up with her very hateful behavior. She accuses me of 'beating' her kids when they were little and saying I hate them all! This is so untrue and I don't know what planet she lives on. I have always loved all of my grandkids equally and I have lightly spatted them on the butt once or twice when they refused to listen but that was it. I do not believe in spanking kids. We live in another state and that was in part because of the problems she kept creating. She wasn't happy unless we were all upset. my aunt was exactly the same way. She told my son that he better make a choice...either me or her. He lives 5 minutes from her and I haven't heard from him for over a year. He called on my birthday and I typically get "obligatory" phone calls from him on birthdays, Christmas, Mother's Day. So he owes me absolutely nothing and if those 3 calls a year salved his guilty conscience, even before his sister's ultimatum then it is time to cut them both loose. After he married, his wife's family got a strangle hold on him and we rarely got to see them or their kids. I think I paid my dues many times over. I'm a hugger and always told them how much I loved them. Something I never got as a kid. I would like to know why I have been such a doormat and why my kids use me. I've loved them and done everything for them I could to make them happy. I assumed that would bring me the gift of their respect. Maybe we are all nuts!
sledge17 responded:
Maybe you should consider taking her to a different doctor and see what he says (I mean a psychiatrist) so that he can give you some advice as to what you can do. I believe that she can also have different test done to show if it is something mental or if that is just the way she is. She sounds like she defintely needs help and I dont believe a parent should take on that responsibility by themselves; get help there are many resources out there that you can turn to for assistance.
Report This| Share this:I need help figuring out my daughterMaybe you should consider taking her to a different doctor and see what he says (I mean a psychiatrist) so that he can give you some advice as to what you can do. I believe that she can also have different test done to show if it is something mental or if that is just the way she is. She sounds like she defintely needs help and I dont believe a parent should take on that responsibility by themselves; get help there are many resources out there that you can turn to for assistance.
MarySings responded:
What you are describing when she was little makes me think of autism. Would that be a possibility?
At some point we have to let our kids go...I am having a difficult time letting my 33 yr old son make his own decisions. This evening he called for our opinion on a home he wants to buy. We told him that it was his decision and my husband offered some advice on what to ask about...utilities, etc. I wanted to know who the girl was in the background but I kept quiet. He is borderline just like me. We tend to rub each other raw. It makes me sad.
Anyway, since your daughter is 40 and has children of her own, I expect that it is time for you to let her go. I can totally understand your heartache because of her behavior. But you have to remember that at her age, you have no control over her.
I once had a boss who was a real idiot - rude, self-centered, stingy, etc. I really disliked him and then one day I realized that all my griping was getting me nowhere. I began to pray for him and to pray for me that God would change my attitude. It worked and we got along just fine for several years until I had a breakdown and had to quit working.
Your daughter needs mental health care but you can't make her go, nor can you change her. Set your boundaries and leave her to her own life. Continue to reach out to your son and your grandchildren. When they get old enough, they will realize that she is ill and hopefully they will become more enmeshed in your life.
I'm sorry I can't be more positive about your situation.
I wish you all the best,
Mary
At some point we have to let our kids go...I am having a difficult time letting my 33 yr old son make his own decisions. This evening he called for our opinion on a home he wants to buy. We told him that it was his decision and my husband offered some advice on what to ask about...utilities, etc. I wanted to know who the girl was in the background but I kept quiet. He is borderline just like me. We tend to rub each other raw. It makes me sad.
Anyway, since your daughter is 40 and has children of her own, I expect that it is time for you to let her go. I can totally understand your heartache because of her behavior. But you have to remember that at her age, you have no control over her.
I once had a boss who was a real idiot - rude, self-centered, stingy, etc. I really disliked him and then one day I realized that all my griping was getting me nowhere. I began to pray for him and to pray for me that God would change my attitude. It worked and we got along just fine for several years until I had a breakdown and had to quit working.
Your daughter needs mental health care but you can't make her go, nor can you change her. Set your boundaries and leave her to her own life. Continue to reach out to your son and your grandchildren. When they get old enough, they will realize that she is ill and hopefully they will become more enmeshed in your life.
I'm sorry I can't be more positive about your situation.
I wish you all the best,
Mary
I'm strong willed and I tell it like it is. I make mistakes, I'm sometimes out of control, but I love and give with all my heart. Have patience with me as I heal.
Report This| Share this:I need help figuring out my daughterWhat you are describing when she was little makes me think of autism. Would that be a possibility?<br /> <br />At some point we have to let our kids go...I am having a difficult time letting my 33 yr old son make his own decisions. This evening he called for our opinion on a home he wants to buy. We told him that it was his decision and my husband offered some advice on what to ask about...utilities, etc. I wanted to know who the girl was in the background but I kept quiet. He is borderline just like me. We tend to rub each other raw. It makes me sad.<br /> <br />Anyway, since your daughter is 40 and has children of her own, I expect that it is time for you to let her go. I can totally understand your heartache because of her behavior. But you have to remember that at her age, you have no control over her.<br /> <br />I once had a boss who was a real idiot - rude, self-centered, stingy, etc. I really disliked him and then one day I realized that all my griping was getting me nowhere. I began to pray for him and to pray for me that God would change my attitude. It worked and we got along just fine for several years until I had a breakdown and had to quit working.<br /> <br />Your daughter needs mental health care but you can't make her go, nor can <u>you</u> change her. Set your boundaries and leave her to her own life. Continue to reach out to your son and your grandchildren. When they get old enough, they will realize that she is ill and hopefully they will become more enmeshed in your life.<br /> <br />I'm sorry I can't be more positive about your situation.<br /> <br />I wish you all the best,<br />Mary
Spotlight: Member Stories
My story would take too long. But I've suffered from severe depression most of my life. I also have epilepsy, but it's under control w/meds.
Helpful Tips
Identifying Borderline Personality Disorder
Thoughts that may indicate BPD Alternate between seeing people as either flawless or evil? Have difficulty remembering the good things ... More
Was this Helpful?
31
of
32 found this helpful
- Listen to Music when depressed
- More Information about Borderline Personality Disorder
- how i feel every second of my day....
Related News
Report Problems to the
Food and Drug Administration
You are encouraged to report negative side effects of prescription drugs to the FDA. Visit the FDA MedWatch website or call 1-800-FDA-1088.
Other Member Communities
- Dieting Club: 10 - 25 Lbs Member Community Share Your Tips and Support!
- Caregiving Member Community The Support and Understanding You Need!
- Parenting Friends Talking Member Community Get Support from Members Like You!
-
More Related Communities
The opinions expressed in WebMD User-generated content areas like communities, reviews, ratings, or blogs are solely those of the User, who may or may not have medical or scientific training. These opinions do not represent the opinions of WebMD. User-generated content areas are not reviewed by a WebMD physician or any member of the WebMD editorial staff for accuracy, balance, objectivity, or any other reason except for compliance with our Terms and Conditions. Some of these opinions may contain information about treatments or uses of drug products that have not been approved by the U.S. Food and Drug Administration. WebMD does not endorse any specific product, service, or treatment.
Do not consider WebMD User-generated content as medical advice. Never delay or disregard seeking professional medical advice from your doctor or other qualified healthcare provider because of something you have read on WebMD. You should always speak with your doctor before you start, stop, or change any prescribed part of your care plan or treatment. WebMD understands that reading individual, real-life experiences can be a helpful resource, but it is never a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment from a qualified health care provider. If you think you may have a medical emergency, call your doctor or dial 911 immediately.
Health Solutions From Our Sponsors
About WebMD Advertise With Us Terms of Use Privacy Policy Sponsor Policy Site Map Careers Contact Us
First Aid WebMD Magazine WebMD Health Record WebMD Mobile Newsletters Dictionary Physician Directory
©2005-2013 WebMD, LLC. All rights reserved.
WebMD does not provide medical advice, diagnosis or treatment. See additional information.