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    Do you have Borderline Personality Disorder? This new Exchange has been developed so we can encourage each other, share tips to get through those down days, and/or just vent.
    I need help figuring out my daughter
    avatar
    Anon_232683 posted:
    My daughter will be 40 this year and my husband and I have had problems since she was born. Someone suggested a mental defect that she was born with. She would never let us hug her or show her any affection. When she learned to walk she never wanted to be held. We had to distract her to get her to eat. She is extremely weight conscious to this day. She has insulted her younger sister, who had weight problems, to the point of tears for years. Sister had stomach bypass and is a size 2 now. Older sister is typically so jealous and hateful I finally told her I have had enough. I love her but I'm done! I'm tired of being the referee and putting up with her very hateful behavior. She accuses me of 'beating' her kids when they were little and saying I hate them all! This is so untrue and I don't know what planet she lives on. I have always loved all of my grandkids equally and I have lightly spatted them on the butt once or twice when they refused to listen but that was it. I do not believe in spanking kids. We live in another state and that was in part because of the problems she kept creating. She wasn't happy unless we were all upset. my aunt was exactly the same way. She told my son that he better make a choice...either me or her. He lives 5 minutes from her and I haven't heard from him for over a year. He called on my birthday and I typically get "obligatory" phone calls from him on birthdays, Christmas, Mother's Day. So he owes me absolutely nothing and if those 3 calls a year salved his guilty conscience, even before his sister's ultimatum then it is time to cut them both loose. After he married, his wife's family got a strangle hold on him and we rarely got to see them or their kids. I think I paid my dues many times over. I'm a hugger and always told them how much I loved them. Something I never got as a kid. I would like to know why I have been such a doormat and why my kids use me. I've loved them and done everything for them I could to make them happy. I assumed that would bring me the gift of their respect. Maybe we are all nuts!

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    Does anyone know if my oldest daughter might have a genetic mental condition that she can't help being the way she is? Obnoxious doesn't begin to describe her. She laughs when someone gets hurt or is embarrassed. She plays hurtful pranks on people. I took her for therapy. no luck
    • Mental condition?
    • Help for her?
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    avatar
    sledge17 responded:
    Maybe you should consider taking her to a different doctor and see what he says (I mean a psychiatrist) so that he can give you some advice as to what you can do. I believe that she can also have different test done to show if it is something mental or if that is just the way she is. She sounds like she defintely needs help and I dont believe a parent should take on that responsibility by themselves; get help there are many resources out there that you can turn to for assistance.
     
    avatar
    marysings responded:
    What you are describing when she was little makes me think of autism. Would that be a possibility?

    At some point we have to let our kids go...I am having a difficult time letting my 33 yr old son make his own decisions. This evening he called for our opinion on a home he wants to buy. We told him that it was his decision and my husband offered some advice on what to ask about...utilities, etc. I wanted to know who the girl was in the background but I kept quiet. He is borderline just like me. We tend to rub each other raw. It makes me sad.

    Anyway, since your daughter is 40 and has children of her own, I expect that it is time for you to let her go. I can totally understand your heartache because of her behavior. But you have to remember that at her age, you have no control over her.

    I once had a boss who was a real idiot - rude, self-centered, stingy, etc. I really disliked him and then one day I realized that all my griping was getting me nowhere. I began to pray for him and to pray for me that God would change my attitude. It worked and we got along just fine for several years until I had a breakdown and had to quit working.

    Your daughter needs mental health care but you can't make her go, nor can you change her. Set your boundaries and leave her to her own life. Continue to reach out to your son and your grandchildren. When they get old enough, they will realize that she is ill and hopefully they will become more enmeshed in your life.

    I'm sorry I can't be more positive about your situation.

    I wish you all the best,
    Mary
    I'm strong willed and I tell it like it is. I make mistakes, I'm sometimes out of control, but I love and give with all my heart. Have patience with me as I heal.


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