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Do you have Borderline Personality Disorder? This new Exchange has been developed so we can encourage each other, share tips to get through those down days, and/or just vent.
trigger? -- i'm having a lot of "thoughts"......
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joynevercomes2me posted:
feel like i need to write about some things cuz i have no one else to talk to til wednesday (therapist - i'll call her K). i've been having a lot of suicidal thoughts lately, and they're mostly based on my sister and other family issues. ok i know i'm grown and all, but i'm still having a hard time with the abandonment i felt when my sister left for college back in 1986 (i was and then she got married when i was 12. i'm now 34 so this was a long time ago, but now that i'm living back in my hometown, alot of things are hitting me. i've had alot of other issues concerning my sister, but what i'm having problems with now is that it seems like my family would rather be together without me, like they do things together when i can't because of work, etc. don't get me wrong, i don't want anything to do with my sister anymore, so it doesn't matter if i miss out on a night with her, but it's more complicated than that and i can't figure out the right words for it right now. about the suicidal thoughts...last week i scared myself bad enough to call the crisis line. last night i was seriously considering taking all my trazodone (about 25) - i figured if it didn't kill me i'd at least sleep for a really long time and not have to think about anything for that time. .....ok here's what set me off last nite...my family did absolutely nothing for me for my b-day last month. so yesterday was my mom's b-day and she told my dad she wanted to eat at my sister's pizza shop so she could spend her b-day with my sister and her family. so they had a party while i was at work. i just feel like if they don't want me around, i can take care of that for them. so i don't know........i texted my "friend" last nite but he just told me to stop thinking like that and then quit texting me. so i don't have anyone to talk to til i go see K on wednesday. that's a long time from now....and i don't want to call the crisis line again cuz they're going to want my info so they can send someone to check on me or take me to the hospital. i can't go to the hospital. there's no one else to take care of my pets if i go. so that's not an option. but i just don't want to be here anymore......and i don't want to be alone anymore....
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An_248396 responded:
I just discovered this website and came across your post. It's been a year, but I hope you are in a better place now. There are people who care. How are you now?


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