Borderline Personality Disorder Exchange

hi. listen the weekends are slow around here, it is nothing against you. there will be more people around to talk give it time

Joy, it's not about you at all. This community is slow during the week and even slower on the weekend.

Have you started the process for SocSec Disability?

I struggle with self-harm issues all the time. I stay alive for my family and Dr.B. My oldest granddaughter thinks I am the best and actually hangs onto me a lot of the time we are together. I have one more granddaughter and two grandsons. Their parents and Albert are why I resist the urge to take my life.

Dr.B told me one time that when a patient takes their life, he has tons of paperwork to complete. He then has to make a report of what he tried and why it didn't work. He said after that he has to live with what went wrong. He said it hurts very much. I like him too much to put him in that position.

Simple reasons but the inner struggle is often overwhelming.

I would like for you to post again to let me know you are all right. No one was ignoring you. I try to respond to all posts however, I'm in the grips of a deep depression right now and it takes a lot of energy to write.

Sincerely,
Mary

Joy, it's not about you at all. This community is slow during the week and even slower on the weekend.
Have you started the process for SocSec Disability?

I struggle with self-harm issues all the time. I stay alive for my family and Dr.B. My oldest granddaughter thinks I am the best and actually hangs onto me a lot of the time we are together. I have one more granddaughter and two grandsons. Their parents and Albert are why I resist the urge to take my life.

Dr.B told me one time that when a patient takes their life, he has tons of paperwork to complete. He then has to make a report of what he tried and why it didn't work. He said after that he has to live with what went wrong. He said it hurts very much. I like him too much to put him in that position.

Simple reasons but the inner struggle is often overwhelming.

I would like for you to post again to let me know you are all right. No one was ignoring you. I try to respond to all posts however, I'm in the grips of a deep depression right now and it takes a lot of energy to write.

Sincerely,
Mary

Joy...

I hope ur O.K. and didn't do anything stupid. I truly care about you and think of you and everyone here every morning, wish myself and all,a peaceful day. I am sorry for what u are going through. As others said it's kind of slow around here, I would love 2 give u my email address so I wouldn't miss anything u write.
Hoping u are doing better

Storm

ok so i haven't done anything yet. i don't have the guts. i'm too much of a freakin wimp to do anything.

and here's the part nobody understands. i don't have ANYONE to live for. no one's ever loved me, no one's ever wanted to spend enough time with me to love me or have a relationship with me. i don't have kids - although if god would have just left me alone, i'd be getting ready to have twins about now but he took them from me back in february. i have one friend...he tells me to quit thinking about killing myself then changes the subject. i could say i would live for my pets, but i can take them with me. my parents and siblings aren't concerned about me now, so if i were gone they'd have nothing to worry about about me.

i wouldn't hurt K. i'd quit seeing her before i did anything so it wouldn't affect her.

nobody gets it that i'm all alone in this. i can't handle it anymore. i've never been completely alone before (always had someone living with me and had "friends" around) and now i am and i can't do this.

storm, i don't know how you can care about me when you don't even know me, and i'm sure you'd be like everyone else in this freakin world that if you did know me you wouldn't want to, and you wouldn't actually take the time to find out who i really am. and i'm not just saying that cuz you're a guy, it's been my life since i was little, and it didn't matter if who it was. i've been rejected by everyone in my life and there's nobody out there for me to be my friend or anything else. the pain is beyond words. i haven't done anything stupid yet, but i'm definitely NOT ok.

Joy



Your right I don't personally know you, but our disease unites us. We all have gone and are going through similar things. For me, that's enough to truly care about you. We are a community and are here for each other, last week I was down and u cheered me up, this week it's the other way around.(btw yesterday I was really angry , I took a bat and smashed the top of the bed. I think I will take ur advice bout the pillow. And yes I am a guy and I can be an asswhole sometimes, but I promise u this: "not here, not to u". In a funny way I feel towards people here, the way I would feel If anyone would try to harm my sisters...Try me.. yes, I can't always promise to respond immediately but I will do my best.

Love,


The guy who doesn't know u but still cares about uJ

Not killing yourself isn't wimpy, it's the bravest thing you can do. To continue to live despite the pain, despite feeling misunderstood, despite the lonliness: that's the strongest, most selfless thing anyone could ever ask of you. You're showing strength by being here, not weakness. It's because you know, deep down, you deserve to live. You want to find the love and happiness that you feel has eluded you. You know deep down that you are a worthwhile person.

Your pain isn't because you're a bad person, it's because you're a wonderful person, hoping someone will give you the chance to show it. It's a beautiful thing. Really.

I'm sorry you don't feel understood by the people in your every day life, and I'm sorry you don't feel listened to by your friend. It could be that he doesn't know what to say, and that all he knows is he wants you to live. Sometimes, when we're pouring our hearts out to people, it's hard to remember that not everyone is as sensitive as we are. That's not your fault. Their lack of empathy isn't a failing on your end, and it doesn't make you a bad person to want more.

I don't have any real advice, but I could feel the pain in your post. Just don't give up. If you're religious, God has a plan for all of his blessed creatures. If you're not religious, look at all the destiny and fate that's made you you, right now. Every day can be a miracle, if you're willing to look for it. I wish only the best for you, and even though we don't know each other, I sincerely hope you sincerely feel better soon.

Please, live.

an sorry that i didnt get your story, but in all honsetly. this is the best place to be , the people here do understand and theydo care because they live through the same thing. let this be your lifeline until you feel better.

Hi Joy,

I'm glad to read that you have not done anything to harm yourself during this tough time you're going through. I hope that you can see from the responses here that there are people who care about you and your safety.

Here is a list of crisis resources, hotlines, and web sites that may be of help should you start feeling overwhelmed:

Crisis Resources Link

If you think you need immediate help and cannot speak to a family member, a medical professional, or a member of the clergy, please reach out to one of these organizations or dial 911 immediately.

Take care and please keep us posted on how you're doing.

hey everyone...
how is everyone doing? Joy? I am having a pretty bad week myself. got in to an unnecessary argument with someone at work, got drunk in the evenings so I won't have2 to feel the pain. Unfortunately my plans for the weekend include drinking myself to sleep .I would start now but I have 2 go make in 2 work .I am trying to fight it but am tired and frustrated. Hope the rest of u are doing OK.

storm...drinking isn't going to help you get rid of the frustration and feelings of pain. it only holds them back til you're sober again and then it all comes back to you. i don't drink so i don't understand the addiction, but it'd be better if you could talk to someone instead of drink. i can give you my cell phone number if you want to be able to text, or if you have facebook, i can give you my info to look me up.

i'm doing better for now, we'll see how long it lasts. i talked to K yesterday and we talked alot about what to do if the thoughts start back up, and how to handle it. we talked about DBT and mindfulness, and i got homework again too. i got that done last night so it wasn't hanging over my head, cuz if i got to feeling bad again, i knew i wouldn't get it done.

let me know if you want to get in touch better...i'm here for ya, bro.