Borderline Personality Disorder Exchange

wanted to speak my mind but it I dont have a dam , i am sick of ptrending

I'm sorry that you are in so much emotional pain. I truly know what you are feeling because I have been there also.

And while it may seem hopeless right now, there are better days ahead.

You are always welcome to speak your mind here. A lot of problems with posting in distress is that your post may not be answered until the next day or even longer.

I do care about you. I hope you will reach out to ask for help.

Mary

sometimes when i came here. i went to not making things about me. sometimes these boards dont help they hurt, i am sick of people telling me they care when they dont, things are in major self destruct mode so you and everyone else here wont be sruck wpnt me much longer

didnt always make it about me, i went to help, i dont care anymore nobody want me around ant way

lostsoul, I want you to read this carefully.

I believe you want to live or you wouldn't be here on WebMD.

Please, call someone for help. I want you to make that call as soon as you finish reading this post. You want help, you need help, and you deserve help.

You are a kind and loving person. You've been mistreated and hurt and it wasn't fair. You love yourself too much to self-distruct and you are reaching out for help.

Please get the help you need. I care about you and if I knew where you were, I would help you make the call. I can't know where you live and I can't help you. You have to reach out and make that call yourself.

Mary

how could you say that? last weekend i spent following you around these boards because u knew you were hurting, but know matter what i did it did mot matter. to use your own words this is addicting, i told you a long time ago you and caprice and chrissy are very dear to me, yesterday in court it was horrible. like i told caprice i know i cant change people but i am sick of people telling me they know i think and feel. i have spoken to my therapist. he has called three times this week, i am not a good a good person i am just a waste of human life. i am truly sorry if your upset with me

I'm sorry that I didn't realize that you are dem. But you know what, it doesn't really matter because I would have written the same thing.

I don't know how to make you feel better.
I don't know how to talk to you.
I don't know what to do.

You tell me, ok?

Love,
Mary

please understand that . i did that because u love mary, what your doing with dr b is so rare, i want you do it you deserve it so much, that is why i try to get behind you so you dont give up. there is nothing i want from you for it, what i do want is to be around when you post to all of us that dr b says you did it that you are free. as far as my life, there is nothing postive about me, nobody cares what i think, i am tried no matter what i do i am do i am the worlds biggest screw up, my therapist called three times this week. i am not going to say anymore than that, i dont want to lose you mary i love you

please dont hate me, i love you mary

I know you care. I don't understand why you think that I don't care.

"what your doing with dr b is so rare" ... What does that mean? We do therapy. Dr.B uses an EMDR light bar and DNMS (the Resources). We review the DBT skills often. All three of those therapy techniques are standard for Borderline trauma patients. Not rare at all - just very effective. Although there is a drawback when you only have 50 minutes in a session ... you get started and in only minutes you are nearing the end of the session and you have to stop processing, put away the memory, and get calm before you leave the office. There was a time that we did 1 1/2 hour sessions but those are hard to get through - they are horribly draining and make it difficult to drive 2hr to get home.

dem, all of your negative talk is the depression. I feel exactly the same way as you do - I'm not worth anything, no body likes me very well, I'm alone in this world, etc. I try my best to bottle my feelings which is the reason I crash hard. When I crash, I can't help others. When I crash, I get on here and release my emotions and thoughts. It's not the best way to live but it's my 'pattern'.

I also am looking forward to the day that Dr.B says I am free. Unfortunately, I don't see that anytime soon. Everytime I think that moment is around the corner, the rage wells up in me. I hate my parents and what they did to me. My mother is still living. She's in a nursing home, living in a world of dementia. My sister says that God punishes and that's why my mother is essentially gone. I can't agree with her punishing thoughts. If that is true, what did I do when I was 13months old to deserve what I got? What did I do to deserve all the abuse? What did I do that was so wrong that I had a breakdown? Do children 'deserve' to suffer with abuse, poor health, cancer, etc? The God-punishing theory is wrong.

I truly wish that everyone who is depressed/abused/mentally ill had a therapist like Dr.B. I know he is 'one of a kind'. He's super intelligient, kind, and he cares about all of his patients. He keeps up with the latest therapy techniques. And he pushes me to stay in the direction of recovery. I've said all along that I am blessed with Dr.B as my therapist.

Love,
Mary

when i say that is rare i mean to be able to come and get were you are of breaking free of the hell tou have had to live in. when you i know that is raking you down , i know were to look and go to were you go to write, i guess we are friends. to bad your stick with me lol. chris told me i can be so supportive everyone but me. it just comes from the heart/ people here are special to me that is why it is so easy. dont doubt who you are. there is sp much lobe for you people care when you hurting, i recall last year when you posted that letter, how everyone was so worried about you. i know you care, that is why i want to protect it, i like being your friend, i have so much negative right now, there nothing on this side of the computer. the helps me see the good in myself

ok fixed the problem

I am very happy that we are friends. I worry sometimes that I am a pain in the ass to you. However, you are someone that I can pour my heart out to and I know you won't do anything but respond with kindness. Yep, I am happy to know you are my friend.

Albert is not doing well and I am very worried about him. He has a hacky, non-productive cough. He has a strange rash on his cheeks and forehead. He is extremely tired and wears out like an old man. He walks slower. We've looked all over his body but do not see any signs of a tick bite. As a matter of fact, he doesn't have any bite signs on his body. The blood work results won't be here until Monday afternoon. I hope it is negative but if it is, then we are back to square-one.

I had a nap this afternoon when Albert laid down. We both slept 2.5 hours.

Thank you for sticking with me through thick and thin.

Love,
Mary

Marry I'm sorry 2 hear that Albert's not feeling well, my thoughts are with you"026..Although I can't offer anything more than sympathy; I hope you will keep us posted