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Do you have Borderline Personality Disorder? This new Exchange has been developed so we can encourage each other, share tips to get through those down days, and/or just vent.
Dem
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MarySings posted:
Dem, I didn't need to ask your side of the situation. You posted about it many times to Chris. And there is no excuse applicable to the situation. Wrong is wrong.

Now there is true Borderline thinking. Black and White, no grey.

You want to be angry with me? Fine, do that. But don't blast me as someone who didn't ask for your side of the story. I didn't need to. As I said, you wrote about it in several posts.

Mary
I'm strong willed and I tell it like it is. I make mistakes, I'm sometimes out of control, but I love and give with all my heart. Have patience with me as I heal.
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lostsouls49 responded:
ok you know something i was not complaining to chris about you. i was hurt. you said you were mu friend. i made mistake a DAM mistake. that i felt horrible for. i took ownership and forlthorriblele for days. i didnt run/ i faced it/ the last i looked people forgave.. i cared about you and that you judge me . i felt it was time for me to leave, i lost the person that said the were my friend and it hurt., people tired to help her, when they did she said everyone was not listening.. you something this wasnt just about this, you need to look up the meaning of hurt from being mad and blasting people. I WAS HURT THAT MY FRIEND DIDNT want to listen to what i had to say. i cared about you , you as my friend was i came here. guess my friendship means nothing
 
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lostsouls49 replied to lostsouls49's response:
ok just more thing as far as the post with chris, the only reason i posted again because she never saw the one i wrote , not to complain about you, i dont know why you let you lose a friend pver something that didnt have anything to do with you. you need to look up the meanings of forgiveness, anger,and mistakes hurt. you are right you push your friends away. i cared about you with my heart. it breaks my heart
 
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dem242 replied to lostsouls49's response:
am still trying to wrap my head around the fact that you want yo lose a friend over something that had nothing to do with you. your right i did write about it a lot when it first happened. i was upset about what a horrible mistake i made. does that sound like some one who is mean? the last time i checked the word mistake does mean excuses. you have no right to say that that was what i was doing. you dont know me. and if you think i wasnt ny this. i have been in tears over this four hours. n but yet you cant see that as far as you know i was complaining
 
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MarySings replied to dem242's response:
I'm sorry that you feel shunned because I wasn't online today. I had my husband in the city for a nuclear heart stress test. The test took four hours. It's a two hour drive one way. We had our first meal of the day at 4pm. Then drove the two hours home.

I made some soup, talked with my sister and worked on a homework assignment for Dr.B.

It's now 9:11pm and I am finally sitting at my computer. I'm tired, I have to see Dr.B tomorrow, and I don't need anymore stress.

Do I want to lose a friend? Of course not. Do you still want to be my friend? I don't know.

I'm willing to stand beside you forever. You need to decide if you can set "the incident" aside. I told you I thought you were a kind and loving person. I meant it. But did you read it? It's on this community.

I'm leaving this up to you. If you want me to be your friend, just let me know. If you don't want to be my friend, let me know that, too. I won't be online until tomorrow evening, so don't freak out when I don't reply to your post during the day.

Mary
I'm strong willed and I tell it like it is. I make mistakes, I'm sometimes out of control, but I love and give with all my heart. Have patience with me as I heal.
 
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lostsouls49 replied to MarySings's response:
dont what to say about this any more,i care about you, like i have said before you are one the people that i was really close to and that the truth, i cant answer that, i really do care about you. i have been crying about this since yesterday. i dont freak out when you dont answer my posts. i know when your hurting and i just reach to let you know that i care, you tell me that some times you are not able to answer them, but then there are four others that you answer, then i have so many questions, i am not perfect and SOO NOT better than you. i made a horibble mistake that i owned up to and learned from. i am trying to leave here because u am not wanted here, it is not easy to i have been here for so long love you
 
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MarySings replied to lostsouls49's response:
If I pass on answering a post but answer others, it does not mean that I don't like them (or you if it is one of your posts), it means that with my limited time online I feel their post is more urgent.

If you want to be my friend, I will be happy about it. I will no longer discuss "the incident". I will not discuss why I choose to answer a post.

I will tell you that I can be your friend but that does not mean that I have to answer everyone of your posts. You've been on here long enough to understand when someone needs a reply because they are in crisis, I try to answer their post. And I will not justify my answering to you or anyone else.

I have to set boundaries, Dem.

Honestly, I am full to overflowing with anger towards the two people who were supposed to love me and provide a safe home for me. Instead I got two people who were not fit to be parents for anyone. I am angry and terrified to fully express that anger for fear of going into a rage and turning into the monster like the mother was. Dr.B has a plan for next week's therapy session. I'm not sure if I want to go or not. I'm not sure I want to open up my anger. I'm not sure if I can expose myself so intimately. I know Dr.B has seen it all but I don't know if I am ready for him to see me go into a rage.

Mary
I'm strong willed and I tell it like it is. I make mistakes, I'm sometimes out of control, but I love and give with all my heart. Have patience with me as I heal.
 
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lostsouls49 replied to MarySings's response:
ok i saw right now, i have had five triggers in a twenty four hours. i know that i am not important enough for people but i trying to keep from snapping, because i want to hurt myself. that thread is the only thing i have to put how i feel, i have to deal with this alone i am shaking inside,
 
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MarySings replied to lostsouls49's response:
You do not have to deal with anything alone. I am here to help you.

I cannot explain why people do not answer your posts for help. I don't know why you are ignored.

I can tell you that I will not leave you feeling helpless when you need help. What can I do for you right now?
I'm strong willed and I tell it like it is. I make mistakes, I'm sometimes out of control, but I love and give with all my heart. Have patience with me as I heal.
 
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lostsouls49 replied to MarySings's response:
it does not matter, i want to die, i have did what i had to do for a very long time, but yet i am told what i miserable person i am, i am sick of living with this, you and chris and caprice are really why i stayed, i wasnt born with this. i love you
 
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MarySings replied to lostsouls49's response:
Think about the impact on your family if you hurt yourself. And think about how Caprice, Chris, and I would feel also.

I don't think we are prepared for dealing with that.

You wrote about five triggers in 24 hours. What has been happening?
I'm strong willed and I tell it like it is. I make mistakes, I'm sometimes out of control, but I love and give with all my heart. Have patience with me as I heal.
 
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MarySings replied to MarySings's response:
I've waited a half hour and I need to sign off. I'm falling asleep in the living room chair.

I will "talk" to you tomorrow.

Love,
Mary
I'm strong willed and I tell it like it is. I make mistakes, I'm sometimes out of control, but I love and give with all my heart. Have patience with me as I heal.
 
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lostsouls49 replied to MarySings's response:
love you mary, i an grateful to you for trying to help. but you have so much on your plate between you and albert. i know your next threapy session is weighing on your mind, i want you to be able to finish this. i cant put you or anybody in what i feel. i care about you and wont will not hurt you, i love you mary
 
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MarySings replied to lostsouls49's response:
This is a TRIGGER

trigger


trigger


trigger


trigger


I care about you, dem. I don't like seeing you hurt.

I am in pain and I appreciate you figureing that out. Today I was talking with my sister while I cleaning up the kitchen and she mentioned a dear friend of hers sent a letter. She started reading it me and the friend revealed that her brother molested her for a long time when they were growing up. Immediately my eyes flooded with tears and began to cry.

I care so much for the hurting people in my life.

Whenever you want you can share with me. It doesn't seem that many people read my posts either. And this community activity has slid to a stop.

Love,
Mary
I'm strong willed and I tell it like it is. I make mistakes, I'm sometimes out of control, but I love and give with all my heart. Have patience with me as I heal.
 
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MarySings replied to MarySings's response:
You know, I knew there was something about Anon19182.

It's you, isn't it?

Now that I know you can write clean and concise, please do that when you write to me. It's so much easier to read.

You sly thing, you!
I'm strong willed and I tell it like it is. I make mistakes, I'm sometimes out of control, but I love and give with all my heart. Have patience with me as I heal.


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