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Do you have Borderline Personality Disorder? This new Exchange has been developed so we can encourage each other, share tips to get through those down days, and/or just vent.
Just diagnosed with BPD
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austinguy24 posted:
Hello all,
I am new to the boards. My name is Blake, and I'm about to turn 22 years of age. I have struggled with anxiety and panic attacks, as well as depression throughout my childhood. My parents are very old school, and always told me that it's just a part of life and I will get over it. Well, I can't quite argue with them, because when they grew up, depression and anxiety werent really a concern or even something you'd think about, as we said before, "a part of life".
I started seeing my primary care physician, and explained my panic attacks, how they accompanied with vomiting and extreme fear of anything and everything. He basically blew me off, until I saw his assistant. Once I saw his assistant, she immediatly put me on 45,.25mg/month xanax as needed, and 20mg Lexapro/daily.
Furthermore, I got my wisdom teeth taken out and the doctors of course prescribed me Vicodin. Little did I know, this was a very powerful, and addictive drug. The Vicodin use continued even after my prescriptions ran out, as I could'nt eat and had extreme urges to go to the bathroom. I found a friend who had a prescription, so I decided to buy a few. This continued for about a month, I then realized how I deep I was into the "hole". I ended up taking up to 10-12 10mg Vicodin daily. So, I decided to go back to my PCP and talk to him, one on one, about my Vicodin situation. Immediatly he tells me "You know what this means, no more Xanax!"... Umm, Okay, benzo's and opiates are two totally different drugs, but, you're the doctor... Anywho, I havent seen him since because now he thinks that I am a low life drug abusing kid, which that is not in anyway my intentions. He wont even treat me for any sort of pain anymore. On to the next PCP!...
So I ended up manning up, and quitting the Vicodin cold turkey, and boy was that a challenge. I've never felt so "not myself" in my life.
Almost a year later, I started to realize the anxiety and depression was here to stay, atleast for the time being, with my life situations and continued "worries".
The vomiting was an issue, also I had blood in my stool, and just generally felt bad with my gastro. I went and got not only a Colonoscopy, but and Endoscopy as well. They found that I had gastritis and a small hernia. I would imagine the gastritis was from all the tylenol in the Vicodin. There was a question on some of the colon/endo paper work that asked "Have you ever addressed this issue phycologically?" ... never really thought of that.
So here we are, I am now seeing a phyciatrist as well as a counselor. Phyc=1x/month, counselor=3-4x/month. I was originally put on 120/month .5 xanax and 20mg/day Lexapro from my pdoc. Then, I asked if I could go the non SSRI route, which I am now on 15mg of Remeron daily. It works wonders! I took the xanax for about 3 months, and got tired of having to take multiple pills throughout the day. I told my pdoc about this, and he immediatly wanted to go the Clonazapam route, which I've done before due to my mother being prescribed, and they made me unsocial, so I told the doc I wanted something else.
Anyways, I'm now on 15mg Remeron daily and 1-2 5mg Valium, 3x daily. (as needed, but 120 are prescribed per month) The Valium is amazing. It takes a little longer to get working, but it stays working for a long time. I still seem to be depressed and have random bouts of anger. Often times I dont want to even get out of bed unless I took a Valium the night before, which kind of preps me for my morning anxiety.
Anywho, just wanted to introduce myself, and see if anyone else has any similar stories.
Best wishes to you all,
Blake

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MarySings responded:
Hi Blake. Welcome to the Borderline community.

You describe your parents as "old school". As a mother I can tell you that parents struggle trying to find the best of everything for our kids. Depression or any mental illness scares most people to pieces. They don't know what to say or do to make you feel better. I'm proud of you for toughing it out and now that you are of legal age to care for yourself, you are getting the help you need.

Stay faithful to the medication. Don't take more or skip doses. The meds can't help you if you don't give them a chance.

Xanax is one of the most addictive drugs there is. Since you violated the use of vicodin, you may always struggle with meds and the effect they have on you. Doctors are very much aware of drug seekers and methods they use to get meds they don't need. Personally, I am proud of you for getting off the vicodin.

For daily use, Klonopin is the drug of choice. It is not habit forming, it is a slow release and taken at 6-7 hour intervals your anxiety stays fairly under control. I take .25mg of Klonopin at 7am and again at 2pm. It helps. It's good that you already knew that it would not be helpful for you so you requested something else.

Be aware of weight gain with the Remeron. That med is often given to nursing home patients to keep their depression under control and to help with their low appetites. Embrace a balanced diet and stick with it. Get all the nutrients you need. Don't skip meals and exercise.

When you have healed from your gastro problems, you will most likely feel much better mentally. Stay on your meds as prescribed and keep all med and therapy appointments.

I hope this community is helpful to you. If you have any questions, be sure to ask them.

Mary
I'm strong willed and I tell it like it is. I make mistakes, I'm sometimes out of control, but I love and give with all my heart. Have patience with me as I heal.


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