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Do you have Borderline Personality Disorder? This new Exchange has been developed so we can encourage each other, share tips to get through those down days, and/or just vent.
Rubeeblue posted:
I've always always had depersonalization invading my life. I don't think I realized how much it has dictated my life. (I did a lot of bad attention ggrabbing actions unwittingly in an attempt to feel SOMETHING).
About a month ago my boyfriend was struck by a car and died. I felt
some nausea and general discomfort, but very little emotions. It has
become clear to me, because of this tragedy, that I am in dire need of
help! I don't even have enough faith to believe anything will help,
since I've had the disorder my entire life! I basically dont know what
its like to have emotions like a normal person. Everything I do is based
on what my intellect guesses I should respond.

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MarySings responded:

I was 48 years old when I had a breakdown. Prior to that, I rarely cried. When an occassion called for tears (death, etc), I would have to bite the inside of my mouth to the point of pain before I could manage to look sad and shed tears.

My 'source' of depersonalization was ingrained in me as a child. No talking without permission. Children are to be seen but not heard. Absolutely no crying ... if you want something to cry about, let me take off my belt and give it to you. On and on and on.

Working through all the garbage of my past has produced enough tears to last a lifetime. For me, tears are certainly 'healing'.

I agree with you that some counseling may help you. I hope you find a good therapist. Just remember that 'unlearning' bad habits will take time.

All the best to you,
I'm strong willed and I tell it like it is. I make mistakes, I'm sometimes out of control, but I love and give with all my heart. Have patience with me as I heal.

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