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Do you have Borderline Personality Disorder? This new Exchange has been developed so we can encourage each other, share tips to get through those down days, and/or just vent.
Schizophrenia Diagnosis
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An_242406 posted:
Hi. I was looking to see if anyone here could help me with issues that I have been having. Recently, things have been getting pretty hectic around my house. I still do not know whats really going on and Im absolutely sure that my "delusions" are fueled by truth. Its getting really hard to keep up with affording this medication. Just when things seem to be getting better things take a turn for the worst. In the past year the police have been to my house four times for domestic disturbances that were a result of my behavior as I'm running out of medication. They laugh at me when they come and they call me Peter Pan. I really dont like it. Three of the four times they came I was sent to a mental hospital where I was stabilized and sent home. The last time they came i tried to explain to them exactly what they do to me once I arrive. I basically lose all of my rights as a human when they 10-13 me. They took me to jail and when I requested my medication they never gave it to me. Instead they sent me to the infirmary where was stripped of my clothes and placed in a semen stained cell wearing only a turtle suit in close observation where a naked chinese man named chopsticks got thrown in with me. I gave him my milk so he would leave me alone, but he pisssed off the guards and they took him to another cell where they beat him. I heard everything. I fear that they have it out for me. Lately I've been hiding out in my room where I've blocked off the vents and blocked the door to prevent them from hurting me. i dont fee safe anywhere. Cheap medication gave me seizures, it was perphenazine. I cant really keep a job for long before stuff happens. I try to drink to self medicate but I dont want to be dependent on alcohol again. I need to talk to a psychiatrist but I cant because he kept leaving the room during my appt and kept asking me to talk with my mother. He asked me three times and each time i told him no. After he left the room also for the third time I decided to go outside for a cigarette and when i came back in my mother wasn't in the waiting room anymore. He was discussing my medical information with her. Im 25 and the only reason she was there was because I didnt have car insurance as i was just getting out of the hospital. I yelled at him and told him that wasnt happy about him violatimng my patient rights and havent seen a doctor since. Now my condition is deteriorating and the medication will surely run out once again alo ng. I know something terrible is going to happen soon. I just know it. They talk about on the news about people that were in situations and whether or not it could have been Prevented. They talk about red flags and warning signs. I made a red flag its hanging in my room. RED FLAG!! Theres another one. How do I help myself if I cant trust anyone anymore. Now i've got all these hospital bills and these ppeople who are here to "protect and serve" . They stand there and laugh at me and smirk, and call me peter. The only thing they served me was a bologna sandwich. What should I do? I would never harm anyone or myself, but what decision am I to make when they back me into a corner. I can only run so far to avoid confrontation. I closed off the vents because when I was completely out of medication I could here whispers and their radios. Sometimes its impossible to ignore. . I know alot of this sounds illogical, but I feel like their taunting me, if they are there. I'll be sleeping at night and they will rip the bedsheets off me while im laying down. How am I supposed to ignore that. I dont know who it is. It doesnt make any sense. I can hear footsteps in the attic and when I've gone jup there I have found empty snacks and slim jim wrappers. When Im on my medication, with the correct dose, I just accept it. I feel like when I take my medication I am surrendering. I know how crazy this all sounds, but this is whats happening to me. Somenone please help before its too late . . .
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