Borderline Personality Disorder Exchange

I had to take a moment away from the computer desk to thwart my immediate (and unhelpful) response.

Although there is some talk that BPD could be organic -- meaning a chemical brain disorder, rather than a behavior disorder -- as far as I can tell, in the professional literature there's no particular answer one way or another. What I can tell you is that you are probably on the Paxil for depression (though you can't be bipolar and also have depression -- one or the other). The Topamax -- I have a friend who's taken it for a while -- is probably added on as a mood stabilizer. The Paxil dose seems a bit low to me -- but keep in mind I'm not by any means a psychiatrist -- but they may slowly increase it over time if it doesn't seem to be helping.

The medication will only go so far. It's by no means a miracle cure and it's not going to do everything for you.

What you're responsible for is your actions. You may be working on feelings and other upsetting things inside you, but staying away from an inpatient psychiatric facility is really up to you. You control your actions -- and I was going to say earlier that if you don't want to go back to to facility, then don't do the things that got you there in the first place. I have been hospitalized in five states so far, all over the country, and the universal admittance policy is if you're doing something to endanger yourself or someone else, they're going to take you into what pretty much equals protective custody. So, if you said "I'm going to do "x," "y," and "z" and that will cause a heck of a lot of hurt to myself" and someone heard you? They'd take you back in as a patient in a minute.

So, it's up to you to decide whether or not you want to continue to do the things that got you admitted in the first place. I know it's not an easy place to be, or easy to think about, but while you're dealing with feelings and other internal things ... don't act on them. It's all about action when you want to stay out of a place like that.

On a lighter note, are you seeing a therapist? Sometimes, one can benefit from seeing someone on a regular basis. It takes a lot of work, but it can be so worth the time and effort.

I'm sorry if I was too harsh. I just want to be practical.

Good luck.

not harsh by no means but very helpful. im just scared to go back to the dr afraid they will put me on more meds. i have 3 boys and cant b put on meds that will alter my daily life. but this problem is messin with my daily life more then anybody around me realizes. my therapist told me never believe anything you think. well i stopped my meds abruptly and now its hard to believe what i think. i feel like ppl are turning against me sometimes out to get me. i feel like im constantly bein watched. my nerves are shot n im always tired n i feel that has alot to do with as ppl had said bein paranoid. what do u suggest to fix this. its drivin me crazy

As long as we're being practical here, I guess I'll say this bluntly.

What do I suggest you do? Go back on your meds.

Think about what you just wrote about -- that you feel like people are against you and are out to get you, that you feel you're being watched, people have used the word "paranoid" to describe you. Does that seem reasonable to you? Tap into that part of your head that you know is reasonable -- think about this stuff. In the grand scheme of things, who is really out to get you? Who watches you? Do you have proof? If you do, what is it?

Agreed, when you're not doing well, it feels like everyone is out to get you -- and that's why your therapist told you not to believe that. Did she really say not to believe "anything" you think? Anything at all? I mean, if that were truly the case, I think you would be in the process of the state taking custody of your boys and you'd be in the process of being admitted to a hospital. But since that's not the case, you're probably not "completely" going out of your mind.

Please don't fight the meds. They're a pain in the neck, I agree -- and they have some really irritating side effects. But look what happens when you abruptly stop meds -- you are exhausted from constantly fighting your own thoughts. The doctors are there to help you, not to hurt you. If they want to put you on more meds, they're doing it with the hope that they can help you live a more normal life. These meds have been tested for years and in some cases, used for decades with clinical proof that they help people. They're not being prescribed so the insurance companies get more money -- they're being prescribed so you can be happier, more at ease, and eventually, more confident in yourself.

Keep breathing. You can do it.

my two-cent's worth


For every psychiatrist, there are untold meds to treat depression. If your current mental health center is not listening to you, then change. They are essentially "your employee" and you can leave them whenever you want to.

Be proactive and look up psych meds. There is a website called crazymeds.us/ that gives you a ton of information on all mental health medications. Look digently and make a note of what meds you think might be helpful to you. When you see your new psych doc you will be able to be a part of your treatment plan.

Find a psych asap.

You don't have to suffer.

All the best to you,
Mary

I have thot bout takin my meds again but my husband tell me that i dont need them he has already talked to his dr n wants me to go to him n pay untold amounts for visits n meds when i dont have to pay anything to go where i go or for my meds but he thinks that my meds r part of my problem but its not i know that i just wish he would see things from my point of view n be in my head for 1 day to see what im going thru he doesnt understand. im gonna start takin my meds again and go back to my dr thank u all so much

I don't mean to hurt you but your husband is a jerk.

Go somewhere and get the help you need!! Your husband is not a doctor nor does he know the effects of depression, anxiety, etc.

Go back to your pdoc (psychiatrist), get on your meds, and then begin praying that your will have a change of heart. Ask him to be part of your treatment team - protecting you and encouraging you.

All the best,
Mary

I second what Mary suggests. I have a lot of relatives in my life who don't know what it's like to live in that kind of torment for one moment. They tell me that "it's all in my head" and that I don't need meds.

I just look at them like they've grown two heads. Do they really want to see me off meds? Really? Even if I did want to show them that, I'm not going to do it because it's just not safe for me to do so. I get the impression from what you say that you're in a very similar situation -- that it's all about money and someone is trying to tell you that money is more important than you health and wellbeing. WRONG. If your husband is rolling in money while you're hospitalized, I don't think that's either a healthy relationship or something you should do.


TRIGGERY BELOW

I'm sorry I'm coming off so forcefully, but this is something I feel very strongly about. For heaven's sake, my mom's own doctor told me that I should stop taking my medications, that I "didn't need" them and that "it was all in my head." I walked out of the office, told the staff I would not need another appointment, told my mom that he was an SOB and I would never set foot in that office again. I haven't, and that was in 2003. I have no intention of seeing him again in any capacity. He is still my mom's primary care doctor, and although he asks about me, I will not go back to that office.

If I had actually taken his advice, I would have become even more actively suicidal, and if I told anyone other than my mom what he'd said, and I did wind up killing myself, he would be liable for criminally negligent homicide, for knowingly recommending that a mentally ill adult under psychiatric care stop taking her medications.

This is no laughing matter. No pun intended, but it is indeed deadly serious.