Hello, I'm concerned with my mental health, and I don't know what it could be. People online have been considering me having BPD, but I'm not over 18. It still could be a possibility. I asked on Yahoo answers, and this one girl said that my situation is normal. I don't think it's normal, at all.
I get mad over every single thing. I have anger issues and I know I do, it runs in my family. Bipolar disorder also runs in my family and I could take that into consideration, but I feel like my situation is more extreme than that. There are multiple situations where it just makes me wonder... I'm not in the standards of the norm in this society, and it worries me, honestly. [br>One of my glitches is that I like making people feel sad, and it amuses me. I do show sadistic behavior and people have pointed it out to me. I like seeing people hurt. I'm not saying that I'm psychotic, I'm still a normal(?) thirteen year old girl. I have crushes, I like boys, I have many friends that I love, but I just think something's off about me. [br>[br>I have minor childhood neglection issues, but it isn't a serious thing, it was very very mild, to the point that no one ever noticed. I don't show any symptoms of it, other than doing reckless things to get attention.[br>[br>I guess to my jealousy, I have this disturbing yearn to hurt little kids. They piss me off. I don't know why, but seeing them cry amuses me. I like it. I'll say to people "Oh I do it because little kids crying is so cute!". No, it's not like that, I like seeing pain from them. It's not just them though, I like seeing it from everyone. [br>[br>It's another thing that I have self-destructive behavior almost everyday (it's incredible when I'm PMSing and such). I constantly have thoughts that make me feel like I'm a burden to this world. Thoughts like "Why the hell are you even here? Do you seriously think people care about you? What a joke! You'd be better off just dying, and you know who would care? No one!" Those are some thoughts that I think of almost all the time. Yesterday I burnt my hand with my hair straightener. I'm lucky it doesn't show any marks on my palms (where I burned) and it felt horrible, but I was laughing like a maniac![br>[br>I feel as if I'm an outsider to everyone. With my family, I joked to my brother and said that I would run away, he muttered "...good." I don't know if you would understand, but I felt like absolute crap. He annoys me. I mean everyone annoys me, but I just can't help it. [br>[br>I genuinely am this nice, obnoxious, outgoing, smart and funny girl, but no one would really understand how twisted I actually am. I have moments when I'll just be basking in the blue sky thinking, "Wow, this day is absolutely beautiful!" and if someone does one thing that pisses me off, I get these random disturbing thoughts of, "Why don't you just burn in a goddamn fire. I hope you die right now, at this second!" And it gets into details, but I surely don't want to disturb anyone.[br>[br>Um, on WebMD, I was looking at symptoms of BPD, and it said that people with it also show ADHD behavior, but I have ADD not ADHD. I mean I do show a bit signs of ADHD, but not enough for it to be classified as ADHD.[br>[br>In the end, I resorted to the possibilities of have BPD. I mean if I do fit the standards, I don't know what to tell my parents. They'll just think I'm crazy and then I'll just have another episode in my mind! I don't know how I would be able to tell them without them thinking I'm insane, but I just want to check with other opinions before I do anything drastic.
Nicole, I don't agree that your problems lean towards a diagnosis of Borderline Personality Disorder.
I don't think you are insane. I worry about your pleasure in seeing others in pain and/or dieing. I worry about your self-discription of your personality. Nice and obnoxious? I worry about your ADD treatment which doesn't seem to help you. Your one paragraph covered so many things, it was difficult to read.
Please talk with your parents about getting some mental health care. I hope and pray you will get the help you need.
I'm strong willed and I tell it like it is. I make mistakes, I'm sometimes out of control, but I love and give with all my heart. Have patience with me as I heal.
Also keep in mind that treating and diagnosing children and teens is a completely different bucket of fish that it is for treating and diagnosing adults.
If you can't get some help by asking your parents to arrange for you to see someone, then maybe you can get some help by asking your school counselor. (Usually, they're glorified paper pushers and will be glad to have some real business.)
I can attest to the thoughts of sadism toward other humans, though I'm a 26 year old male. I don't feel bad abou them anymore; I see the world from a biological "evolutionary" model where the true nature of reality is "kill or be killed". I don't think I felt that way when I was 13 though. I slowly got corrupted..... I do share the feelings of never being worthy too. I'm a male which makes it much harder because these "sensitive" type of introspective feelings are usually attributed to females and not males and thus somewhat taboo..... sigh
i know that the feelings you are both talking about are difficult to over come and i do think that you are both mentally ill. i am not a doctor and i don't have the answers but i can say that i had some of the same feelings you are experiencing when i was 13. if you are truely a child borderline then you need to get help now before you are like me. i am 27 and in the first stable home i have ever known. it takes a lot out of a person to act like nothin bothers you on the outside while on the inside you just scream and cry and wish someone understood what is going on in your head!
i hate to tell you this but i agree with mary that you are not a borderline but i do think you need some counselling at the least. there are so many things that could be the issue but like i told nicole i am not a dr so i can't diagnose you. please please seek out a therapist that will help you. the feelings that you are experiencing at the age of 26 are not normal!
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