Borderline Personality Disorder Exchange

Hey, I'm in my mid 20's and can talk to people rather easily. I actually work in a pharmacy and am in college.

I live at home and commute and work part-time and I try to hit the gym up in my free time.

I play a lot of computer games (actually only one) with online friends and that eats up a lot my time. I don't have a girlfriend so my dad always picks on me for that, and my social interactions with people, even at work, are a bit sketchy. People always define me as "weird" or "annoying" because I can be stubborn and persistent.

I am a very abstract thinker and don't conform to the norms of society so people define me as "odd" right away just based on that, even though I look, atleast I hope, like a normal twenty-somethings male.

Anyway, to my point, I've always been very depressed or bothered by the fact, that even at a young age, I could never attain a deep meaningful relationship with the opposite sex.

Even as far at one point, I thought I must be gay or something so I became really suicidal and stopped eating and was vomiting due to anxiety of being possibly rejected by everyone I love and something that was a "sin".

Anyway, I got over that, had sex a few times and was in a few short term relationships with women and realized I def. liked them.

But as I got older, I found it exceedingly difficult to be intimate with someone; a female.

I also noticed I found alot of traits of "humans" disgusting.

being intimate with someone, next to them, kissing, exchanging bodily fluids - something weird happened to me, and no matter how "attractive" the girl, I began to find these things disgusting. It's almost like I began to loathe the human race.

Its very weird and I still don't understand it, and my parents wonder more and more about me and worry, which in turn makes me really disgusted with myself sometimes.

I don't know exactly whats wrong with me and I try to keep an open mind and analyze myself and certain situations and I think I might be mentally damaged or something.

so I came here and am trying to figure out why I can't be intimate with someone when I'm 25 and I saw people having sex all the time my age and partying, while I spend saturday nights alone at my computer. And I'm not dumb and I can see all of this happen. I just don't get it.