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Do you have Borderline Personality Disorder? This new Exchange has been developed so we can encourage each other, share tips to get through those down days, and/or just vent.
What happened to me in my youth to do this to me?
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frankfkc posted:
In 2010 I was diagnosed with OCD and eventually after living with it I found that I have B.P.D. Borderline Personality Disorder. I come from an emotionally/Physically abusive childhood and I've traced it back to that. My main question is that I remember one time when I was five years old I had told my mom that I hated her. My father grabbed me by my arm and picked me up while I was in my underwear and told me to "get out and stay out. This isn't your home if you don't love her." Is that possibly the catalyst of all my problems and feelings? I feel allota of pain coming from that memory and it fits in with my anxious state. BPD is a form of PTSD or something. Am I reliving the trauma? I read an article and this excerpt sounds like me: "A child is intuitively aware of his dependence on an external source for his emotional, circumstantial, and physical well-being. He perceives himself as limited in his capacity to deal with real-life obligations and responsibility and really doesn't want it anyway. All he really wants is superficial responsibility, the kind that is fun and provides personal gratification but has no real consequences; leave the real stuff to the adults. He wants his life to be in the realm of fantasy and play.[br>[br>If a child is thrust into what he perceives as real-life/adult responsibility and emotional/psychological independence to soon (the emotional abandonment or betrayal scenario), all his limited characteristics become evident and amplified. He feels weak, insecure, inferior, angry, unhappy, inadequate, distrustful, etc; all the real capacity of a emotionally hurt child. As this child matures, especially through adolescence, he probably wont develop healthy and mature replacements of confidence and growth beyond his childish limitations. Instead, as a substitute, he builds a fortress, an outward facade/image which gives the appearance of competence and security.[br>[br>As he grows, he can sense his facade and that not much inside himself seems real; he therefore begins to feel very empty and hollow, even more so than a normal teenager does. This is an early and recurring sign that his intellect and his emotions are way out of sync. His conscious intellect is aware that something is wrong but he can't control or identify exactly what it is; and, unfortunately for the BPD, wont get any better." how do I fix this. My father would tell me you need to get your head right your trapped in your mind. Is that old school thinking a legit way to solve my problems? What do I do??!!
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grateful2besober responded:
Have you ever been a part of a DBT (Dialectical Behavioral Therapy) group? We have them through our Community Mental Health programs in Michigan and I'm sure that individual counseling firms probably conduct them as well. It is about learning to take emotions and information, put them together and come out with a wise reaction or decision. My whole life I have made emotional decisions, not really thinking through the ramifications sometimes. OR I'm too rigid and by the book. DBT is helping me find a happy medium. I would also suggest intense work with a therapist or small group of like members to discuss these concerns. One of my main borderline issues is my relation to other people, so getting out into the community and getting involved helps me. I self medicated for a long time by drinking to cover up these issues so I happen to also attend a 12 step recovery program. That helps me learn how to forgive my past, forgive myself and move on and live in the day. Without that assistance I would still be quite miserable. Bucking up and acting like your tough has never worked for me. I'm as sick as my secrets and that does no one any good. Good luck to you.
 
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livetothefull responded:
Hi Frank

I feel your pain and confusion. I've had childhood traumas and sought therapy and Adult Child 12 step meetings. They were extremely helpful and healing. I'm on a personal journey now of accepting my childhood and past experiences as a gift. It is apart of what makes me ME. I also want you to check out an amazing CD series called "Your Wish is Your Command." You may find the CD helpful. I'm not sure if you will have any interest. You know your situation better than I do. However I encourage you to get a copy online. I have personally found this material to be life changing in an extremely positive way. I think you may get excited about this as well. Please follow my community on Datisha's Passion for Life and Purpose for encouragement.


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