Borderline Personality Disorder Exchange

kaykillen, I feel for you. It sounds like you are at the jumping off point. It is hard to be comfortable with others when you are not comfortable with yourself. You said you get depressed for no reason, I disagree, you may be depressed because you suffer from depression. It is a diagnosis that has been shown on pet scans. It affects everything and I suggest you see a doctor because you sound like you are in a really bad place.
I was there not too long ago I ended up cutting myself and ended up in the hospital.
I was drinking a lot thinking that I was making myself feel better until I realized that I have a severe mental illness that cannot be treated if I kept drinking. It was that realization that helped me quit drinking and go to a partial care program. I am blessed that I am on ssi and can afford to spend my days working on my illness. I hope that I will be able to learn enough and change my thinking enough to be able to maintain with just counseling.
When I was in the pit of dispair I asked God for help but my mood was so black I couldn't see where he was helping me. I was praying with one thought and telling myself that it was a waste of time with the next thought. I just thank God that I was diagnosed and treated. I now take meds for bi polar and depression. I was missing chemicals that I needed. Since I have been on the meds I don't get so low. It is not easy dealing with the emotions that are out of control but I am still fighting. I know that I learn a little more every day and it does get easier.
I hope this helps you.

thank you. yeah it must be the chemical lacking in my brains apart from what i've been through that i cant let go.
i dont really have the money for my medication. my healthcare doesnt cover any mental illness examination. i just started with my life. living without a family. im the only one taking care of myself