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    Do you have Borderline Personality Disorder? This new Exchange has been developed so we can encourage each other, share tips to get through those down days, and/or just vent.
    Losing it
    BPinPgh posted:
    I just lost someone whom I adored, to suicide. I've been where he was only I failed in my attempt. I'm on a pendulum swinging crazily between profound sadness and murderous rage. I don't have anywhere to put this loss. The only thing saving me is that I feel I owe it to him to keep trying. My Dr. can't see me for 3 weeks. This is going to suck. Help!!
    marysings responded:
    I'm sorry that your friend could not find the help he needed. As you see what his death has done to yourself and others, I hope you are realizing that suicide is not the answer.

    (I have tried twice and thankfully failed. Now I think of my sons and their wives and the four grandchildren. My husband of 40 years would simply be devastated.)

    No, please don't keep trying. Call the Dr. in the morning and tell the receptionist you are suicidal and need help NOW.

    Keep posting here. There are several of us who will hold your hand through this trying time.

    ... but we rejoice in our afflictions because we know that affliction produces endurance, endurance produces proven character, and proven character produces hope. Romans 5:3b
    sittingbull594 replied to marysings's response:
    Hi. I too am very sorry you have lost a friend. I know I too have tried to do this act of violence upon myself and have failed. My sis actually did succeed however and so as someone who has tried to suicide and someone who has fallen victim to someone who has actually passed well its a double sided sword.

    I can tell you that I miss my sis terribly. The idea that I would be better off with her is not reality. Nor would it be for you.
    YOu cannot bring your friend back. I can't bring my sister back.

    Please do keep trying the dr.'s office and tell them what you have told us here!

    You simply cannot wait for more time to pass. Please reach out as yo uhave done here. There is help if you reach out.
    If you need help sooner call 1800 suicide... Better check that
    # online.

    There are suicide telephone no's. in your city or county.

    Keep writing here. and hope it helps. I'm going to bed soon after I post here and will send you good vibes.
    May God walk before you. b.e.f.
    BPinPgh replied to sittingbull594's response:
    Mary and SittingBull,
    Thank you both for your kind and thoughtful words. Advice is always more easily accepted from those that have battled the same demons. I need to get through this for the sake of my kids. Sometimes though, I sink so low that I have trouble remembering that. I really don't want to go back into the hospital, but I promise I'll go back in before I try to hurt myself again.
    marysings replied to BPinPgh's response:
    BPinPgh, thank you for reading and understanding what I wrote and what SittingBull wrote. Your post brought back the memories of what I went through when I was recovering from my attempt. It was not good.

    You are very important to your family. Those kids would find it hard to accept your death, no matter the reason. I'm glad you realize that. Keep their pictures with you and look at them often. When you can, tell them over and over that you love them.

    I do hope the Dr's office can get you in sooner than 3 weeks.

    ... but we rejoice in our afflictions because we know that affliction produces endurance, endurance produces proven character, and proven character produces hope. Romans 5:3b
    sittingbull594 replied to marysings's response:
    I know from personal experience that even tho sometimes we think our kids don't need us (mine are 30) they really do!
    We never stop being a parent.... Life is a treasure for us and I hope you can dig you're heels in and stay the course!!

    No one said it would be easy eh?? Stupid thing to say but its true. We have these huge challenges trials and errors and that is what we are suppose to do. We learn from these things and also from the beauty there is in the world.

    Sometimes when its so dark and cloudy we have a hard time seeing anything other than our pain. Take a few minutes and go outside and see how many beautiful things there are in nature. Even if you're in the city OK?? Look at your special wonderful children and their faces. What are they expressing. Watch your children as they sleep and see the peace you can have too.

    It's a constant work we do ..... Sometimes its easier sometimes its harder.. I really do speak from my heart and hope that the going gets easier soon.

    God speed...

    May God walk before you. b.e.f.

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