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Do you have Borderline Personality Disorder? This new Exchange has been developed so we can encourage each other, share tips to get through those down days, and/or just vent.
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sittingbull594 posted:
Mary mary mary! how'd it go ? I wrote to you and apparently it didn't post. I've been having a real hard time and came incrediuously close to ending it all. saw t today and I feel better.

Hows it goin?

did you do the couples thing then? fill me in if you wanna. I really like hhow you say what you mean and mean what you say!

thanks for that. you don't use bad habits to do that either. you are who you are and I like it. thanks mary sings to our hearts
May God walk before you. b.e.f.
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marysings responded:
I am glad you were strong. I've been there, too, and I know how it is to say no.

I see Dr.B on Tuesday. We see the marriage counselor on Friday. She will see A first.

I don't have a lot of time this evening. I'll write more later.

Mary
... but we rejoice in our afflictions because we know that affliction produces endurance, endurance produces proven character, and proven character produces hope. Romans 5:3b
 
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sittingbull594 replied to marysings's response:
well i'm glad mary that its moving along! (that is the time to finally finally get into marriage counceling) Better late than never right??

yes its been a very ardous task to keep myself from not sh'ing to pieces and also the other. sigh i'm trying to remember to let it be... like the beatles song. have you ever listened to that song and really obsorbed it? I listened to it once in my therpists office and it was really great and then I started listening to it on my ipod.

I really love your tag line for that is really the truth!! That has really come up for me in the last few days because I have really messed up some things badly. First comes acceptance of what is and then changing it. I don't know how to change it except to change it when situations happen that I know I will do the behavior in. so I will change it. that's all there is to it ha! not as easy as said tht's for sure.

i'm watching two robins this morning vie for time above my slider in getting their nests made! its pure craziness for them and for me as I see crap hanging down shreds of dead long grasses from the top of my slider door. big thick strands. lol. looks like someone was in a fight. I don't understand why in the heck they are making 3 nests up there. this space above my slider is very small and we had filled it in with rocks. the robins have quiet an obstacle to fly into this space but they're managing to do it. crazy
May God walk before you. b.e.f.
 
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marysings replied to sittingbull594's response:
We are leaving town tomorrow morning but will turn in our computers to a repair shop this evening. I will feel lost without my computer but this thing seems to be slowly failing.

I am so happy you are on the right track to keep yourself safe. I usually sleep to escape. This morning my sister pointed out all my faults in our morning phone visit. I am still perturbed with her so I'm going to take a nice nap this afternoon. So many of my mannerisms are due to drugs and Borderline. Those are out my control but she doesn't think so. I'm like - who does she think she is?

We have birds that build nests on our brick window ledges. Watching the babies grow is so interesting.

I'm glad you are here to stay.

Mary
... but we rejoice in our afflictions because we know that affliction produces endurance, endurance produces proven character, and proven character produces hope. Romans 5:3b
 
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sittingbull594 replied to marysings's response:
hey hey hey

sounds like you've got issue to with the darn computers!! growls big time. I've been hassling my computer for 2 mos. at least now and getting no where fast that's for sure. at least for now its working.

i'm trying to stay safe and if I could quit drinking then that would help more. I am really despondent about some things that have been happening for quiet a while now.

yes it's easier to judge someone else (your sis pointing out things) than to look in our own backdoor right? I would be perturbed too. Yes exactly who does she think she is?
lol. I'm glad you're going to take a nap and decide not to deal with it right now. You're working on things and then when people have to try and make you have more pain it's counter productive.

you should see these birds nests up here. its friggin crazy!!

there is nest the whole length of my slider! lol. THey went crazy isn't it to late for birds to be building nests? unless they plan to winter above my door? hmmm now that would be interesting!!

Well I wish you the best in your counceling this week. its a very worthwhile expedition! I love corresponding with you!

I'm here to stay for now. I've been threatening suicide for so long now. Now here i'm closer and if I do try I think I may succeed. can't stand the pressure of myself! and the people in the Kai jobs that are hurting me! tho I deserve to be hurt cuz I've really messed up. That's how it is tho.

well best of luck to ya again. catch ya on the flip side. Hope they can salvage your computers!

till later...... signing off for now sb
May God walk before you. b.e.f.
 
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marysings replied to sittingbull594's response:
Thank you for the compliment. I also enjoy our conversations.

Friday morning "A" got up and went into a rage because I am behind on the ironing. He wears a dress shirt and tie to work everyday. There are no ironed shirts in the closet. Then he added fuel to the fire and declared he did not have the time on Fridays to go to counseling. I kept the appointment and talked about my life. I cried. I dissociated. She was very nice, even when I kept her 10 minutes past the hour. "A" has an appointment for July 25 at 8am. He has already told me that I am not welcome to go with him.

I am also in the same stage of self-preservation and I have decided that no matter how strong the urge, I will not commit suicide. There are too many people who tell me they love me and I know my death would be devastating to them. I want to tell them that I am doing them a favor, but I won't do that.

We got the computers back but he disabled my three search bars and icons. I've been trying to figure out how to get them back but he also made them unavailable. I'll keep trying today to correct the error.

Alcoholism runs in my family. My father, his father, and his brother were alcoholics. My sister started AA about 10 years ago and my younger son started AA about 4 years ago. Have you found an AA group near you? My sister's alcoholism was so bad that she went to 4 meetings a day for 2 years. I'll be praying for you. When you want it bad enough, you'll find sobriety.

My sister's pastor died unexpectedly last week and the funeral was yesterday. She really liked and respected him, so the day was difficult for her. I'll wait to confront her about the lecture I got from her when she is stronger.

Well, it's time to begin ironing. If I don't make an effort my name will be mud all day. I hate living with conflict so it's easier to give in to him than to stand up to him.

Oh, I also forgot to tell you that I probably broke my thigh bone above my 'new' knee. I looked it up last week since the pain has been pretty bad. I see my ortho doc tomorrow.

When it rains, it pours. I want to see DrB this week but I know he is closing the office Thursday and Friday; the first three days are probably full. rats

Mary
... but we rejoice in our afflictions because we know that affliction produces endurance, endurance produces proven character, and proven character produces hope. Romans 5:3b
 
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sittingbull594 replied to marysings's response:

there's just something about the name Mary that is so nice.
ya know mother mary comes to me speaking words of wisdom let it be let it be let it be let it be The Beatles

I need to let it be! but just having a hard go. o well. i'll quit complaining.

I'm glad that after the dust settles you'll be able to talk to your sis about how you feel. It's very important for you to be validated. Me too. Not getting any of that unless I go fishing for it. and i'm not doing that anymore.

got really sick earlier and husband said before bed sorry you're sick.

I'm sorry A is being angry. My husband will listen to me sometimes but this weekend its why don't I take a break from my problem and then tonight it was well he told me he doesn't talk at 7 p.m. (he goes to bed at I din't know it was 7 last night when I started talking about it. so also apparently I said when he said that if he were a bachelor he'd sleep eat and sleep somemore with watching tv on sundays. (its his only real day off but always something to do!) he works very hard and I've just gotta shut up. Thanks for listening to me M. Well now anyway on to you. I know my husband doesn't really want to listen to me at all.
I know I used to do everything as perfect as I could and I did do all but his jjob. raised the kids by myself till ages early preteen and early teen. boy I really missed out on stuff and continue to.
its really hard like you state when i'm sure you had a hard time like you state with the counceling and he doesn't even come. That bites big time. Well at least its encouraging he'll go by himself to see her! I hope you can hold onto that facet of the situation that is positive. I mean at least he's gonna go.

I'm sorry to hear about your leg. Lordy can you really wait that long to go to a ortho? Have you been to your reg. doc to see what they can do for now? I hope so.

I decided that I would try and quit drinking. I had two margaritas at the restaurant last night and nothing today. I need to handle things on lifes terms. UGH
May God walk before you. b.e.f.


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