Hey, My name is John and my recent girlfriend and I just broke up. She had BPD. Im not sure if I am coming to the right place to talk about this but I was hoping someone could help me.
We had been together for just under 2 years. In the beginning, it was great. We were together all of the time and everything about the relationship was great! As time went on, she would get mad at me for either no reason or for the smallest things. When she would get mad, she would ignore my txts, phone calls, she would threaten to break up with me. As a result, I would panic! I would take the blame for everything, even if it wasn't my fault. I just wanted to make her better and make everything okay.
AS the months went on, the dysfunction in our relationship became normal! We both kind of depended on it! She would get mad at me on a regular basis and it would be because of the little things! Again, I would just "sigh" and take the blame. It all became normal! However, over the past summer, we were on and off, we broke up and got back together about 2 or 3 times.
We broke up about two weeks ago because I will be studying abroad next semester and we have not gotten back together since. At first, we both agreed that regardless of how hard it might be, breaking up would be the best thing to do. At first, we ended on good terms!
Two days later, she txts me to see "How I am doing." I felt horrible, I missed her, I had been wondering what she had been doing. I felt absolutely horrible! The txting back and forth lasted a few hours until I told her I had to go!
A few days later, she txts me again to see how I am doing. I told her, again, that I still felt horrible! To make this long story a little shorter, she became mad at me! She started telling me that she did not care if I would be away next semester because she loved me! I told her I loved her too but that I was confused after all of the conversations/arguments we had been having regarding me going abroad! She blamed me for everything! She accused me of never loving her, never caring about her, etc. It was all rapid fire!
At this point, after all the arguments we had been having since we had started going out, after all of the dysfunction, and especially after this past summer with the constant breaking up/getting back together, I realized that our relationship was unhealthy!
Now, two weeks after breakup, I feel like crap! And social media (facebook, twitter, instagram) are only making it worse. My ex keeps liking old pictures of us on facebook and posting about how horrible she feels. Next thing I know, she is posting on twitter and instagram about how she is out drinking/partying with friends, and basically how I am the problem. She would tweet things such as, "f**k you, you have no idea what you've done to me." and "I miss you." Also, another thing is, she would ALWAYS tell me how she hated partying and drinking, and now, that's all she is doing!
Ive come to this forum because I truly feel horrible. I don't know what to do! I don't know if it is my fault, her fault, or both! Does she actually love me? Did she ever love me? Or was I simply someone she could control and rely on! How can I get over all of this?
Sorry this was such a long post! I appreciate any help!
Oh my. First thing you have to realize is that most of this 'mess' is not your fault. Being Borderline is hard when it's not treated. I'm not sure there are certain drugs for it, but counseling is highly recommended.
There are two books I want to recommend for you: "Walking On Eggshells" and "I Hate You, Don't Leave Me"
I have a feeling you'll find them both very helpful for you to understand why she acts out.
As far as your girlfriend, you must love her very much. Maybe these books will help your situation. I think the best thing you need to remember is that you can't change her, you can only change yourself.
I have Borderline Personality. My biggest fear is abandonment which is why I only have a few friends. I push them away before they might leave, thus masking abandonment before it becomes real.
I wish you the best.
... but we rejoice in our afflictions because we know that affliction produces endurance, endurance produces proven character, and proven character produces hope. Romans 5:3b
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