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Do you have Borderline Personality Disorder? This new Exchange has been developed so we can encourage each other, share tips to get through those down days, and/or just vent.
It's been a long time but hello (possible trigger)
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bod27 posted:
Hey there guys, how you all doing?I know it has been ages but I have been doing relatively well and didn't want to trigger myself (hope you don't mind). The fact that I am posting here is because all is not great in the land of Bod right now.

May be a trigger (I won't know until I have finished writing but just in case)...











For those of you who don't know me I live in the UK so some of my terminology may be different - ask if you don't get it

I have been struggling recently but have really noticed a problem since I gave up smoking. I haven't smoked in 11 days, having gone cold turkey (I never smoked that much and I am not even sure if I was even smoking 'properly' - which may explain why I found it really quite easy).

The problem I have come across is that I never realised just how much I used having a fag to cope with the emotional spikes and anxiety of BPD. I am turning into a wreck. everything is coming apart at the seams and I don't know what to do. I don't want to ring or speak to my gp as I don't like wasting his time but I also can't fall apart because of my students (I support students in reciept of disabled student funding, which includes alot of mental health problems - in fact I currently support 2 x bipolar sufferers, 1 x paranoid schizophrenic, 3 x students with depression and another one who lost her father last week to name but a few) I am worried that if I have to go back into the system I won't be able to do my job effectively as some of them may see me at the outpatients clinic.

my urges are all over the place, I can't stop the noise in my head, I am trying to use my DBT skills to avoid sh but am coping by eating - which in turn is increasing my self loathing and therefore depression which then increases the urges. I am withdrawing more and more and am swinging between permenant anxiety and depths of dispair.

I don't expect anyone to be able to do anything (I am not even sure if anyone I used to know is still around) but I could just do with a bit of support so if anyone fancies saying hi or has any helpful hints that would be fab.

(I am prob going to copy this and post it on the sh board as well)

Take it easy and be kind to yourself

Bod
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caroeden responded:
try an e-cig, it may help. or just don't light the cigarette. a lot of my need is the action of smoking.

but in all honesty, i had a psychiatrist tell me once "as a medical doctor, i hate that you smoke. as a mental health provider - for you, i love it"

smoking has been one of my coping strategies since even before my diagnosis, so i would lose my mind if i quit. keep up the good work!
 
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bod27 replied to caroeden's response:
Thanks Caroeden, I hadn't even considered how much I used it as a coping strategy. Actually found giving up easy - had planned how to cope practically by changing what I drink (for the moment I now have white coffee not black for example) and keeping my hands full or in my pockets when I walk to work. I have an e-cig but seeing as there has been no nicotine in my body for over 10 days now it would be a shame to re-introduce it.

I have spoken to a friend whose husband continues to smoke because it is the only way he can deal with the stress caused by their son, who is on the autistic spectrum, and she suggested it may be better for me to continue smoking while I get other strategies in place.

I do feel a bit better today but I didn't have any students and reached out to you guys last night (as well as writing everything down) so I think I have released the pressure valve for a bit. Will wait and see how it is next week and decide if I will bother a dr about it.
 
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caroeden replied to bod27's response:
i'm assuming you're in the uk, so i'm not sure how it is there, but we have e-cig cartridges that are just the water vapor (no nicotine). maybe that might help??

i'm glad you're doing better - and good job reaching out. i know that it is hard.
 
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bod27 replied to caroeden's response:
I got an e-cig last year and knows I can get no nicotine liquid but I want to try and get away from any pretence of smoking as I think I would be more likely to start again. So far I have been managing with some aromatherapy oils on a hankie. I keep it in the pocket of my bag that used to hold my cigs so I can get to it easily. Into my third week now so getting there.


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