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Do you have Borderline Personality Disorder? This new Exchange has been developed so we can encourage each other, share tips to get through those down days, and/or just vent.
anybody seen mary?????????????
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wishes23 posted:
it has been a few days
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marysings responded:
I'm here. I've been in a fibromyalgia flare and enduring tremendous pain. Today was day 8 and this morning I finally called my rhuemetologist for help. She faxed orders to the local hospital for two shots: 60mg torodal and a cortosteroid. I am feeling much better this evening. Just really, really tired.

I go to counseling tomorrow. You know - the 2.5 hour drive there, 1 hour of counseling, and 2.5 drive home. I've been going for so long, I think my Blazer could drive itself. LOL

All that said, thank you very much for thinking of me. I'm going to check on a few other boards and then hit the bed.

Hugs,
Mary
When we do the best we can, we never know what miracle is wrought in our life, or in the life of another. Helen Keller
 
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marysings replied to marysings's response:
Had a 'true' Borderline morning yesterday before leaving for counseling. A local pastor of another church and I clash all the time on facebook. He caught me off guard this morning and of course I answered with anger/rage. Then came the guilt and shame and I self-harmed on the drive to therapy. It was a difficult day and on days like that, I really resent this disease. ugh, puke, ick Why can't I just be normal?
When we do the best we can, we never know what miracle is wrought in our life, or in the life of another. Helen Keller
 
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nopoin replied to marysings's response:
I'm responding to mary sings reply I've been trying to live without my disorders for awhile. Trying to live between depressive disorder, borderline disorder and Self Injury my day is filled with fun, ( not ) Are you sure that you'r not normal and the rest of the world are the ones that aren't all screwed up? My boss at work wants me to be in that so called normal world, Iv'e given up trying, what i do on a daily basis has to have some sense of control to it. otherwise I may have not lived this long. I wish I could have one day that I could let my guard down and just be.
 
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marysings replied to nopoin's response:
nopoin, we seem to have a lot in common with depression, borderline, and self-harm issues.

When I had my breakdown, I slid into the deepest, darkest pit of depression. I tried to work but in my position as Human Resources Assistant to the Director, I was a mess of humanity at that desk. I was unable to get things accomplished unless I wrote them down and then I would forget to look at the list and they still wouldn't get done. I cried all the time. I had to leave work so often that my boss finally offered me a year-long paid medical leave (I was on salary). And about 5 months later called me in to tell me that my position was being closed and I would be on permanent early retirement due to medical problems. (that was a lie, of course, but I won't go there...)

You might look into SS disability. The money isn't great but not having to try to work was a big relief to me. I filled out my disability application with LOADS of detail about what I was expected to accomplish and why I couldn't do it anymore.

Just giving you something to think about.
When we do the best we can, we never know what miracle is wrought in our life, or in the life of another. Helen Keller
 
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dem24 replied to marysings's response:
hi mary, i hope you read this, the last time i wrote to you never saw it, for what is worth , i saw what you posted about what happened after your first attempt, that kind stuck with me, you should never give what you love for people that, god forgives,i know i am not one of your favorite people i just wanted to say that
 
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marysings replied to dem24's response:
dem24, why would say that you are not one of my favorite people? That's not true, not true at all. I don't think there is anyone in any of the communities that I participate in that I don't like. Please, do not think that I don't care about you. I do.

I'm trying to remember what I posted after my first SI attempt but my memory is too bad. Where/what post did you read?

Mary
I'm strong willed and I tell it like it is.I make mistakes,I'm sometimes out of control but I love and give with all my heart.If you can't accept me at my worst then you don't deserve me at my best.
 
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dem24 replied to marysings's response:
you posted that someone in your church told you should not sing yo god becatse you spit in his face because of wnat you did. there are times that u have posted things to support you and would just sit there, you wrote to someone that you do not take the tine to read other people s post
 
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marysings replied to dem24's response:
Oh yes, the alto who sang with my trio. Turns out her opinion was really her mother's opinion. And that is just one more reason why we don't attend that church anymore.

I used to get varied answers to the question "Would God still let me into heaven if I killed myself?" My new pastor gently reminded me that once I was saved in 1972, that my final home would be in heaven. Once saved, always saved. And then he put his arm around me and asked me to stay safe. He told me that he and his wife cared about me and loved me, and they wanted me to stay around. I smile as I write this. It's a very nice memory.

Yes, there are sometimes that I don't read every post. I am sure I am not alone with that statement. When I am in the depths of depression, I can't read all the posts. When I am bone-tired, I can't read all the posts. That does NOT mean that I just pick and choose. There are times when I DO read every post but I don't have the energy to reply. That does not mean that I don't care, that means that I am human and I have faults just like everyone else.

Please forgive me for whatever you are putting in the path of our relationship. Do you want me to like you? You seem to be fighting me on this. Why? Why not just allow us to be friends? Let's start over and set behind us whatever you deem to be a conflict. I'm more than willling to be your friend.

Mary
I'm strong willed and I tell it like it is.I make mistakes,I'm sometimes out of control but I love and give with all my heart.If you can't accept me at my worst then you don't deserve me at my best.
 
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dem24 replied to marysings's response:
that was never my intention alot of this has nothing yo do with you, last week i commented on chris s profile picture, she asked me how i was, i but i bet she was sorry she asked, you@caprice@bod where the only people that i connected with, when you posted that thing before you went in the hospital, i felt so guilty because i was the first to reply after that, i felt like i let you down.when no one knew what happened to you o helped keep the thread at the top. i hope that answers your question on how i feel, like i said a lot of this has nothing to do wit you, i hate who u am
 
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dem24 replied to dem24's response:
the last part was wrong i hate who i am. i told chris what the anger and the impulses make me feel
 
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marysings replied to dem24's response:
I can certainly relate to self-hate. I bought a book over the weekend that says we need to learn to forgive ourselves before we can fully heal. I may talk about that book more when I get it read. It ought to be interesting.

You and I are friends and that is wonderful.

Hugs from Mary
I'm strong willed and I tell it like it is.I make mistakes,I'm sometimes out of control but I love and give with all my heart.If you can't accept me at my worst then you don't deserve me at my best.
 
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shanabanana09 replied to marysings's response:
Mary I have been reading a lot of your post, and I find you very interesting, and very likable, and I like your smile. It's ok that you're not "normal", neither am I. What is normal anyway? I can tell you are a sweet lady, and I think I may be one of your biggest fans now. Lots of love to u Mary!
 
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marysings replied to shanabanana09's response:
Well, thank you very much for the compliments! A fan? My husband is going to roll his eyes...LOL. I can hardly wait to tell him!

I posted the new picture to brag a bit...I'm halfway to my goal of losing 95 pounds! (And I was having a good hairday )

It's nice to meet you, shanabanana. Your name is so interesting...were you called that when you were little?

Mary
I'm strong willed and I tell it like it is.I make mistakes,I'm sometimes out of control but I love and give with all my heart.If you can't accept me at my worst then you don't deserve me at my best.
 
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shanabanana09 replied to marysings's response:
Yes Miss Mary, I was called that. My name is Shannon and it's nice to meet you as well. Congratulations on the weight loss! I have gained 15-20 lbs in only a few months because I had heard bad things about artificial sweetener so I came off of them. Well now sweetener is my bff again after a week, and I think I've lost maybe 2 lbs. I am thinking of trying the Atruvia since it's supposed to be all natural. I am so happy the weather is warming up. It makes me feel better to go out walking!


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