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Ereal46 posted:
Hello all Just need to vent I guess. Had lumpectomy 1/30, completed radiation 2wks ago, still very fatigued but coping. My boyfriend of 1 year hadn't seen by healing breast until he walked in on me while I had just finished showering. We had talked about the fact that he wasn't ready to see it. His reaction was not how I thought he'd react. He looked disgusted and shocked at the sight of me standing there nude. To make a long story short, he did break up with me stating that he had too many things going on in his life to commit to a serious relationship. I know I have to move on and accept the fact that he probably was the person for me. It just doesnt do too much to help my self esteem any. Has this happened to anyone out there?
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Rachael67 responded:
Gal, I am so sorry that this happened! What a jerk!!!!!

Unfortunately, this is not dreadfully uncommon...We find that most men come down on one side or the other: Either they are the same type of crap-heads or they are real winners... Members of the "good guy team"! Although the good guys can make the journey easier, the jerks can do uncalculated damage to the ego and self-esteem. I can't begin to imagine what you are going through! Even though your head might reassure you, your heart and gut must be reeling!

Getting beyond such an assault (and that's exactly what it was! If he had physically inflicted pain, I doubt it could hurt much worse!) is not going to be easy. First of all, please come here often! We are very good at offering support and hand-holding...Far too many of our members have "been there/done that"!

Secondly, can you find a local support group? Attending some of their gatherings may help turn things in the right direction.

Thirdly, be patient with YOU!! Give yourself time to recover from what just happened. Have a big 'ole pity party complete with balloons and cake! Cry! Throw things! (Preferably soft things...Why cause damage to your environment?!) And, MOST IMPORTANTLY, give this party a time limit! Make it short and passionate and gut-wrenching...But after the alloted time (a day or so), NO MORE!

After the party, begin living the rest of your life! It won't be too far down the line when you will be on the otherside of this incident, and you will rejoice that he is out of your life! YOU DESERVE BETTER!

Remember, living well is the best revenge! You had no control over this fool, but you do have control over the direction your life takes now. Make your life sweet and complete and joyful!

You will be in our thoughts and hearts.

Blesings. Rachael
 
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djmelt responded:
OMG, What a, a, I can't say it here. I'll go with stupid idiot. That stupid idiot does not deserve you. I mean, how shallow can he be? I hope that is a typo in your post up there about him being the one for you, because if it isn't, we need to talk girlfriend.

Having said all of this, I know how much it hurts to lose someone you loved and you thought loved you. Now you know, he loves nobody but himself. You have bigger and brighter things ahead of you in your life. Rachael is right. Have your pity party and then go out and pamper yourself. You deserve it and you are more than WORTH it.

I always tell my niece, life's too short to tolerate fools. Love and Gentle Hugs, Donna
 
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samsmomjen responded:
Sorry, but your ex-bf is a jerk (would've used choicer words but then Caprice would have censored my post).

Sorry you had to get diagnosed and have the surgery. It does suck to have so many life changes and then have someone you thought would be there for you walk away.Not every man is strong enough or man enough to handle a breast cancer diagnosis. But they are out there. Hoping that our friend Peg will be around to tell her sweet story of love after breast cancer.

Glad you found us...stay strong. Give yourself some time.

hugs,

Jennifer
 
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564deb responded:
I agree with the other ladies. You have been through the battle of your life and you certainly deserve much better than your ex has to offer. You are still the same beautiful person that you were before your lumpectomy. Focus on yourself and your recovery. Some day you will find the true "Mr. Right" and he will love you for all the right reasons!!

Deb
 
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MBH2003 responded:
My mom's been dead since 1985 but she would want me to say to you, "Good riddance to bad rubbish."

Mary (I ought to know) Beth
 
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MBH2003 responded:
And, I should have added, there definitely is life after jerks.

Mary (I ought to know that, too!) Beth
 
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Toot67 responded:
Probably the right guy for you? NO- NO- NO! HE WASN'T! The right guy for you would have hugged you gently and said something like. "It's not all that bad darling." My husband who was my boy friend at the time looked at me, and said with a smile. "So, when are we getting married?" Now that is the right guy!!! The boy friend you had couldn't see past his selfish-self centered nose and see the beautiful, strong woman that was standing before him. God blessed you honey when that one left. You deserve much better. So, thank the Lord for that small favor every night before closing your eyes, and know in your heart that THE ONE is out there some where looking for you. He will not judge the size of your breast or whether or not you even have breast. He will see inside your eyes the soul that he has been looking for.

God bless and Good luck Lady bug--Keep your chin up.. Vickey
 
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lauriecake responded:
I feel sorry for him, and you are lucky to be rid of such an immature fool. When the right man comes along (and he WILL) the two of you can laugh at what a mistake it would have been to spend any more of your valuable time with that creep. Trust me.... Time heals everything, and everything happens for a reason. You'll see. Take care
 
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deserteagle50cal responded:
well muck him, :angry:would you be more attractive in a casket, i am disgusted now, so what if he was, he wasn't for you, you life is more than anybody part that "attracts" men to you. He probbaly left the best person he ever had, and if he didn't so what, you are here to meet that man that will look at YOU and not parts that "define" you . I am sorry that happened to you, or anyone else, he needs a good kick in th pants, and you can look back and be able to live, whats 1 or two parts gone, there are quads out there with the best lives ever. Its all on the outlook, who needs him
 
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bowsboss responded:
Hi Ereal46, You should thank the Lord you only invested 1 year, to paraphrase Marianne Williamson, in A Return To Love, if in a relationship that such a thing can happen it wasn't the one for you. and soon enough the right one will show up. Be strong,God Bless, Tim
 
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jess819 responded:
I'm sorry to hear of your medical problems! I thought that a lumpectomy removed just the bad bits, not the entire breast, so is your breast still intact? As far as your bf's reaction, what a jerk he was! Better, though, that you find out his true colors than make a future with him and find out after you're married or have a child with him that he's a class "A" jerk. I send you my blessings for a speedy recovery both in body and spirit.

All my best, Jess
 
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katyapple responded:
fortunately this has never happened to me. i just wanted to tell you that you are better off without him. he was not meant for you- if he was then he would not have broken up with you over something like this. look at it as a blessing... god has a better plan, and a better person out there for you. you keep your head held high.
 
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mike19651965 responded:
What a Jerk!!! He should love you and not just your breast. A a Nurse I see this all the time and the beauty is still there. He is just blind
 
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missedit responded:
Ladies, Ladies, Ladies!!!!!!!

Where is your compassion? We should all pray for this man to see the error of his ways so that when he comes back groveling.........

She can put her foot gently on his behind and press firmly, hopefully placing his nose in the gutter!! With luck it will be full of water and other assorted debris - oh I'm sorry, even that would be too good for him!!


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