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guildme posted:
I have some question and I am not sure who to ask. My mother has stage 4 Breast cancer and it has spread to her bones and other places in her body. But the newest one is the one that is growning into her wind pipes. She says that they will check it again in march and if it has not gone down or stoped growning they will start her on chemo or some kind of trial. She is currently getting a drip/IV every three weeks and a bone IV every 12 weeks. and now a shot in each cheek of her butt. What dose this mean. This is the 2nd time for her and the first time she survied but they gave her only 2-5 year this time. What am I looking at now as a daughter? I have so many questions and really no one to ask cause my mom and dad don't like to talk about it. I don't blame them. I just want to knw what is really goingon. can any one help me?
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rachael67 responded:
My heart broke when I read your post. I can only imagine the dreadful pain you are going through looking for answers. I sometimes think that this disease (and any very serious illness) affects those who love us every bit as much as it does the patient.

You need to be able to discuss what mom and you are both going through. Please check with her doctor/hospital to see if there are support groups you might join. Also, if she gives her permission, her physicians would be able to discuss her case with you. This way, neither she nor dad would have to wade through what is apparently too painful for them to discuss...You could talk directly with the docs.

Sadly, though you might learn all about the clinical issues of mom's illness, you most likely will not be able to do more than what you would do now ...Love her. Support her and her choices. Offer physical assistance like cooking and cleaning. Listen to her.

Whatever you do (even if you think she is not doing as you would do!), please don't argue her decisions. I promise you that there will most likely be times when you will disagree and be terrfiied that she is choosing a bad direction, BUT please remember that it is HER LIFE!! To engage her in arguments will only deplete what little energy she has, and will stress her emotionally beyond measure.

Your love will be the most effective medicine she will ever have! Please remember that!! Go with her to appointments if that is a help. Do shopping. Read to her. Play cards. Hold her hand. Just BE THERE! For her and for Dad...Remember that he, too, is lost and hurting!

If you need a place to vent the unfairness of this all, please come back here. We have soft shoulders and we care!

Also, feel free to return if there is anyway we might help. You and all your family will be in my thoughts.

Blessings.
Rachael
Just when the caterpillar thought her world was over, she became a butterfly! Don't give up five minutes before the miracle!!
 
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cancer47 responded:
Hi
Sorry to hear of your Mom's illness. Try talking to her without your father around she might feel like she does not want to discuss it when he is near. Maybe "girl talk" she might open up. Also tell her no matter what she say's you accept and your questions will help ease your mind and worries. If she talks about it she may even feel better, its hard for her to say the words I have cancer again. Starting with "please help me help you" she took care of you when you were young and now its time for you to help her.
Take care


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