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    Just need to vent,...bad day.
    jlamb26 posted:
    I had my fifth round of chemo last week and also fought a stomach virus that went around my whole family. This one really did a number on my physically and emotionally. I feel like I have nothing left to fight with and for the first time I'm angry at this cancer. I ended up at the hospital with severe dehydration but aside from the physical affects, I'm angry at what it is doing to my family. I have a 7-month old baby girl that has a mom this is MIA most of the time. I feel like I'm missing her infancy. My 4 year old little boy has to see his mommy suffer and be sick all the time. My husband reached his breaking point this round also. I feel so guilty for having this stress and chaos in our lives. Friends and family keep marveling over how "strong" I am but I need a break from being strong. They really don't want to hear that I'm not doing as well as they would like me to because I have always been the rock for everyone else. Thanks for letting me vent, it always helps.
    rachael67 responded:
    Some days are just CRAPPY!!
    I am so sorry that you are in the midst of a string of them! I don't think the fates would test us so if they didn't know we were already holding on by our finger nails... Once we get stronger we'll deal with them and their timing!!!

    All you are feeling and fearing and find frustrating is perfectly normal! There isn't one of us on this board who hasn't visited the "Land of Poop" from time to time. The best thing I can say is that eventually a ship arrives and escorts you to a little better location.

    Your poor dear hubby...He is trying his best to be strong as well...In fact, perhaps even stronger because he is THE MAN and that's his job! But no matter how hard he tries, even he can't find the solution.

    I'd bet dollars to donuts that he does not blame you in any way for the stress that is now a part of each day for all of you. If he blames anyone, I think he most likely blames himself! See, both of you are taking on the burden on this challenge and both of you are wrong!! Look at it this way: If eveything in your life were absolutely perfect; nothing ever went wrong, you were rolling in money, everything you ever wished became a reality...would you then TAKE CREDIT FOR THAT???????? Or might you instead consider yourself a very fortunate person?

    See! Neither you nor I nor any human is totally in control of all the good and the bad which comes into our lives...Most often it's a crap shoot! We do the best with what the fates hand out...sometimes laughing, sometimes crying, always hoping because we know in our hearts that there is not much we totally control...And therein lies the problem!

    I hope that given a few days for you to be a little stronger and feel a little better, and for your DH to see you doing better as well, that much of this sadness might be shelved and replaced with a little less painful perspective. If and when that happens, grab that darling man and hug each other...I find that pretty strong medicine!

    Then you will have at least two more lovely hugs left over for a little 7 month old and a 4 year old...Dispense freely and lovingly!! Those two will never remember the bad days when they have such good ones to share with their Mom!

    I will hold you and your family in my heart. Please let us know how you are doing. Glad you used this avenue to vent! It does us all good when life comes at us a little too hard! Feel free!!

    Just when the caterpillar thought her world was over, she became a butterfly! Don't give up five minutes before the miracle!!
    BeBrave responded:
    I wish I could give you a big hug. I was never a huggy person before I had breast cancer. I think hugs are the best thing in the world now. Isn't that silly? This is a good place to vent, but I hope you have some one, a friend maybe, that you can go to and let everything out, and cry, cry, cry.
    Keep coming back, and let us know how you are doing.
    Big Hug,
    cancer47 responded:
    Sorry to hear your having such a tough time. But you don't have to feel tough every minute of everyday. I can say that I had angry feelings about the same time as you it seems almost normal to have those feelings. I thought I was stressing everyone one out! Why was I taking on those feeling and putting them onto myself. I have finished treatment after 10 months there are days still that are tough. But I will tell you just a month ago my husband said the worst part of this cancer was having to watch me go it. Seeing me bald, feeling like crap and wanting to go back to my life before cancer was heartbreaking for him.
    I hope you don't have too many more treatments they are harder each time emotionally where friends or family may think it gets easier to get thru since you've done it before.

    Keep in touch with us it seems hollow to say but there is a light at the end of this dark tunnel.
    jlamb26 replied to cancer47's response:
    Thank you for all your encouraging words. I did take your advise and cried on a friend's shoulder last night. It felt so good to let everything out. Today is a new day and with faith and help of loved ones, this too shall pass:) I only have one more round of chemo left so light at the end of the tunnel, here I come!
    jlamb26 replied to rachael67's response:
    Thank you, your words are just what I needed!
    jlamb26 replied to BeBrave's response:
    Thank you, your words are just what I needed.

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