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BREAST CANCER
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IAMHOPE posted:
HELLO LADIES! I WAS READING INFORMATION ON WEBMD ABOUT SOME OF MY MEDS AND I CAME ACROSS THIS COMMINITY THAT I DIDN'T KNOW EXISTED. IF I DID I WOULD HAVE BEEN ON IT A LONG TIME AGO. I WAS DIAGNOSED WITH BREAST CANCER AUG 09. IT WAS VERY SCARY BUT WITH THE HELP OF MY DAUGHTER AND BOYFRIENDS SISTER, I DON'T THINK I WOULD HAVE MADE IT. I HAD MY SURGERY IN OCT OF 09 AND I WAS REASSURING MY MOTHER THAT I WAS FINE EVERYDAY. I WANTED TO GO HOME SO SHE COULD SEE FOR HERSELF THAT I WAS FINE BUT SHE FEEL ILL IN DEC. I FLEW TO VA. AND SHE DIED ON DEC. 22. THEN MY BOYFRIENDS MOTHER DIED ON DEC. 23. THAT WAS AN AWEFUL YEAR. MY DOCTORS WERE CALLING TO CHECK ON ME BECAUSE THEY WANTED ME BACK TO START MY CHEMO. TO MAKE A LONG STORY SHORT, ALL IS FINE WITH ME NOW BUT I AM VERY LONELY. MY DAUGHTER TRIES BUT THERE'S NOTHING LIKE TALKING TO SOMEONE ELSE WHO HAS BEEN THROUGH IT. MY BOYFRIEND TREATS ME LIKE I HAVE A DISEASE! HE WON'T COME NEAR ME! I HAVE TOLD HIM I AM STILL NORMAL EVEN THOUGH I HAVE HAD A DOUBLE MASTECTOMY. I REALLY NEED A FRIEND. I AM ON ANTI DEPRESSENTS AND IT SEEMS LIKE THEY ARE NOT HELPING. I DON'T WANT TO GO TO A THERAPIST BECAUSE I FEEL THEY WON'T FEEL MY PAIN. I AM ALSO DEALING WITH LYMPHEDEMA AND HOT FLASHES! TERRIBLE COMBO BECAUSE I WEAR COMPRESSION SLEEVES.
I HOPE THERE ARE SOME SISTERS OUT THERE THAT WILL BE A FRIEND TO ME. THANK YOU FOR LISTENING.
Reply
 
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rachael67 responded:
Hope, it is too late for me to respond at length tonight...I will do so tomorrow.

However, I did want to tell you that you have indeed come to a place where others will be reaching out to support you. This is a safe and assuring harbor. Please know that.

I will "talk" again tomorrow!

Blessings.
Rachael
Just when the caterpillar thought her world was over, she became a butterfly! Don't give up five minutes before the miracle!!
 
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rachael67 responded:
Here I am...a bit more awake than I was last night!

I am so glad that you have found this community, and now will have a place to come for support and advice...hands to hold and shoulders to cry on!

You have had several very sad losses in your life...and all so very close together. You barely had a chance to catch your breath with one than the next one came along! I am glad that you were able to be in Virginia when your Mom died...You may not have had much time prior to her passing, but being there beside her then must have been very important to both of you!

And I am so glad to hear that health-wise things seem to be going well for you! YES!!!

Not having someone who understands the particulars of your stuggle can make you feel isolated...and that's where we can come in, I hope! HOWEVER...Dear Friend, please appreciate that at least your daughter "tries"...Many of us would give just about anything to have a child who cared!

As for "Sir Boyfriend"...Well, on old member (Simone, by name) used to wield a mean bat, and I think she'd really like to have a go at him!! If I am correct, you two have been in a relationshiop since 2009 which means you have been through many ups and downs, right? He knew what your disease was and what had to be done so that you could be on the road to good health again, right? So, what gives with this reaction? Is it new? Has he always been afraid of illness? Is it the physical that he now finds impossible to get beyond? Was it only the physical that interested him to begin with? How would he expectyou to react were he suddenly sticken and the illness had a physical manifestation which you found unacceptable in him?

Too many questions...most which you (and maybe HE) do not have answers to! Might I suggest that together you and he see a counselor? If you have a arbitrator or referee to help direct the issues and get them out into the open, perhaps this will guide you both to a better realtionship? (I know you say you don't want to see a therapist, but given the possibilty that you go together, that pain may be helped, right? If, however, it can't be helped because there is nothing left to rebuild in the relationship, I would then question if the realtionship is worthy of you continuing it?)

Regarding your physical discomfort, please discuss it with your doctors...Often times they can give you suggestions to help. But they don't do anything unless you make them aware of the problem. Also, I hope some of the members might chime in here with ideas!

For the emotional, I would not want to rely soley on medication. Despite the fact that a therapist may not be able to "fix" all that is breaking your heart, you need to have someone to talk things over with. Keeping them locked inside your soul will only result in a slow and painful festering! Not the best of situations! Please, do seek some professional help. They may not be able to work miracles, but think of how nice it would be to awaken one morning and not only see the sun, but feel it in your heart as well! That, Dear Hope, is my wish for you!!

Blessings.
Rachael
Just when the caterpillar thought her world was over, she became a butterfly! Don't give up five minutes before the miracle!!
 
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JLAMB26 responded:
We are here for you! This group is has been a life line to me since my family and friends looks to me as the strong one who takes care of everyone else and are uncomfortable hearing that I may not be doing well every day emotionally with this journey. We can vent, get information and receive lots of love and support. Good luck to you, prayers and happy thoughts your way today:)
Jennifer
 
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softballcoach2011 responded:
Hope,
I just saw your post and wanted to send you a big hug and tell you that you have came to the right place for friends and support.
I don't think that our husbands or significant others really can understand all the emotional turmoil we go through when dealing with BC, it takes someone that has "been there" to really understand.
I too have lymphedema and it has been a real struggle for me over the past several yrs. I am fortunate to have found a very good and understanding therapist, but I still deal with the pain and swelling every day. I wish I had a simple answer but there is none. Just know that we are here to listen and support you.
Big Hugs,
Sandye
 
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IAMHOPE replied to rachael67's response:
THANK YOU DARLING FOR RESPONDING! I HAVE BEEN CHECKING MY E-MAIL EVERYDAY. I AM SO HAPPY. LOOK FORWARD TO HEARING FROM YOU.
 
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IAMHOPE replied to rachael67's response:
It was nice to hear from you. Just finished reading your reply and it was helpful however I had suggesed that we see a therapist and that is out of the question. He doesn't like to discuss personal relationships with strangers! He is really stubborn and hard headed. I stopped trying to get him to do anything with me because it is a struggle.
I truely believe that I will be leaving him as soon as get financialy situated. The process is in the making. I know that once I get out of this situation, things will be a lot better for me emotionally. Then I won't need the anti-depressants an more.
He has Gout and when it flares up, he is stricken to bed. At first I would wait on him hand and foot. Lately, when it flares, I get too busy to do anything for him. I actually leave the house for a couple of hours. I have a lot of resentment for him because he was never there for me when I was going through chemo. He worked right down the street from where I was and never came by to sit with me not once. I even asked him to come for 15 minutes and said the other people had friends and family sit with them for a while. He said he doesn't like hospitals. I said who does! When we first met, he was a kind and caring person. It was wonderful to be with him. We went out a lot every weekend. Now all he wants to do is work and sleep. I came to the conclusion that he is the one depressed because that is all a person does when they are depressed.
I feel a lot better knowing that he is one with the problem, not me. My mental state is better knowing that I won't let him guide the way I feel. I hace to look after me for a change. I was married for 20 years before and I wantaed nothing less than to make my husband happy during that time. I am now divorced and have been with this nut for over 12 years. He is not the same person.
Between my wonderful daughter and my loving dog, Jazzy, who stuck by my side through all my down days with chemo, I WILLl be a better person. My dog can sense when I'm down and will sit in my lap or sleep on my stomach and never leave my side.
I feel so much better knowing that someone would reach out to a stranger and let them know they care. You couldn't imagine how my hearat burst with happiness. Please be there for me as I will be there for you. Talk to you soon,Sister.
Sincerely,
IAMHOPE
 
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IAMHOPE replied to JLAMB26's response:
Thank you for replying to my post. I really know who you feel when the family looks up to you for being straong. I am next to the baby in the family and they come to me with their problems. This is my life line also. You are so right. You can vent all you want because someone out there really knows how you feel and understands. Thank you for being there for me as I will be there for you <:>
IAMHOPE
 
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IAMHOPE replied to softballcoach2011's response:
Thank you for your reply. It is a wonderful feeling to know that people out there feel the same way. Someone who understands. I really don't think about him that much anymore because it would only bring me down. I believe that you and I have a lot in common already dealing with lymphedema. My hands and arms were aweful. I didn't have any pain but the swelling was huge. I went to therapy twice and it helped a lot.
In addition to the lymphedema, I also now retaing the water! Between the chemo and the retained water, I have gained 40 lbs!
Reading info on WebMd, that is a lot of weight. I am now and have been exercising lately. But with the lymphedema, I can't lift anything over 5 lbs. Things will be a lot better for us because we both understand.
How is your lymphedema doing? What exercises did your therapist recommend for you? Between what your therapist and my therapist says, maybe we can get this under control (. Lots of hugs and support to you. Thank you for listening and I will offer my support to you.
IAMHOPE
 
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kayjoedwards replied to IAMHOPE's response:
Hope,
I was reading about your lymphedema and wanted to offer a potential resource. I have been attending an exercise class at the cancer center called "Healthy Steps". It is specifically designed to help with lymphedema. You can find more info about it and see if there is a class in your area. http://www.gohealthysteps.com/

I have a great time in the class and it's wonderful to be able to talk to other women who have been/are going thru the same things that I did.

Stay positive!
kayjo
 
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0910faith replied to IAMHOPE's response:
Hope,
I read your story. I am so sorry you have had so many
problems. You are in my thoughts and prayers. I hope
you get the snswers to help you with the lymphedema.
I know how much pain you must be in. Dont' give up.
I know from having swelling that it can be painful.
I wish you had more support from the one you love.
Keep your chin up.
hugs
faith
 
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jenna291 replied to 0910faith's response:
Hi Hope,
Wow, you have been thru so much loss, and having to remain strong thru it all to get past this miserable disease.
This forum is a great life line to know you are not alone....
I will hold you in my thoughts and prayers that you have relief from the lymphedema. I did not develop it, but was told to exercise that arm as much as possible (I had 14 lymph nodes removed) It felt heavy a lot and I ended up with a frozen shoulder from not exercisng enough, but physical therapy helped a lot. Also, be sure to cover up when you are out at night, because bug bites are bad for that arm.
Look forward to a positive update from you.
~Jenna
 
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Lindaquilt responded:
Hope I just came across your post tonight you came to the right place my friend I am a newby to this site and the gals on this site and just awsome, they are helping me get through the journey. Sign on often and just talk we are here for you gal. Hugs and love to you Hope.
 
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brcansur replied to IAMHOPE's response:
IAMHOPE
I just read your posts and from what I see you would be better off on your own because that is what you are doing any way you are doing things a lone day to day. If your boyfriend is not there to help and comfort you during your hard times and he is not there for you now do you really need him. If you wait till you have the money or wait till you have this or wait till you have that it will never happen. I know I have been there and I stayed 14 years because I had too do this and had to do that. We are stronger then that and we need to do it for our health. Because being stressed, depressed and just plan not happy is not going to make us fight to get better. We women see ourself weaker then we really are a lot of the time we need to stop and really look at our self in the mirror because we are the back bone to the family the strong ones to hold it all together. Think about it.
1. we cook the meals
2. we clean the house
3. we wash the clothes
4. we take care of children if there are children
5. we are the ones keeping track of any and all appointments for doctors, dentist, ect
6. Holidays who gets the gifts women of the house
who makes the meals and the cookies us
7. how do the sheets on the bed get change not the sheet fairy us
8. who runs all the errands to keep the house going and pays the bills us.
Well I think you get my point women are very strong we do a lot but do not credit ourselfs for it. So stay strong because you already are strong and get up dust yourself off and fight back get him out and get happyness in your life and keep cancer out at the same time. I wish you the best angel hugs Roberta
Roberta
 
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IAMHOPE responded:
Hello ladies I am back. 'sorry I haven't benn here. Work had me going. Just finished working 22 straight days and my boss is highly upset that I didn't finish the month out because we are short handed. Thats another problem that I am having. Do I just attract trouble? Had to go see the big boss today to get my supervisor straight. I will be so happy when I leave that job.
As for my health, its good so far. Just tired as poop and I need some rest( take that back I need a Lot of rest) soon.
Will write more later. Going to bed. Take care and God Bless!


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