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    38 year old single mom of toddlers with breast cancer
    kateSimsek posted:
    I am not sure why I am posting this, but maybe someone has an idea that I haven't thought of. I have stage 3 invasive ductal carcinoma and have to have a bilateral mastectomy. I live in a town 3 hours from my nearest (and honestly only) family. I am debating going to Cincinnati to have surgery instead of Fort Wayne, but I really don't want to. My 3 yr. Old has just started preschool and she loves it. She also needs normality or she does not sleep. My 1 yr. Old has just started walking, and would be okay anywhere. I have posted for a night nanny, but can't afford much as I will still be paying for daycare (my girls love their home daycare so I refuse totake them out if we are here). I have an amazing friend who is going to organize a meal train, which I had never heard about before. Can anyone think of any avenues I could look to for night help for my girls? I just want to be in the comfort of my own home and keep my3 yr. Olds life as normal as possible.
    cancer47 responded:
    I think it's wonderful that you want to keep your kids days as normal as possible but I have to say that YOU are the one who needs the TLC. Your kids are at a young age where they won't say to you in five years I changed my life so you could get treatment so that you could live a longer healther life with us. I know it's hard but ask family to step up and into your life at your own home. Someone may be waiting for you to ask "can you do this for ME". Love and prayers as you take this journey that no one wants to go on but, we have to. Prayers for you and your family.
    judyfams replied to cancer47's response:
    I think that you need to have your children with you during this time. You will heal better and faster if you can be with your children. You will worry about them if you are separated from them. So you need to organize a family tag team to come to your house.
    See if family members can take turns staying at your house for a few days at a time. They can take turns since you will probably only need someone to be with you for a week or 10 days after the mastectomy.
    If that isn't possible, call the American Cancer Society and see if they have volunteers who can help for a few days.
    Also ask to speak to the social worker at the hospital and she may be able to help out too.
    You also might want to speak to your pastor as well.
    Possibly if you coordinate the family help with the ACS help, the social worker's help and your pastor- you may just end up with enough people so each only has to stay over one night!
    I am sorry that you have to go through all this at this time.and know that you fell overwhelmed and are understandbly very upset.
    Please take time to do some deep breathing to try to calm yourself, as it is important that you try to conserve your energy.
    In wish you luck in working out the logistics of your surgery. Please stay with us and let us know what you decided to do.
    Rachael67 responded:
    You've been given good suggestions. Please know it's okay to put yourself first at times! As women we tend to hesitate to even appear selfish, but you need to do that now!

    Know you will be in our thoughts, and please let us know how you are doing.

    Just when the caterpillar thought her world was over, she became a butterfly!
    Don't give up five minutes before the miracle!!
    JLAMB26 responded:
    My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family. I was in the same position as you one year ago. I was starting chemo and I had a four year old and a newborn with the closest family over an hour away. A friend organized a "Care Calendar" for me where people could sign up for any help I needed such as meals, help with the kids, running errands, driving me to treatments and helping with housework. During the evenings that I knew chemo would hit me really hard, I always had "another mom" as my son put it to help out. It helped that someone else was doing the "asking" as I am one that would never ask myself (too stubborn I guess). I was so touched and surprised at the response from my friends, neighbors and co-workers. The friend who organized the calendar said she got so many offers because it made people feel good to help. Don't turn the assistance away, it will make your journey so much easier! Don't be afraid to ask your family for help also. My brother or my sister-in-lay made the one hour drive to help out at least once a week without hesitation and it was so nice having stability for my kids with them around. I also found that my kids were the best medicine and I'm sure you will too. Remember this is a short blip in your life and your kids will barely remember it:)
    cancer47 replied to judyfams's response:

    That was some very good suggestions. Being at home and your own house make you feel so much better. And even though those kids might drive you crazy there's a wonderful feeling getting a good night kiss from them when YOU really need it. I'm sorry I don't live close to you i'd help you out myself:))

    Let us know when your surgery is and know that all the prayers will help you a this difficult time.

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