Advice for Mom
Melissa06512 posted:
Hello everyone. I'm seeking advice on how I can help my mother. She has been diagnosed with breast cancer for the second time after 18 years. She had a lumpectemy, chemo and radiation the first time she was diagnosed. They think they caught it early this time but she needs to have surgery. She's scheduled for a double mastectamy and reconstruction using the Tram Flap method tomorrow. I am very worried about her and was hoping to get some advice on how I can help or if there are any tips for her recovery from someone that has experienced it. I'm 8 months pregnant with a toddler at home and a full time job so I just feel awful about not being there for her as much as I want to. I appreciate any feedback and I wish you all the best.
7 Replies |Watch This Discussion | Report This| Share this:Advice for MomHello everyone. I'm seeking advice on how I can help my mother. She has been diagnosed with breast cancer for the second time after 18 years. She had a lumpectemy, chemo and radiation the first time she was diagnosed. They think they caught it early this time but she needs to have surgery. She's scheduled for a double mastectamy and reconstruction using the Tram Flap method tomorrow. I am very worried about her and was hoping to get some advice on how I can help or if there are any tips for her recovery from someone that has experienced it. I'm 8 months pregnant with a toddler at home and a full time job so I just feel awful about not being there for her as much as I want to. I appreciate any feedback and I wish you all the best.
Angel042377 responded:
The first thing that I want to say is that I hope your mother continues to be a survivor and everything works out for her. I am sad to say that I am in the same boat that you are in. I just found out today that my mother has breast cancer and I think that she is taking it better than me. I also feel bad that I can not be there for my mother because we live in different states. She lives in Philadelphia and I live in Florida. When I heard the news today all I could do was cry. The one thing that I know is that I am going to pray for my mom and ask that everything works out for her and I am also going to tell you that your mother is a strong women. She knows how to beat this and she will come out on top. Keep in mind that medical science has improved from 18 years ago and people are surviving things that they would not have survived before. I will say a special pray for your mother tonight and I will ask that everything works out with your mom.
Report This| Share this:Advice for MomThe first thing that I want to say is that I hope your mother continues to be a survivor and everything works out for her. I am sad to say that I am in the same boat that you are in. I just found out today that my mother has breast cancer and I think that she is taking it better than me. I also feel bad that I can not be there for my mother because we live in different states. She lives in Philadelphia and I live in Florida. When I heard the news today all I could do was cry. The one thing that I know is that I am going to pray for my mom and ask that everything works out for her and I am also going to tell you that your mother is a strong women. She knows how to beat this and she will come out on top. Keep in mind that medical science has improved from 18 years ago and people are surviving things that they would not have survived before. I will say a special pray for your mother tonight and I will ask that everything works out with your mom.
Rachael67 responded:
Melissa, you are pregnant, have a toddler and are helping tend to your Mom? Gal, can you hear the members applauding??? Just knowing you care so much is probably one of the best meds she could have!
One thing, speaking as a mother, that would add to the difficulity of my healing would be having to be concerned about my daughter and her health, etc. Please know that this might cross her mind if she sees you doing so much that you become stressed, etc.
I'm sure that folks will chime in here with all sorts of good suggestions such as going with her to as many appointments as you can and inviting her to dinner or bringing over foods she could pop in the micro, etc. But don't try to do them all!! Sometimes you can enlist the help of others who care. Or you take short-cuts like sending a tape recorder with her to the doctors and you and she can review what was said later. How about purchasing some simple micro food instead of making them? See, you can do things without overdoing or not being there for your family.
Check out the "Tips" on the side to see if there are any suggestions there that you'd not thought of.
Mainly, just be there to listen and to offer support. Love makes a difficult journey so much less stressful.
You both will be in my thoughts especially tomorrow!! Please keep us posted.
Blessings.
Rachael
One thing, speaking as a mother, that would add to the difficulity of my healing would be having to be concerned about my daughter and her health, etc. Please know that this might cross her mind if she sees you doing so much that you become stressed, etc.
I'm sure that folks will chime in here with all sorts of good suggestions such as going with her to as many appointments as you can and inviting her to dinner or bringing over foods she could pop in the micro, etc. But don't try to do them all!! Sometimes you can enlist the help of others who care. Or you take short-cuts like sending a tape recorder with her to the doctors and you and she can review what was said later. How about purchasing some simple micro food instead of making them? See, you can do things without overdoing or not being there for your family.
Check out the "Tips" on the side to see if there are any suggestions there that you'd not thought of.
Mainly, just be there to listen and to offer support. Love makes a difficult journey so much less stressful.
You both will be in my thoughts especially tomorrow!! Please keep us posted.
Blessings.
Rachael
A bird doesn't sing because it has an answer; it sings because it has a song.
Maya Angelou
Maya Angelou
Report This| Share this:Advice for MomMelissa, you are pregnant, have a toddler and are helping tend to your Mom? Gal, can you hear the members applauding??? Just knowing you care so much is probably one of the best meds she could have!<br /> <br />One thing, speaking as a mother, that would add to the difficulity of my healing would be having to be concerned about my daughter and her health, etc. Please know that this might cross her mind if she sees you doing so much that you become stressed, etc.<br /> <br />I'm sure that folks will chime in here with all sorts of good suggestions such as going with her to as many appointments as you can and inviting her to dinner or bringing over foods she could pop in the micro, etc. But <b><i>don't try to do them all</i></b>!! Sometimes you can enlist the help of others who care. Or you take short-cuts like sending a tape recorder with her to the doctors and you and she can review what was said later. How about purchasing some simple micro food instead of making them? See, you can do things without overdoing or not being there for your family. <br /> <br />Check out the "Tips" on the side to see if there are any suggestions there that you'd not thought of.<br /> <br />Mainly, just be there to listen and to offer support. Love makes a difficult journey so much less stressful.<br /> <br />You both will be in my thoughts especially tomorrow!! Please keep us posted.<br /> <br />Blessings.<br />Rachael
GGrandmaJan responded:
Melissa, so sorry to hear the news about your mother. One of the best things to do is just listen to your Mom. I know at this time she is very stressed and a whole lot is going on in her mind. So just let her talk it out. That is the best support of all.
Rachael is so right about the tape recorder. I would take mine to every appt even tho my daughter and husband was there also. I have never ran into a Dr that didn't let you record what they are saying. It is priceless!!!
I would type out all my questions on the computer---double space them and write the answers in the open space. My handwritting is so bad I can't even read it at times. That would be a big help to your Mom if you have a computer or time. If you don't live close ask her by phone what questions she has.
You are a wonderful daughter to care so much for Mom. But you must not stress yourself out. If you get sick from the worry then you can't help her. So make sure to take care of you.
Sending good thoughts and loads of prayers.
Jan
Rachael is so right about the tape recorder. I would take mine to every appt even tho my daughter and husband was there also. I have never ran into a Dr that didn't let you record what they are saying. It is priceless!!!
I would type out all my questions on the computer---double space them and write the answers in the open space. My handwritting is so bad I can't even read it at times. That would be a big help to your Mom if you have a computer or time. If you don't live close ask her by phone what questions she has.
You are a wonderful daughter to care so much for Mom. But you must not stress yourself out. If you get sick from the worry then you can't help her. So make sure to take care of you.
Sending good thoughts and loads of prayers.
Jan
Report This| Share this:Advice for MomMelissa, so sorry to hear the news about your mother. One of the best things to do is just listen to your Mom. I know at this time she is very stressed and a whole lot is going on in her mind. So just let her talk it out. That is the best support of all. <br /> <br /> Rachael is so right about the tape recorder. I would take mine to every appt even tho my daughter and husband was there also. I have never ran into a Dr that didn't let you record what they are saying. It is priceless!!! <br /> <br />I would type out all my questions on the computer---double space them and write the answers in the open space. My handwritting is so bad I can't even read it at times. That would be a big help to your Mom if you have a computer or time. If you don't live close ask her by phone what questions she has. <br /> <br />You are a wonderful daughter to care so much for Mom. But you must not stress yourself out. If you get sick from the worry then you can't help her. So make sure to take care of you.<br /> <br />Sending good thoughts and loads of prayers.<br />Jan
Rachael67 replied to Angel042377's response:
Angel, I am so sorry to hear the news of your Mom...Please know that she is in my thoughts. Distances is definitely an enemy when one you love is in need. I know you will do all you can to keep in touch and thus shorten the miles somewhat!
Blessings.
Rachael
Blessings.
Rachael
A bird doesn't sing because it has an answer; it sings because it has a song.
Maya Angelou
Maya Angelou
Report This| Share this:Advice for MomAngel, I am so sorry to hear the news of your Mom...Please know that she is in my thoughts. Distances is definitely an enemy when one you love is in need. I know you will do all you can to keep in touch and thus shorten the miles somewhat!<br /> <br />Blessings.<br />Rachael
Hello Melissa, I am so sorry that your family has to deal with this. After 18 years! One thing to remember is to take care of YOU thru all this, especially being pregnant.
I agree with the others - listen, maybe cook a bit extra when you are making a meal. I hope there are other family members or close friends around who can pitch in too as you clearly have your hands full!
Does she have to do chemo again?
Please come back and tell us how the surgery went. In the meantime, she and your whole family are in my prayers.
~ Jenna
I agree with the others - listen, maybe cook a bit extra when you are making a meal. I hope there are other family members or close friends around who can pitch in too as you clearly have your hands full!
Does she have to do chemo again?
Please come back and tell us how the surgery went. In the meantime, she and your whole family are in my prayers.
~ Jenna
Report This| Share this:Advice for MomHello Melissa, I am so sorry that your family has to deal with this. After 18 years! One thing to remember is to take care of YOU thru all this, especially being pregnant. <br />I agree with the others - listen, maybe cook a bit extra when you are making a meal. I hope there are other family members or close friends around who can pitch in too as you clearly have your hands full!<br />Does she have to do chemo again?<br />Please come back and tell us how the surgery went. In the meantime, she and your whole family are in my prayers.<br />~ Jenna
Melissa06512 replied to Jenna291's response:
Thanks for all your responses, they were very helpful. My mom's surgery went well and she's home from the hospital. The surgery was 10 hours long and the recovery is going to be very difficult. Its amazing how strong she is. She has a great support system to rely on so I feel comfortable having friends and family pitch in when I can't. The saddest part is seeing her in pain, physically and emotionally, from what she's going through. We are waiting for the pathology report and meeting with her oncologist to see what the next step is. Hopefully she won't have to have chemo.
Angel, I'm sorry to hear about your mother and I'll be praying for her as well.
Angel, I'm sorry to hear about your mother and I'll be praying for her as well.
Report This| Share this:Advice for MomThanks for all your responses, they were very helpful. My mom's surgery went well and she's home from the hospital. The surgery was 10 hours long and the recovery is going to be very difficult. Its amazing how strong she is. She has a great support system to rely on so I feel comfortable having friends and family pitch in when I can't. The saddest part is seeing her in pain, physically and emotionally, from what she's going through. We are waiting for the pathology report and meeting with her oncologist to see what the next step is. Hopefully she won't have to have chemo. <br />Angel, I'm sorry to hear about your mother and I'll be praying for her as well.
Jenna291 replied to Melissa06512's response:
Melissa,
We will be praying for your mom to get thru this as quickly and with the least amount of discomfort as possible.
I will look for your update.
hugs,
Jenna
We will be praying for your mom to get thru this as quickly and with the least amount of discomfort as possible.
I will look for your update.
hugs,
Jenna
Report This| Share this:Advice for MomMelissa,<br />We will be praying for your mom to get thru this as quickly and with the least amount of discomfort as possible.<br /> <br />I will look for your update.<br /> <br />hugs,<br />Jenna
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