Breast Cancer Community

Understanding why some folks do things that we would not do or don't do what we would do, is one of life's greatest mysteries! We ramble thru a mountain of emotions when that happens: Anger, pain, disappointment, depression...Sometimes the list seems endless. All we know is that we feel very alone and need someone to tell us they care! Something, were the roles reversed, we'd have done from day one!

I totally appreciate how you feel. In fact, even before cancer entered my life, I knew those feelings. Why in high school did I go out of my way for someone and then they disappeared from my life? Why when I was dating did some fella totally ignore my unique beauty and personality? (I kinda built me up a bit there!! ) On and on...And with each rejection, I questioned not only the person's acts but my value! Didn't help matters one iota!

Then several years ago I came across an explanation: Simply put it stated that people come into our lives for: A Reason...A Season...A Lifetime

In other words, maybe that friend I had who was deeply depressed and needed me for support and a shoulder to cry on, no longer had such a reason for me once she overcame the depression? That did not, however, mean that the relationship we had during that time was not genuine or real...It merely was one which was limited time-wise.

And that individual I knew who lived down the block and with whom I shared so much of our children's years, but had drifed away from now had only been there during a season of life when we were young moms. Now that we were older, we no longer shared much. This did not mean our friendship was less because one day it would change. It merely meant we had been together for a certain season of our lives.

But there are also the soul-mates...those who share our good times and our bad; whom we need and are always there; who call us in the wee hours when only a true friend would pick up the phone...These treasures are there for a lifetime! They are rare and most valuable, and without them our lives would be so much less.

Now, you also mention that this gal already had gone thru the death of her mother from breast cancer... This might be the major reason you've not heard from her. She might be in self-protection mode, fearing that she would not be able to endure another such loss.

What had your relationship been with her prior to your diagnosis? Did you keep in touch? Does she even know of your diagnosis? And, of course, there is sadly always the possiblity that she is a rather cold and distant person. Have you reached out to her during this time?

You cannot do much to alter who she is or her reactions. The only one you have control over is you. Now, you most likely will never be able to not think about the loss of this step-daughter's concern, but you can choose to put the spotlight on just the type of person YOU wish to be...To live your life as you envision a good life to be lived...To continue to keep company with those who are now an important part of your life.

If at some future date your step daughter decides to once again be a part of your life, then that is the cherry on top! ...Until then, live your life as fully and completely and happily as possible.

You will be in my thoughts.

Rachael

One reason why she has probably not contacted you is because this might be a hard subject for her to deal with. Some people choose to block out hurtful things. She loves you and she is worried about you she is just scared that she might lose another love one. Just focus on getting yourself better and she will come around.

It's possible she hasn't contacted you because she is afraid. I had friends who disappeared when they heard of my diagnosis, and then magically reappeared when I came thru chemo. Thankfully most people are not like that!
I can't imagine ignoring someone who is in this situation as this is a time for support, but because she lost her mother to this disease, it could be that she just can't cope.
Maybe you could reach out to her and sit down and talk it out.
What type of treatment plan are you on?
I am sending many positive wishes your way ~
Jenna