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    Is this going to kill my wife
    DWM49 posted:
    My wife was dignosed 2 days ago with what appears to be either stage 2 or stage 3 breast cancer. What we do know is that i month ago during a routine exam th edoctors found what theytold her was nothing more than a fiberous cyst on her breast. One month later she found that her lymph nod under her right arm was sore and swollen. We went to our emergency room to have it checked because our regualr doctor could not see us immediately and the doctors at emerged put her through a battery of tests including a biopsy. The ER doctor on duty told us he would have it sent immediately for testing and we should know by three days later. Well we now know, and our worst fears have come true. Her granmother died from this and as you can imagine she is now teriified and frankly so am i. She is only 45 and we have 3 beautiful boys, 15, 13, & 11. I was wondering if anyone else had a similar experience or if they know how something that presented last month as fibre could now be cancerous and spread so quickly. I love my wife dearly - she is everything to me and i cant imagine her dying but that seems to be all that is going through my mind. I need help - what do I do.
    lukeperry responded:
    Hi DWM,
    Your wife isn't going to die, if she's anything like me. I found a lump in my breast, and went to see my gyno, He told me that is was probably nothing but a cyst. I went to a surgeon the next day, where he did a biopsy in his office. I had stage 3 breast cancer. It took them 3days to get my results back also.

    Right now, your still in shock from hearing the words,"breast cancer." That's what happened to me, then your next feelings will be to fight! She will want to fight and with God by her side, she will be able to do anything.

    The 1st thing for you to do is find a good breast cancer surgeon. At his office your wife will decide on her treatment, and the surgeon will tell you the name of a oncologist and plastic surgeon. Try to find all the doctors in one group. Where they work together and stay in communication with each other. The surgeon will give you books, and give you options. You have at least 2wks. to find the doctor that you like. That's what it said in my book. It said that it might seem like you have to run out and make instant decisions. You don't, you have a couple of weeks.

    I had to have chemotherapy 1st, to shrink the tumor. So when he does the surgery, it will be very small. Then I had to have a mastectomy and radiation. I am cancer free right now! Everybody's cancer is different and so the treatments will be different. You have to wait until you go see you surgeon, then he can tell you what kind she has, and what the best treatment is for her.

    Try to calm down and breath, she's going to be fine. They find new cancer treatment's almost on a monthly basis. God bless you both. Your job will be to just be there for her. To constantly reassure her, and let her cry when she feels like it. My husband was my rock, and he's the reason I was able to go through everything, without falling apart.

    Write us back when ever you feel like talking. Take a list of the questions that your going to want to ask the surgeon. I did, because I knew that as soon as I got there, I'd forget them all, and I did.
    mark918 responded:
    Hey DWM,
    Even though it is not an easy thing to do, have faith. My wife had gotten her mammogram in June of last year and the thought they something. They sent her for an ultrasound and a compression mammogram and told the results were negative. This was in July. A few months later she noticed changes in her breast and told her PCP. She was set up with a surgeon and he did a punch biopsy and then sent her to have two other types of biopsies. On October 13, 2011 she got the call from the doctor that she had inflammatory breast cancer that had spread to some of her lymph nodes under her arm pit. She was dx's Stage III B. It floored us. That was the last thing we thought would happen. She had all the testing she was supposed to have all these years and now she(we) are facing a horrible disease and a form of it we had never heard of. She has now finished up her first set of chemo and has had surgery. They removed here right breast and 27 lymph nodes and we are preparing for possibly more chemo, radiation and if she chooses reconstruction. We have faced some very rough times and it is certainly not an easy thing to go through but together you both should and will be able to get thriough it.

    Just know there are people out there that care an this community is one of them. They have helped get me and my wife thru some rough spots and know that you and your wife will be in our thoughts and prayers.
    rachael67 responded:
    I am so sorry that you have had to join this community, but glad that you found us...Here, as you can already see, you will have support and caring folks who, having been there/done that, can share their experiences with you. The not-knowing is brutal...Trying to get a medical education in a few weeks or months is a frightening challenge at best. But, as one of our members always reminds us: It is doable!!

    I can appreciate how frightening it must be given her family history. I am assuming that her grandmother died a while back? If so, please be aware that much has changed, and we have many more options than she might have had.

    Your boys are undoubtedly aware of something frightening happening whether you have told them or not. If you are trying to shield them, it might be a wiser path to be open without terrfiying or confusing them with all the details. They will appreciate being trusted to be a part of the team, and will be less afraid if they feel nothing is being hidden from them; that you will be honest.

    Please come here whenever you feel we might help. We are open 24/7 just for one another...We all come here at times to cry or to vent or ask questions or, odd as it might seem, to share a laugh!! Know you and your lovely lady are always welcome.


    PS..Mark I am so glad you chimed in!! You can empathize better than most of us!
    A bird doesn't sing because it has an answer; it sings because it has a song.
    Maya Angelou
    jenna291 replied to rachael67's response:
    Hello and sorry you have to join us but this is a great place for info. I had a routine doc visit and mammogram and 3 months later felt a lump which never showed on a mammogram and was not picked up by my doctor. It turned out to be Stage II invasive ductal carcinoma. I had chemo to reduce the tumor, then a lumpectomy followed by radiation.

    I know it is super scary, and waiting for test results is the worst, but she will get thru this.

    Please come back and let us know what her treatment plan will be. Incidentally, I am 5 years out from treatment this August.

    Have faith and hope and what she needs now is support.

    best to you and your family ~
    mark918 replied to rachael67's response:
    That is why I did. I know how tough this has been on me, not that it is over for us or that it has gotten easier. I want DWM to know that there are people here that have been through this and are willing to give any help possible. Also, being a male myself, I know what he is going through. So DWM, if you have any questions I will try to help you out and I know that everyone here will be there for you and your wife with thoughts and prayers.
    brcansur responded:
    Hello and welcome I am sorry that you and your wife are going through this but glad that you found us and this board. I know right now you are both confused, angry, scared a lot of different feelings and thoughts are going through your heads. But please know that we are here 24/7 to help in any way we can to chat with, or just listen, to let you vent when needed or cry if needed. But know that we are here for you and your wife.
    I too was like your wife I had my mammo and all was fine I did my self exams every time I took my shower every time no if ands or buts about it. Then one day ( Feb 8 2008 ) a few months after my normal mammo I found a lump under my right breast. I called my doctor and got in that day for another mammo they could see the lump and feel the lump but it didn't show up on the mammo because of where it was. So I had an ultrasound done it got some of it but not the whole thing but it also found another lump we didn't feel or see before. So off I was for an MRI of both breast and that confirm I needed a biopsy( Feb 11 2008 ) 2 days later I was dx with breast cancer ( Feb 13 2008 ) . Then I told the doctors that I wanted both breast removed even though it was only inmy right breast and I wanted like now. So 4 weeks later I had surgery and in may I started chemo and finished in Aug this was in 2008. My tumors tripled in size from the day of my MRI to the day of surgery so the grew fast but as you can see I am doing fine I am cancer free right now and it is a little over 4 years. So it is very doable and it doesn't mean she is going to die it just means she is goign to have to put on those fighting gloves and fight. But what women doesn't win a fight We always win right ?!!! You will both be in my thoughts and prayers sending angel hugs Roberta,

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