Breast Cancer Community

AWE, Haylen, that is a tough one. Yes, it's inevitalbe but maybe, she can get a pic of a movie star the kids know and love that have no hair. Show them a pic that not everyone has hair all the time. You know like we post Brad and George on here for our support.

Or have her get a buzz cut and if one of her kids is a boy get his done with a crew cut. Explain to him or her that it will grow back just like their's does. Only her's will take time. Maybe have her put a scarf on (after having it cut) and dress up like a pirate. Remember when your little one had to have an eye patch?? You made her out like a pirate to take the sting out of her having to wear a patch.

She needs to find the humor in all of this. She needs to make it fun she is losing her hair and not a sad thing. Altho we all know how very sad all of this it. A sense of humor will take her far. I am so sorry she is dealing with all of this. Just not Fair.

Take care my friend. This is all the pits for her and for you her best friend. Sending loads of prayers to both of you.
Fondly
Jan

Jan,

Thank you so much for taking the time to address this question! Such great suggestions!

I'm going to email her your response right now. Her 7 year old sits next to my daughter in 2nd grade. I think he would look adorable with a buzz cut!!!

H

The only thing I heard of that will work is something called cold caps and that has to be done right from the beginning - but your friend is passed that.
Yes losing your hair is traumatic, but it does happen and the hair does eventually grow back.
I got a wig and had my hair styled like the wig before I lost my hair. So then when my hair fell out and I started wearing the wig my grandchildren never knew it was a wig. They had become accustomed to my new "hairdo" long before I actually lost my hair. I always wore the wig when they were around.
It sounds like your friend has to reconcile HER hair loss before she can deal with her children's reaction. She needs to speak to someone about dealing with her emotions.
Then she might be able to follow the advice Jan gave. Your friend has to come to terms with what is happenning at this point.
Sorry she has to be going through this. It is a difficult situation and I hope she learns to deal with all of this.
Good luck,
Judy

Thanks Judy!

She did try that cold cap thing but it gave her crippling migraines.

I think you're right about coming to terms...it's all happening so fast and with the start of school (she's the co-president of the student council!!) I doubt she has had time to process everything.

Jan, how sweet that you remembered the eye patch! I blocked it out of my memory - ha,ha!

H

I told my grandkids that I had to take some medicine that tasted so nasty my hair decided to leave my head! A little humor-filled truth, but it made the whole process a little easier. I wore my wig in front of them all the time, at first. As time went on, I was able to wear a ball cap and then go bald and not freak them out.

Like Judy, I got a wig that was close to my hairstyle. It made the transition easier for everyone.

It just kills me every time I hear about a young mom having to explain breast cancer treatment to her children. It sucks so much!

Hugs to your friend and maybe show her my blog from last summer when I went through treatment - the pictures may make it easier for her.

Michelle, I still don't know how you had the courage to take pics of your hair-do's including being bald. That really takes strength and guts.

When you started your blog did you have any idea how many ladies would read it and learn so much from it??? It is truly amazing all the women you have helped. Me included.

What made you decide to do a blog on your journey? Or have you always used the Internet in that way? Was it a spur of the moment decision? I think you put a lot of thought into it from the very beginning. I so admire you in every way.

Fondly
Jan

Haylen, I was so impressed how you helped your daughter thru a very tricky situation with the eye patch and pirate idea. I thought that was so clever of you. How could you forget? LOL.

I am always so sad when a young mother has to deal with this crappy horrible dx. Specially when she is involved with her kids school and activities. Just sucks big time.

Please, tell her---she is not weak to go ask for some counseling. They have 3 free sessions in our area and I took advantage of them. It never hurts to talk to a 3rd unbiased person. Just a thought.

Hugs
Jan

Haylen,
I had a hard time with the hair loss. I let mine fall out. I didn't
shave my head. I wore a wig when I went out, but not at
home . I had made some comfy hats. I think the more
comfortable she is the more they will ignore it. Ihave
read that apricots and vitamin E can help. I don't know
of anyone that didn't loose most or all of their hair.
I hope your friend goes through treatment without a hitch!
Hugs,
Cindy

Haylen,
I was the one that thought I looked sicker with patches of hair so one day I was running my fingers through my hair and out came a handful. That is when I thought you know the saying I could just pull my hair out ?!! That is just what me and my friend did we pulled my hair out and put it in that hospital pail they give you the pink one. It was so funny all we kept doing was laughing so hard we couldn't see what we were doing because our eyes were watering so much. It didn't hurt at all and it was something I never heard of anyone else doing. I have pics of us doing this and the hair in that pail so funny then of my bald head during and after it was all out. I told my young neices what I did and they laughed at me and said Aunt Bobbi you are crazy but that is just you. You always do silly things so why wouldn't you find something silly to do with your hair. Then they wanted to see my head without hair so I sent them a pic and then they wanted to feel what it felt like and beged me to go over to their house so over I went. They got laughing so hard and said it felt cool. They were only 6 and 10 at the time.
You have to act like your not afraid and let them know yes you are going to get sick from the meds but they are going to make you better in the end. I always try to find a pos out of a neg and have fun with everything I even put lights in my bra after surgery to have some fun with my doctors. You have to have fun even with a dx of breast cancer don't let it take your humor away or your spirit.
I wish your friend and her family all the best sending loads of angel hugs her way Roberta,

Haylen,
I forgot one thing I also had fun with the children on Holloween I dressed as Uncle Fester I had glow in the dark white make up on my face and bald head it was a lot of fun taking them out trick or treating lol.lol.
You just have to have fun and not show that you are scared and they will pick up on that. Losing your hair is much better then the other things that could happen if you don't treat this I would pick losing my hair any day.
She will get better with the whole thing it does take time it hits you all at once and very hard at first but it does get better. Or we just get used to it because we know we can't change it.

Hi Haylen,
Sorry to hear this but the hair loss is inevitable with the chemo.

I got my wig styled before chemo so the hairdresser could see what I looked like and style the wig so the transition wasn't so bad. I always wore my wig around my family, except at night and then I usually had a hood on as it was winter.

It is a tough one, but hair does grow back and when it does you know you have made it thru. I felt my hair growth was a sign of new life.

Blessings and good wishes to her.

Jenna

Jan - I was already part of a diabetic blog when I was diagnosed with breast cancer, and I had done a couple of travel blogs. I had the realization that my family and I would have lots of questions and that all our friends would be interested in what was happening, how I was doing, etc. I knew it would make it easier on all of us if they could just point their friends to my blog for information, then they wouldn't have to constantly provide updates.

It has worked out far better than I ever expected. When I look at the blog statistics and I see readers from ten countries, it makes me feel so good to know that people are being helped. Fear of the unknown is always the worst!

And as for the bald head thing, it took me a couple weeks to get over having a bald head. And when "Pinktober" came around last year, I made a comment that if everyone took off their wigs, scarves, and headwraps and showed their bald heads, it would do more to raise awareness than any pink ribbon campaign. So I decided to "walk my talk." I think my hubby would have preferred I wear the wig - the bald head was a vivid reminder that he didn't want to think about. So I wore a hat on occasion, especially if we were going someplace where I thought my head would get cold.

I think Roberta is right on with her comment about acting like you're not afraid. If you look at my blog during chemo last summer, I am smiling, we're having a party at chemo, etc. I really didn't and still don't want to look like a "patient" which is why I cannot wear a scarf on my head. I tried that look and poor hubby almost had a heart attack! There's something to the ACS's "Look Good Feel Better" program - when I looked good, I did feel better!

Which reminds me, Haylen...be sure to tell your friend to look for that program through her cancer center or nearest hospital. Or call the local ACS office. It's a nice two hour or so presentation and you get some nice cosmetics, tips on keeping and looking healthy, and sometimes even a free wig.

WOW Michelle, thanks for all the info.

I had forgot about your diabetes. Your blog is just amazing and I thank you for it. Yes, you were right as I am sure it did inform all your family and friends without you having to keep explaining all of it. What a great way to eliminate all the phone calls. LOL.

You said you didn't want to look like a "patient". Me either. I could never wear the scarfs as I was afraid they would fall off. But that is why I wear my wigs----AS a badge of courage. Plus I never--ever have another bad hair day. Yay. Besides I hated my hair anyway as it was getting so thin on top.

I do not feel weird wearing my wigs. I think I look so cool and sexy in them. Like a whole NEW me. LOL. I have a reddish one---sun-kissed blonde one and a darker blonde one. NO gray ones for this ole' gal. When we go out I ask DH who he wants to go with, Blonde or Red-head??? We do have fun with it. Sometimes I even wear it to bed depending on my mood. LOL. O.K. you all know what I mean and I don't want this post to be X-rated. LOL.

Thanks Michelle, Hope all goes well for you today. I will be on Pinkie to keep Rachael on the straight and narrow path to Boston.

Hugs
Jan

I'm still the "New Kid" here, I guess if you still have your surgical drains, you qualify. I haven't had chemo yet, so no hair loss, but know it will happen and I'm preparing. I've visited a wig shop and tried on a number of styles and have talked with my hairdresser about it and she will help me out. I also know of a spa here that can apply eyebrows that will last awhile. That's not a big concern for me as I'll probably just choose a wig style with longish bangs, what I wear anyway.
My daughter is in her early 40's and I can't imagine her having to deal with this, but I know so many do. It is heartbreaking to see how many young women come to ask questions or to find support.
Michelle, I've read your blog also, and have felt such hope for getting through chemo by watching your journey. Bless you for doing it.

Janie