Breast Cancer Community

Hi Pink Warrior - so sorry to hear about your friend. I too had stage II breast cancer, idc, no node involvement, 3cm tumor. I was told the chemo would decrease my odds of recurrence and the fact that it was invasive would kill any floating cells that may be somewhere else in my body.
This is a very difficult decision and a personal one.

I don't know her history and personal health, but I know for me it was the right decision based on 2 different doctors and 2 hospitals opinions. There is such a scary stigma associated with chemo, and believe me, there is nothing easy about it, but if helps for odds of survival then for me it was the right choice.

All you can really do is support her decision. Have her come here to chat. There are so many compassionate people here who may relate to her specific situation who didn't do the chemo and can talk to her.

good luck ~
Jenna

Sorry to hear that your friend is dealing with cancer...Never an easy road...'Course, not to many serious illnesses are!

But how fortunate she is to have you and all the others there for support: The very best medicine anyone can have!!

Have you or has she heard of the oncotype test? It helps make such difficult decisions as it narrows the benefits vs risks for having chemo. Please look into it for her, and let her know what you learn if you feel it will be helpful. It might be something she would want to discuss with her medical team.

One thing I must address: Please know that she is NOT walking away from you or anyone...What she may be doing is trying to run away from cancer!! The last thing she would want to do is avoid all the love and support you are giving her!

Anytime we face an enemy which makes us feel totally impotent and out of control of our own lives, it scares the patootie out of us! And when we feel that absence of control, anyone questioning decisions we make seems to underline and highlite that issue!


"You are in a new world with a new language and new tests and new faces and new fears, and you certainly do not know how to make good decisions...If you did, you would never have gotten into this mess!!!"

Yes, sadly too many of us feel this way. And everyone who suggests anything to us is sometimes heard to be challenging and questioning, and is nibbling away at any remaining confidence we have in ourselves.

Listen more than speak. Love more than sympathize. Offer laughter whenever possible. Subtly remind her that she is NOT her cancer! Remind her that there still are wonderful things and people around her. And as for introducing any other options, perhaps the best idea would be to encourage 2nd and 3rd opinions, maybe accompany her to such appointments, and then ask her about her reaction to what was said!
Perhaps she will ask you what you think. If so, enter quietly and try to help her balance benefit vs risk.

She has physicians. What she needs is friends!

Thanks for caring so much about her!

Blessings.
Rachael

It's hard to understand the fear that comes with the idea of chemo. And there's reason to fear - it's the hardest thing I've ever done and I didn't have nearly as much trouble with it as many others do. That doesn't make it any less frightening.

I know when I was first diagnosed, I wanted the decision to be a "math problem." How much were my odds of a recurrence decreased by undergoing chemo? How long might it lengthen my life, on average? There is an online calculator that your good friend can use. She can put in her own statistics and she will see, statistically, whether or not undergoing chemo will increase her survival odds. You can find it at this website:

http://cancer.lifemath.net/

Click on "breast cancer" then click on the "Therapy Calculator" and enter the information that she has. It will provide some good statistics on the benefit of chemo and even which chemo she might choose to do. And it will give you statistics on your survival statistics even if you choose no chemo. Play around with it - maybe there is a scenario that will help your friend make a sound decision.

Hugs,
Michelle