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emotional wreck
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jlmjct posted:
am 45 with a new son 8 months old... will there ever be a day that i am not in fear for my life or that i wont cry thinking i will die from this... my son was born in October, i was told i had multifocal rt. infiltrating ductal carcinoma in march, had both breast removed in April followed by a total hysterectomy d/t pet scan result suggestive for endometrial cancer.. no uterine cancer found (give thanks to the lord for he is good 1 Chronicles 16:34). my onco type dx test score was 15 so no chemo or radiation... i am on tamoxifen for next 5 years and my first recheck is in august.. i feel as though this has taken control of my thoughts as well as my everyday life... i just want to stay isolated in my house... so many thoughts in my mind.... im just lost and devastated...
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jenna291 responded:
I am so sorry for what you have been through and what you are going thru. It really isn't fair to get the diagnosis, but to care for an infant, I don't know how the heck you are doing it. I hope you are getting lot of help.
There are so many of us that are struggling with this diagnosis, but things WILL get better. I am almost 6 years out now. Yes, the treatments were hell and the road is long, but looking at that beautiful baby of yours will give you the strength to move through all this.
Please check in and let us know how you are doing. Take time for you if you can.
best -
Jenna
 
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jlmjct replied to jenna291's response:
ty jenna.... i dont understand alot of this... i guess i keep worrying that it wont go away... the tamoxifen wont cure me.... my cancer was a stage 1 grade 2. i had 2 tumors so mastectomy was only option other than i opted for a double giving the fact that i was high risk for it to show up in other breast and i was like ok sounds good then i read what grade meant and scared myself again...would like to here from others that have done the tamoxifen only and had good results.... im not one to go to big groups so support group wasnt for me... i decided to get on here hoping to make some friends that could talk to me and help me and vice versa...
 
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cindy12345678 replied to jlmjct's response:
It sounds like you did everything that there was t o do. We all
get scared that it will come back. then I remind myself that
worrying that much is just wasting the good time that I have.
I think I worry a little daily sometimes I feel a little scared
daily then I try to get on with the business of living.
I had chemo and bi-mast I was st3 with 2 different cancers
bilateraly. I have been on tamoxifen for 2 1/2 yrs now.
that's the hard thing about cancer you don't know when or
if it will recur . So I am going to try and enjoy my life regardless
if the cancer comes back or not.

Cindy
 
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rachael67 responded:
Whew! You certainly have a full plate! I can't begin to imagine all that rushes about in your mind and thru your spirit...and my heart goes out to you!

I am glad, however, that you are reaching out for support on here and pray you are doing the same off-line! Is there a support group, close family or friends, whatever nearby that can help you thru this journey? Isolating yourself does little to help and does much to foster the growth of fear and doubt and depression!! (They have dreadfully ugly blossoms, so avoid them at all costs!!)

Please know you will be in our thoughts, and we are here to offer our support and experiences whenever you need us!

Blessings.
Rachael
Just when the caterpillar thought her world was over, she became a butterfly! Don't give up five minutes before the miracle!!
 
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brcansur responded:
Hello and welcome, I too am so sorry that you have to deal with so much in such a short time and with a little one ta boot. That must be so very hard on you and your spirit right now,but with saying all of that now look at all you have been through and done! My goodness wow !! What a very strong positive women you are for being able to do all of that and still be there for that little baby and your self right now. You got on line and looked for help that is great work and that comes from someone that is strong enough and well enough to know they need someone to help them get through this. So know you are strong enough and well enough and will get through this. We are here for you any way we can help we will be there to help and guide you. You need to take one day at a time not over load your self with things. Enjoy that babay everyday that will also help pick you up on bad days it did me a child puts a smile on my face no matter what has gotten me down. I feel that babies is here for a reason and be born so close to all of this think about it. !!! You have purpose now you have to get out and find out what it is maybe to help others like you that are young and have just been dx. Mothers of little ones with breast cancer or maybe something else but find that reason to push on and not get stuck in that whole of worry everyday what if ??? I hope this has helped you some please know we are here 24/7 so come back often and ask anything someone will answer even if it isn't the answer they will chat with you. Have a great day angel hugs Roberta, Oh and give that sweet baby a hugs also.
Roberta
 
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jenna291 replied to jlmjct's response:
I hope someone will respond that only had the tamoxifen. I had 2 years of it but was switched to arimidex post menopause.
It really does help to talk to other women. You certainly are not alone and so many others will be able to relate to you.
You will be in my thoughts and prayers, and hope you come back often, even if just to vent.
best to you -
Jenna
 
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jlmjct replied to jenna291's response:
ty to everyone that has responded back so far to my post... there are support groups in my town but i choose to try to find comfort here as im not one for big crowds plus my daughter still is unaware of my breast cancer.. she is 20 and my son 8 months, imagine that lol... she goes to college 10 hours away and just completed her 2 year followed by a few summer school classes to stay ahead.. keeping my breast cancer silent from friends to protect my daughter.. i want to be the one to tell her.. she will be home on july 10th and i plan to tell her then. she is in school to be a doctor and i knew telling her while she was in school would prompt her to panic, drop out of school and come home.. this way i can sit her down and talk to her and tell her my expectations of her in case something should go wrong. i have always even before i got sick worried about death and dying... this has really devastated me.. no family history so was quite a shock... i pray daily and my faith is strong... anyone that can help me along the way with their experience will be greatly appreciated... God Bless you all and i will keep each one of you in my prayers..
 
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JLAMB26 responded:
I'm so sorry you have to go through this. I can completely relate to your feelings and fears. I was diagnosed with Stage 3 agressive BC when my daughter was 2 months old, three years ago. It was terrifying. I coped by educating myself and concentrating on the positives in my life (I know...easier said than done). I refused to let this darn cancer take over my life. Don't get me wrong, it is a long road but I made it through surgeries and chemo. My fears came true in December when I had a reoccurance. It was caught much earlier than the first time and I'm just now finishing chemo and radiation and will have herceptin treatments through March of next year. I'm telling you this because even if your worst fears happen, it is possible to overcome them and there is hope. There is always hope! I live by that school of thought everyday as I spend time with and get strength from my children, family and friends. It may take you a while, but I'm hoping you get there also. Sending you hugs, prayers and positive thoughts.
Jennifer
 
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jenna291 replied to JLAMB26's response:
Jennifer, you have said if all so well. Faith and a positive attitude and support are a blessing thru this.

Keeping it quiet must be a huge burden but I understand it. My daughter was away at college when I was diagnosed but only 3 hours from home and because I was doing chemo and she came home about once a month, I had to tell her. It was really hard on her, but I called her all the time and let her know I had plenty of family members and friends helping me. That gave her comfort.

bless you and I will be thinking of you on the 10th when you speak with your daughter (great day, July 10th because its my mom's birthday so I hope that brings you strength and luck!

Jenna
 
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jlmjct replied to jenna291's response:
hi all... my faith is strong although i may not be as positive as i should.. i hear so many stories and alot of them are the ones i wish people would thin about before they tell me (ex my sister had breast cancer and it came back in the uterus and lungs and she died). it scares me to death.. i joined here in hopes of hearing from others that made it over 5 years, over ten years etc.. also hoping to find someone that has had my type of cancer, tamoxifen treatments only and what i can expect with each check up. i have not been to my first recheck but was told every three months for the first year then every six months for next five years.. is it true that the cancer will eventually come back in my lifetime after about ten years? and what am i to expect with reconstruction and i guess i just want to know everything... thank you for all your replies.. God Bless each and everyone..
dd
 
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cindy12345678 replied to jlmjct's response:
Hi,
I had ductal on one side and lobular on the other. I don't
think we know when or if it will come back. I am 2 1/2 yrs
out and I still see my onc every three mos. they finally moved
out the ct scans . I was getting one every 6 mos. I think
once a yr now. They basically keep watch on meds and
any issues you may have. I have had no problems with
tamoxifen.
I had bi-mast and I had reconstruction with implants.
I am happy that I did the reconstruction. But it was a
process. There are many types of reconstruction, and
it is a big decision. Some women choose not to and that's
also ok. There are breast forms and undergarments for them
or use nothing at all. Right after mast. I didn't use forms
or anything. I guess its about personal choice. I am
really happy with my implants. they look good in clothes
but they don't exactly look like the breasts that you had.
Its about what you need to feel whole and happy.
hugs,
cindy
 
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jlmjct replied to JLAMB26's response:
does cancer always reoccur again or have you ever heard of anyone that never had a reoccurance.. i guess my biggest fear is im gonna face cancer again... some days are good for me but i guess i will live in fear the rest of my life... would also like to know what to expect with implants, does it hurt, how long do you have to go through expansions, how many times do you go before its complete basically i would like to know the whole process...
 
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cindy12345678 replied to jlmjct's response:
Some people never have a recurance. My Grandmother only had surg . and it never came back. I think we all fear it
happening again. But treatments are better than they ever
were before. Now about reconstruction. There are a lot of
choices your doc should give you all your options. I did
implants. I had the expanders placed at the time of
mastectomy. They filled them a little then. It was about 6-8
weeks before we did the first fill. there is a valve under the
skin. they use a syringe and fill you up. they ask you when
it hurts or feels tight. And they keep doing that until you are
where you want to be. I think you can go every week. I went
a little slower I think. Then they schedule you for your
implants. I have silicone ones. that's an easy surg. Then
when I was healed from that I had nipples done. They
create them from your skin over the implant. Then when
that healed I had them tatood. The whole thing took a year.
am happy with my choice. they feel weird for awhile. But
you do get used to it. I didn't have any problems but you can
always have problems with surgical things.They won't
look like the ones you had but I feel more complete
with them. Like I said , you need to do what makes you
feel good and whole. I hope I answerd some of your
questions.
Cindy
 
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Burrs responded:
I know what you are saying... I am a 6 yr survivor ,, and even tho my doc put me on antidepressants... I still fretted over... cancer return... I changed my eating, I try to exercise everyday, I read everything out there... Finally two years ago .. I said I will enjoy each day.. and take good care of my self... and not let the C word enter my daily life... I feel so much better... when I went through Chemo I said never again... But now I feel I will do what ever it takes to .. Live...
I does get better... Be strong and positive ... join a cancer group if you have one near.. I belong to Bosom Buddies and find that really helps...


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