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    Weird Pee
    lukeperry posted:
    Hello Lady's,

    I've been cancer free for 2yrs. now and I hope I'm not the only person who does this. Every time something hurts or feels weird in my body, my brain immediately goes straight to, "Oh no Cancer!" Especially since I now have a brain tumor.

    That was my little question, I need to ask you something about my pee. A month ago I went for my yearly pap smear and all that stuff. The nurse called me after they got the results, she asked me if it hurts when I have sex , I said," how the heck would I know, people don't have sex in this house." My husband/boyfriend can't have sex. I'll tell you about that another time.

    Oh yeh, back to the sex. It seems that I have a rare condition, caused by the estrogen blockers that I have to take for 3more yrs. Guess what happened? My hoochie has closed up and can only be fixed through surgery! (I'm a virgin again) Do you believe it, not only do we have to lose a breast or two but I lost the only other sex thing that I had!! Not really but you know what I mean.

    I tried having sex once about 3mo. ago and wondered what the heck was wrong, It was excruciating pain. I just thought it was because I wasn't use to it. It wouldn't go at all and the pain was so bad, I was screaming Oh God, Oh God, my husband thought I was screaming for a different reason. Now he thinks he's the greatest lover of all times!Ha, ha. That's not my question either (my chemo brain won't let me remember anything, not even what my next sentence will be) I don't know what I'm going to do about that situation. I'm sick and tired of surgery's, and doctors.

    My question is, do any of you know whats wrong with me? (crazy doesn't count) A few hrs. ago I went to pee and couldn't do it for a few seconds, then it felt like something fell out, and then the pee came. It was soft and really little, kind of like jelly or a blood clot, it was the size of the smallest pea you've ever seen. You know that my mind has already given it every disease in the book. It wasn't blood, it wasn't any color. Does anyone on here know anything about it, has it happened to you or do you know anybody, or maybe you read it? Thank you in advance for reading this book of mine, it was just suppose to be short.
    rachael67 responded:
    At first I was so glad to see you again, and then I read you are having troubles and I felt bad! (Actually, I am still glad to see you, but I do wish it wasn't for this!!)

    I am afraid that I won't be much help other than to listen, offer a shoulder and send good wishes, etc.

    One thing I would want to know, however, is if you have spoken about this with another physician? Have you gotten other opinions? Have you approached a medical oncologist who might know if the meds could cause such a condition.

    What you expelled sounds like it could be a mucus plug of some sort. Do I know what might cause this? Nope, but I offer it as a possibility.

    Did you use any kind of lubricant LIBERALLY (slather that stuff on with abandon!!) prior to sex? (Gal, with as dry as we tend to get with both age and meds, lack of recent use of that arena would have any of us climbing the walls!!) Hate to break DH's heart, but he has to be told there is a problem and to proceed with caution and much gentleness!!

    See your GYN and discuss this with him as well.

    When they speak of surgery, what are they proposing?

    Have you done any research on this issue?

    I so wish I could offer more, but hope others will chime in. Please keep us posted on how you are doing. You are in my heart that all is easily resolved!

    Just when the caterpillar thought her world was over, she became a butterfly! Don't give up five minutes before the miracle!!
    lukeperry replied to rachael67's response:
    Hi Rachael,
    It's great talking to you again. It makes me feel like I'm not the alone cancer girl!

    I forgot to tell you, when I had the pain night, the foot board on my bed was loose and all it took was a little pressure and the whole bed crashed to the floor, I also live on the second floor so I wonder what my neighbor's thought. That was one of the funniest nights I had, in forever!

    I found the paper work from my gynecologist but it doesn't make much sense. I called his office when I got this paper work or he called me,(chemo brain) and the nurse told me that my 'hoo hoe' closed because I don't have any estrogen. I have to take estrogen blockers for the next 5yrs. because of my breast cancer.

    We really didn't go into the surgery part very much, I was still freaking out about having something wrong with another part of my womanhood. Can you believe it! Arggg!!(ck spelling) The doctor will have to cut me open again because it's closed, tighter then a drum! I'm going to call his office tomorrow and find out, then I'll tell you. It was nice talking to you again. Later.
    rachael67 replied to lukeperry's response:
    Second and third opinions!!! You need information before you can make decisions!

    And with the vocal incantations to the Almighty combined with the bed falling apart and crashing to the floor, your DH will have the best reputation of anyone on your block!!

    Yes, please keep us updated!


    PS. I neglected to reply to your inquiry in your first post about your feeling every thing that goes awry in your bod is a new bout with cancer? Yep, we all not only borrow trouble but put up flashing invitations for it!!
    Just when the caterpillar thought her world was over, she became a butterfly! Don't give up five minutes before the miracle!!
    lukeperry replied to rachael67's response:
    Thanks Rachael for talking to me. Don't worry I'm going to get another opinion and find out exactly what the procedure is for fixing me.
    rachael67 replied to lukeperry's response:
    Great! Let us know.

    Just when the caterpillar thought her world was over, she became a butterfly! Don't give up five minutes before the miracle!!
    jenna291 replied to rachael67's response:
    Hi lukeperry,
    Reading your posts I can't believe all you have been through!
    I don't know what that discharge could possibly be, and I hope your gyno can shed some light on it.
    For me, that part of my anatomy has never been the same. I do have pain during sex, but have dryness from the arimidex. This battle is never really over!
    Let us know what this new opinion is - there has to be something that can help you!
    Your story about the bread falling apart cracked me up!!! I can't imagine the conversations your neighbors must be having!! Have you gotten any strange (or jealous) looks??? LOL
    We have to keep up the sense of humor -
    look forward to hearing some good news from you ~
    lukeperry replied to jenna291's response:
    Hi Jenna,
    Nice to hear from you too! My bed falling apart was unforgettable! The good news about that was, I got to buy a brand new bed!

    My pee is back to normal and I don't know what caused that weird thing. I do know that I have to have surgery if I want to have sex again. I need to know exactly what it entails, I'll find that out later.

    I wanted to ask y'all something else and please don't think that I'm being a cry baby and I think I have troubles. I have no more troubles then everybody else on here.

    My husband has cirrhosis of the liver, his legs and feet are twice the size they normally are, they are so swollen that it's scary to look at. I feel that it's a death sentence because of everything I've read. I never thought we had a death sentence,(with our cancer) I always thought we had a fighting chance. I know in my heart that he's going to die and I'm handling it terribly. I keep saying awful hateful things and he's doing the same back.

    Why am I doing this? What the hell is wrong with me? He's doing the same thing to me because he's so frustrated, scared and mad at himself. I feel that if he should die, it will hurt me less if I push him away first. It's all crazy and I know better, yet I keep doing it. All of us on this board KNOW about miracles, we have all either experienced them 1st hand or seen them happen to others. Can anybody survive cirrhosis of the liver and for how long?

    When I think back on my life about all the good and the bad things that I've been through, all I remember are the good things. I'm just a little confused right now about my actions. Why are G and I acting so badly to each other? I know that I'm going to be sooo sorry, yet I can't stop talking like a B! I will appreciate any advise you have. Thank you very much. I love all of you!

    rachael67 replied to lukeperry's response:
    Good to hear the pee issue has resolved itself and that you are resigned to the surgery.

    However, my heart is going out to you concerning your DH's health issues and what the two of you are going thru at this time. Why are you two harsh with one another? Most likely because you are scared beyond gentle words!

    Yes, pushing him away may be some form of self-protection, a survival technique. However, I think the bigger picture is that you both recognize the most likely outcome, that you are totally impotent to change it, and can't deal with the thought of that inevitable separation! And who in your situation would be reacting any differently?

    First things first:
    Let yourselves off the hook!!!!
    Recognize that the exchanges you are having have absolutely nothing to do with your love for one another, but, instead, are directed at the invisible threat that has come uninvited, and is robbing you of all the tomorrows you had anticipated! It will take time, but if you share some of these fears with each other, bringing them out and seeing the villain face to face, hating him together, perhaps through the tears and the hugs, you can learn to be kinder to each other ...and more gentle with yourselves?!

    I am sure, being human, that each of you is blaming yourselves (most wrongly, I might add!) for whatever role you think you might have played in arriving where you are today. However, the energy you are using to do so, is totally wasted!! Put it to good use in doing your collective best to make sure that whatever time is permitted to you not go by without whatever joy and love you can find hidden within each moment.

    Focus on what you two have built and shared while on this journey together..First forgive yourself and then forgive each other. Sadly the end of our time here is limited from the moment we are born (Not what I would have designed, but then again the Almighty never asked my opinion!), yet none of us, knowing the inevitable outcome, ever focus on the birth of a child as a sad time. We dwell on the moment and all the joy it holds. Perhaps that is what one must do in your situation as well. And hold each other so closely and tightly that only death itself will be able to pull you apart when the time comes.

    Would that I could offer more than a few words, Nancy, but please know you both are in my heart today and always.

    Just when the caterpillar thought her world was over, she became a butterfly! Don't give up five minutes before the miracle!!
    lukeperry replied to rachael67's response:
    Hi Rachael,

    I love what you wrote! You could be a poet! Everything you said is so true. I tried talking about it with Greg, I asked him if he was scared, he said "yes," I told him so was I. Then I had to stop talking because I was starting to cry and he needs to see me strong. If I let myself cry in front of him, I'm afraid that I'll get hysterical and not be able to stop.

    I believe in miracles because I've seen them around me all my life. When I got cancer I wasn't scared at all because I could feel God inside me, not beside me but literally inside, keeping me safe and pain free. Greg saw that miracle happen right in front of him, so he wasn't scared for me. He acted so strong and brave but where he's concerned, he acts like he never saw anything or he thinks he doesn't deserve or will get a miracle.

    When I was sick, I told him how blessed I felt, for all the good things God was doing for me and how nobody deserves it. God just does it, for anybody who asks for his help. When I start to say anything about God and a miracles happening to him, he tells me not to talk about it, he doesn't want to hear all that stuff. So, I stopped talking about it.

    Guess what his doctor told him last week? He had this shocked look on his face and he told Greg that he couldn't believe his blood work. The doctor said it came back so good that he thinks his liver is starting to heal itself! Tell me that's not a miracle! That same doc told him 2mo. ago, that he didn't have a chance, because his cirrhosis was too far gone.

    Why is it, that so many people don't recognize a miracle when it's right in their face? Why didn't he see that miracle? I remember when I was younger, I wouldn't recognize when God was telling me what not to do, but I surely did recognize every time he saved me. People are soooo complex! I don't even know why God bothers with us. I'm so glad that he doesn't judge or love us like humans do. We are so lucky that he's our Father and loves us unconditionally and with all his heart!

    Sometime today,(when the time is right) I will try to have that discussion with Greg and I'm going to point out the miracle he seems to have missed. Don't worry, I don't talk all holly roller all the time, because I know that sometimes that turns people off. I'm going to talk about the things you mentioned, as soon as he brings them up. Thanks a lot. You always know just what to say. It's too bad we can't do that for ourselves.
    jenna291 replied to lukeperry's response:
    Well now you ladies have me all blubbery and crying!
    I am SO happy to hear that Greg is doing so well. That is so wonderful and fantastic for you all.
    We have to believe in the greater good, for sure. If we don't believe, where would we be?
    Life is so tough sometimes, and hearing a story like this sure does warm my heart.

    Stay safe and warm all. It is a blustery, snowy night in New England. A good night to cuddle up in a warm blanket with a good book and some hot chocolate!

    lukeperry replied to jenna291's response:
    I just wanted to say, " you are so wonderful, and I love you all." Your so sweet to answer and pray for me, this is a great site! Where else can you go and tell strangers all your problems and have them care? I feel so lucky that I found you. Thanks and God bless you!

    P.S. Since the first time I wrote you,(yrs. ago) I felt like I knew you guys forever.

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