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2nd Breast Cancer Scare
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lukeperry posted:
Hi ladies,

I went for my yearly mammogram yesterday and had the crap scared out of me! (It's been 3yrs.) Since I had my right breast amputated, I have to go every yr. for the next 5. Anyway, they kept making me get more test, 1st-they wanted to do another mam, 2nd-a sonogram. The lady left me on the table for (what seemed to be 30min.) I jumped off that table, ran out, grabbed my clothes and was on my way out the door. She caught my arm after I almost made it out of there. She was very sweet and said,"do you have to go?" Where as I said,"sorry, but yes." She said, "can you wait just a minute, the radiologist wants to talk to you", I said "no."

She told me that everything looked fine and not to be scared. I asked her, then why she did all those extra test and why did the radiologist want to talk to me? I told her that I couldn't breath, so I had to leave because of the fear. I stayed, spoke to the rad. and he said he found some fatty deposits (which meant nothing, probably) but for me to come back in 6mo.

Being in that damn building again, took me back to when they said I'd have to have my breast removed. I just couldn't stand it and I am now scared shi%#tless! I was leaving because I knew I wasn't able to handle hearing another horrific thing, yet! Do you remember me telling you how much God took care of me the 1st time? Well, for some reason, I felt like I would fall over and die if I heard the word CANCER!

I'm writing you for strength (my strength was 'unstoppable & never ending, when I last spoke to you!' Where did it go, what's wrong with me? I am soooo ashamed that I can hardly stand it!

Of all the times this could happen, my boyfriend is dying from cirrhosis of the liver! What a MESS!!! I want us to die at the same time and now, it seems possible. How weird is that???? I wrote to vent but mostly to get strength from you. I love you!

Luke
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jenna291 responded:
Hi Luke
I am so sorry to hear of this latest scare - it truly never ends.
As I always say, once a cancer patient always a cancer patient. I get horribly scared every year when I go for my mammogram. This year they wanted extra pics, and I was a wreck. Everything turned out fine, but honestly, I understand how you feel. Sometimes you just wait for the other shoe to drop.
You do need to stay strong for your boyfriend. I am so sorry to hear this about him!!!
Do you have a support group you could join? I am in one with 8 beautiful bc survivors, who honestly keep me sane. We all share the same scares and a lot of the same after chemo symptoms.
I am sending you a hug cyber hug and hope and pray that everything stays well with your health.
God Bless ~
Jenna
 
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rachael67 replied to jenna291's response:
Luke, Jenna has given you some great advice as well as support.

As far as what your problem is...Let's begin with the fact that you are HUMAN!!! Add to that the fact that you have already walked this road and thought the path you were now on was different than the first, but see now it might only be a spur route! To those issues (as if they weren't enough!) add your very ill love, and then add life itself with all it's ups and downs and speed bumps and detours...See! All you are doing is being "normal"!!

Whatever you do, DO NOT BLAME YOURSELF!! You have not turned your back on God or lost your faith...and He has not abandoned you either!!

Remember om F2F how we would advise each other not to borrow trouble as it had it's own way of finding us without painting a target on our backs???? Well...????? Don't get overly concerned until you have good reason!

But if in the meantime you wish to get angry or to cry or to scream and kick a bucket all around the cellar until you run out of energy, go for it!!!

If you are in the mood for a pity party, plan a doozie and invite all of us...But know when it is time to end that party and get back to living!

While you wait for the results of your tests, etc. please know you will be in our thoughts. And do return to let us know how you are doing. OK?

Blessings,
Rachael
Just when the caterpillar thought her world was over, she became a butterfly! Don't give up five minutes before the miracle!!
 
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lukeperry replied to jenna291's response:
Thank you Jenna for calming me down. Aren't you sick & tired of hearing that word, "cancer"? Ooooh! Have you noticed that on TV everybody dies from it, and a lot of real people too? Has it always been in movies and magazines but I'm just noticing it now, or has everybody just started talking about it? I swear, it seems like that's all people talk & write about! Thanks for listening to me AGAIN, and thank you for praying for me. Your too sweet!

God Bless you too!
 
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lukeperry replied to rachael67's response:
Thank you sweetie for the grown up advise. Sometimes I forget that I am one!(like, everyday!) Now that I'm getting older, I'm afraid to go to the dam doctor! I could have this disease or that disease. When I was younger, all of it was in my head. Now, you never know what the doc will say.

I wasn't even worried on the day of my appt., so I was unprepared to hear any shocking news. How crazy was that? Do you ever forget that you have cancer? I do, all the time. Wishful thinking I guess. I keep putting off my head MRI because I have no idea how I will handle the news. I know, he might say that it hasn't grown any and everything is fine. Fat chance! Just kidding, he might. I'm a little crazy right now, as you can tell, so please forgive my crazy talk! Thank you again and God Bless!

Nanc(Luke)
 
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jenna291 replied to lukeperry's response:
Hi Luke,
Yes, I get used to get angry a lot that first year when I was going thru horrible chemo and being sick and losing my hair and everything else that is horrible about going thru it. Then I realized I had to use my energy to fight the disease, not spend it being angry. It does get hard when I think how I took care of myself before the diagnosis, and never really drank, smoke or had a high fat diet like so many other women who won't get cancer, but I tried to put a positive spin on it - (yes, it is hard!!!!) I have met wonderful women, don't sweat the small stuff in life nearly like I used to, and truly enjoy the beauty of what is around me - spring is here finally in New England and the flowers are blooming - yay!

I have bad days and scary days once in a while, but I try to focus on LIVING, and not let the fact that I am a cancer survivor define me.

You have every right to get crazy, throw some things around, and as Rachel said, have the pity party!!! We all need that sometimes. Then breathe, and get back to the good. I do hope and pray your significant other doesn't have too much pain and discomfort.

blessings and hugs,

Jenna
 
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rachael67 replied to lukeperry's response:
Hey! If we can't be crazy with one another, we are in deep doo-doo!

Do I forget I have had cancer? Sometimes...and then I hurt somewhere or have a nagging cough or...Well! You get the idea, right?

I find for myself it helps to anticipate the worst-case-scenario, plan on how I would handle that and then when I get any news better than that, I am very relieved!! It is just reassuring to know that even an "unpleasant" surprise is doable! I really hate being blind-sided!!

You are in my heart...Keep us posted!!

Blessings.
Rachael
Just when the caterpillar thought her world was over, she became a butterfly! Don't give up five minutes before the miracle!!
 
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lukeperry replied to rachael67's response:
Hi Rachael,

I really don't have anything to say, I just wanted to talk to somebody (special). I use to use the worst case scenario also, but since I got a cancer diagnosis, it doesn't work anymore. Now when I go to a doctor, I'm thinking,"well, he can't say anything worse then cancer." Then, one will say "Oh, you have a brain tumor or the cancer has spread someplace else." No matter how prepared I think I am, I'm never really ready.

Now since I'm older, I always hear something shocking and I realize that it's only going to get worse. If I don't die from FRIGHT, I can get rheumatoid arthritis, diabetes, a pain in the butt, a giant basketball lump on the top of my head or, maybe even start growing a third leg! If I've learned anything in my old age, it's "don't be surprised about anything!"

Sorry for my crybaby message, I feel a little bit better now, and I hope I didn't depress you. I really don't want to depress any of you girl's. You've already been through way too much. Thank you for letting me 'let loose'. Nanc, Luke, Nanc,Luke. See, I don't even know who I am anymore. (I don't think any of us do, ha!ha!)

Love, NaLuk
 
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rachael67 replied to lukeperry's response:
NaLuk! Love the newer version of your name!!

No!! You have not depressed me...Don't you think I share so many of your thoughts and concerns...as do most of the old gang, I am sure!! Hey! I just finished watching one of the newer Superman movies..."The Man Of Steel" ...and even with all his powers, he went thru much more than any of us...'cept he could fly while he was doing so!! As for "pains in the butt," I think many aspects of life prove to be just that...Yes, there also are many sweet moments, but when we are afraid or angry or wanting to rewrite our life story, somehow those prove a tad elusive, right?

Please come here often and vent and share and laugh and give and receive hugs! It makes the journey we all are on so much better! The bad things seems to lessen when we have someone who cares share them...and the good times are so much more delicious to delight in together!!

RE: the "spam gone crazy" quite sometime ago WebMD sort of ruled that our communities were the least important parts of their sites and since that time the moderators have been let go, there are no experts, the Ambassadors have been totally ignored and left out of anything...This has created fertile ground for spammers and etc,. to ply their trade on all our exchanges and boards. Only recently have the Powers that Be seen they might benefit to have someone oversee a bit...So we now have one poor soul who tries her best to keep things clear, but is not here on the weekend (which is apparently known to spammers) and even during the week, she has her hands full to keep things running smoothly. I, too, wonder that WebMD cannot filter these better or hire more individuals to tend to the needs of the communities....I fear that any newbies coming here and seeing all this trash must feel us to be of no value to them at all!!

OK...Now I have vented too! See!!

Take care, my Friend..and come back and "play" more often!!

Blessings.
Rachael
Just when the caterpillar thought her world was over, she became a butterfly! Don't give up five minutes before the miracle!!
 
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lukeperry replied to rachael67's response:
As Arnold would say, don't worry, "I'll be back!" You are so sweet, I know that your going straight to Heaven! God told me that.

Luke
 
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jenna291 replied to lukeperry's response:
Hi Luke & Rachael,
I too have found great comfort when I need to vent, laugh and just share with others who can understand what we have and still go thru. I know people mean well, but until you have walked down our road, its really difficult to explain and express everything we feel!

As far as the spam goes, I just don't think enough effort is going into getting rid of it, and I do hope and pray it doesn't keep people away who really need to "talk".

be well my friends - I so miss the old gang, Pinkie and the cabana boys!

xo
Jenna
 
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rachael67 replied to jenna291's response:
Jenna, tho' we have been separated from many of our old F2Fs for a variety of reasons, I promise you that Pinkie is a constant...She is always aware of when she is needed and is right on time to pick up the gang and to escort the one in need. Of course, she would never forgive me if I failed to add that she is also very much available to help celebrate happy occasions as well!!

Blessings.
Rachael
Just when the caterpillar thought her world was over, she became a butterfly! Don't give up five minutes before the miracle!!
 
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jenna291 replied to rachael67's response:
Hi Rachael,
I am super glad to hear the Pinkie is still revved up and ready to go! Hoping George Clooney is still on board???

Thanks for the smiles ~

Jenna
 
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rachael67 replied to jenna291's response:
Hecks! Can youu imagine us letting him out????!!! Engaged or not, he is ours!!!

Rachael
Just when the caterpillar thought her world was over, she became a butterfly! Don't give up five minutes before the miracle!!
 
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lukeperry replied to rachael67's response:
Hello Girls,

Sorry that I didn't meet Pinkie, or did I?(chemo brain) Who is George Clooney? You don't mean the real George, do you? Did any of you ever go to go to the depression board, about 4yrs.ago? I did and it use to be a great place to go for cheering up! It was before they made it so confusing, Everything was on one page, so it was easy to find a person and certain questions.
There use to be about six people who were hysterical! One day one of us was depressed and the others would help, then another day it would be one of the others and so on. Almost everyday, new people would be very upset and write on the board and they always said how happy they were to find us.
It was great fun. I know how funny that sounds seeing how it was the depression board.
It some how worked & I miss it! People always went away feeling happier and who ever wasn't depressed that day felt better too. They felt better because they could help somebody in need. Well, I will talk to you later.

Love, NaLuk


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