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My wife of 25 years
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An_188551 posted:
My wife has had 3 doctors and 2 of her best friends who both have had BC recommend that she have the double prophylactic mastectomy because of her family history. Her mother and granmother both had BC and it took her mother's life the second time at age 63. She has had all the tests and they just asperated a small lump which they claim is one of the first signs. She wants me to tell her what to do, I think after several months of thinking about it I am going to tell her to have it. Tears roll down my face even now as I type this post. I am not sure she wants me to tell her what to do...........if she is to have it what kind of reconstruction is easiest on her? tks, jr
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rachael67 responded:
How sorry I am to hear of the difficulities your wife (and YOU!) are facing. Not an easy journey at all. But she has you, one of the good guys!, in her corner and that is most fortunate!

If she has seen three separate doctors (not all part of the same group which might not be such a good ideaas you want them to be completely objective and not influenced by another with whom they are affiliated), and all of them are in agreement that her history and particular breast cancer is such that mastectomy would be the best choice, then that may be the path to take.

However....please make sure that SHE makes the final choice!!!! If in the future she has any regrets, you are playing a dangerous loose-loose game!! Either choice can/might have bad consequences...and either might have good consequences...None of us are very good at fortune telling, and sometimes it just boils down to a crap shoot! You do your research and think it through and then make the best choice you can make given what you know at the time...THE ANGELS CAN'T DO MORE!

But, it might be best if you can simply sit down with her, and make a list of what is good about each direction of treatemtnt and what is bad about each! Then hold her close, tell her you really wish you had a magic wand, but since you don't, you will be standing beside her and supporting her whichever path she may take!!

It may seem like a little bit of a cop-out, but I think if you dive in and direct her when you and she are both indecisive, you might be asking for trouble????
Just my opinion. I hope this helps a little?

Don't loose sight of the fact that you are her rock and her support and her best friend! That is one of the best meds she can have!!

Might I also suggest that you visit and post on the main Breast Cancer Community as it is much more active, and you are more apt to get more input from others there.

Please know you and your wife will be in our thoughts, and do let us know how things are going. Okay?

Blessings.
Rachael
Just when the caterpillar thought her world was over, she became a butterfly! Don't give up five minutes before the miracle!!
 
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husband25yearsexperience replied to rachael67's response:
Rachael, thanks for taking the time to reply, it does help my approach, she made sure all 3 doctors are not affillated so on we go..thanks, jr


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