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Offended by breastfeeding!
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kfitz posted:
So I bf'd dd#1 for 3 months and I am almost 4 months in on dd#2. I do not bf in front of other people, even in my own home due to the stigma that goes with bfing. I am irritated by it, but everyone gets offended - even my own MIL! She was over on Saturday and made a comment about how gross it was in Costa Rica with women bfing 1 year olds in public. And how they didn't even cover up. (MIL didn't bf either of her children.) Well I was so offended that she of all people would be offended by it. I got real defensive and asked her why I should have to bf in the back seat of my car in the middle of winter due to all the people getting offended that I am trying to give my baby a healthy start. If only we could be more like the Costa Ricans and let it be supported - especially by other mothers. Even at the pediatricians office they asked I bf in the exm room due to other mothers getting offended. (They had an incident where a toddler was getting very curious about another bfing mother and got too close.) She was surprised I would want it to be like that here. I just wish things were different and I didn't have to fight battles to bf my baby in public.
Then later in the evening she said there is no formula too expensive for her grandbabies and offered to pay for it! Really? There is no formula that is better than my milk so keep your darn money.
Please share your similar stories so I know I am not alone.
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kaliandkanesmom responded:
Wow im blown away by your MIL! My own mother who BF my younger sis till she was 9 months gets weird BFing. I breastfeed in public i just use a cover but you should be able to feel comfortable to feed your baby in your own home...when im at home i dont care who is over and if they are offended or not i feed my baby...i do it as discreet as possible but its my home if someone doesnt like it they can not look!! As far as your pediatricians office that suprises me as well. Parents should be educating their children. When i was pregnant with my DS I explained to my DD that mommies feed their babies with their breasts she knew all about before he was born. Im sorry that this is happening but you have support here!!! You are doing the absolute BEST for your baby. People dont know how hard and challenging it is to BF if they did maybe we would have more support! Good luck and next time your MIL is over whip it out with no shame
 
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kfitz replied to kaliandkanesmom's response:
The thing is I SHOULDN'T be embarassed, but I still cower away to my room to bf. I feed in front of my mom and my sister, (and of course DH and DD#1) but everyone else I leave. I don't want to offend anyone and DD#2 still has latch issues since I have a forceful letdown so covering up makes it that much more difficult. The pedis office is b/c they will offend non bf mothers when their children ask questions, but the pedi actually praises me when I tell her I still bf. DD#1 was quite interested when I would feed DD#2 in the beginning and even still wants to check out when I pump (she is only 16 mos). I understand that moms may not want to explain it to their kids (especially if they never breastfed themselves.)
 
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Emma_WebMD_Staff replied to kfitz's response:
I find that those that are insecure with themselves have the biggest problems with breastfeeding. More than likely your MIL feels insecure about herself and her choice not to breastfeed. Although more than like the era she had her children didn't support breastfeeding either.

I personally like going to my room to nurse, if I am not involved in a conversation, because it's quiet time for me and the baby. But I wouldn't go in there if I were in the middle of a conversation or enjoying something. I'd simply throw a receiving blanket over my shoulder and go. Maybe you should start doing that.

Good for you for sticking up for yourself and your choice to breastfeed your children!
Emma
 
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tamliz08 responded:
That's awful! I try to be respectful about where and how I nurse my baby... like I wouldn't nurse in front of my husband's grandparents because they are wierd about it. When I am in public, I always try to find the most private spot, but I would never feed my baby in a public bathroom or in my freezing vehicle unless I absolutely had to.

I hate that it's such a big deal. We're just trying to feed our kids, so get off our backs people!
 
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phoenix31674 responded:
Geez, how rude.

Both my inlaws and my mom have fully supported me in my BFing even though neither of them did it nor did my SIL. I am discreet, but I never went into hiding around family. When i'm out I try to be discreet as well, either sitting at a table or using a receiving blanket for privacy. I've BF at zoos, museums, fast food places, the food court, the mall, the doctor's waiting room and never had anyone say a word.

I think you should print out some articles from places like the Mayo Clinic on the benefits of BFing, give them to your MIL and tell her you aren't ashamed of what you are doing. I can't believe the peds office would send you away. It's just hard to believe that any mother of young children would not be aware of the benefits of BFing. it's been in the news for more than a decade that breast is best.

Thankfully i'm in more enlightened Germany right now so I don't think I'd get guff out in public, but seeing it's winter, we aren't going out much right now.
 
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kfitz replied to tamliz08's response:
I would never feed her in the bathroom either. I hardly want to take her in a public bathroom to change her diaper. Work wanted me to go to a conference for a day, but the only place I could pump would be the bathroom, and they didn't even have outlets so I would have to manually pump. I declined to go because of that.
 
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kfitz replied to Emma_WebMD_Staff's response:
If I didn't have the forceful let down issues I would do the whole receivning blanket thing, but she needs to relatch thru her whole feeding on the left side so it isn't quite so easy. I agree that I like the quiet time to bond with DD when we are nursing. I sing songs to her and it helps both of us relax. Thanks for the encouragement!
 
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michelleloehr replied to kfitz's response:
I feed around my mom, dad, dh, and my sister but when my future bil is over I go into the other room for his sake (DH normally goes w/ me to keep me company). Abby likes to delatch and relatch several times during a feeding so I have a hard time keeping covered (when I try to cover her up she actually delatches more making it a real pain in the butt). I don't feel comfortable bf in public places (plus abby is easily distracted and won't eat if it's too noisy) so I do go to changing rooms or out to the car (i just run the heater). I actual enjoy having an excuse to go to a different room when we are at the inlaws. Gives me time to regather my "happy me" which is a requirment otherwise I might tell them what's really on my mind and I don't want to hurt DH that way.
 
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catkem120150 responded:
hi
I came across this as I was brousing the web. I am an aussie mum who bf her children .. now grown up. My little ones were fed everywhere and it is so convenient. The World Health Organisation reccomends feeding for at least 12 months and well into the second year. Have joined a nursing mothers' group? thatis a lovely way to make new friends and be supported.
I find itso amazing that we can look at pop stars and movie stars who expose their breasts ina sexual way and yet we seem to have forgotten why we have breasts. ALL mammals feed their young and it is the most natural thing you can do for your baby. You are giving your baby the BEST start in life.Treasure these lovely times with your baby.
Every week a new amazing thing is discovered in breast milk. As for aPedi who asks youto bf in private so as to not "offend" the mothers I'd be finding a new doctor. I went on to the Gerber site and found that the bf advice was givenby a MD who did not feed her children. I wonder if we would accept advice froma basketball coach or a swimming coach who couldn't paly or swim.
Be confident and nurse discreetly in your own home and if MIL does not like it she can leave!
Well done on your efforts to give baby a health loving start!
 
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phoenix31674 responded:
You know, i've been thinking about the toddler part. I have a 3 year old and from the start I told her that's where baby brother gets his milk. That's been good enough for her. Funny thing is that she will sometimes hold her stuffed Mickey Mouse to her breast and feed and then burp him. Mostly she just burps him. The feeding part isn't all that interesting to her, but she loves making a burping noise.

Seriously though, most kids would be just fine with knowing that's how some babies get their milk while others get it from a bottle. How sad that an educational moment was missed because some mothers are too embarrassed by a perfectly natural event.
 
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AlinasMaMacita replied to phoenix31674's response:
The first time i encountered a woman breastfeeding in public was actually on a plane. No one complained when she did it - they were happy, because beforehand,her baby was screaming. I guess people were more offended by the screaming than the breastfeeding!

Seriously though, I always cover up when I do it in public, mainly because of my own modesty. People have never made any comments to me about it - most just smile and walk on. The more people do it, the more comfortable others will be seeing it. So keep it up!
 
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JessHeath responded:
I am a pretty modest person so I usually don't breastfeed in public, I'm not offended but I'm not good at it so its hard for me to be discreet. I think its beautiful to see a mom nursing in public and my sis was an absolute pro at it. But my other sis ticked me off at Thanksgiving, I wanted to be with the family but I was trying to latch my 4 day old baby and it was a little struggle and she said, "why don't you go into the other room so you have privacy" I'm like, its all family here, immediate family. I told my dad, "well if you want to see my boob, go ahead and look but otherwise look away" and he just laughed, he has 4 daughters so I don't think he was offended. My sister nursed! I don't understand her problem! For Christmas she is just going to have to deal with it or don't look if you are offended. Its not like my boob is hanging out! I try to cover up.
 
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MartinaWilliams responded:
I dont understand why people would be offended by breastfeeding in public. Maybe because where I live (Jamaica) most women just let it out and no one says anything. U will walk on the street here and see mothers tits out n their babies sucking, its something thats encouraged here. Im modest but I wont allow anyone to come in my home n make me feel uncomfortable to feed my child. If anyone feels offended by my bfing then they should leave.
 
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phoenix31674 replied to MartinaWilliams's response:
The US has had a hard time shaking the Puritanical roots of its founding. Many people learn that the human body and its functions are something to be ashamed of, something that has been reinforced in part by religion. It is starting to change some, but there is a long way to go.


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