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Cancer Realities: Outliving Your Prognosis
How can I be a good supporter to my husbands new found needs
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Tanzanite_13 posted:
My husband has been diagnosed with Leukemia recently and I don't know how to react or if I am doing just fine I love him more than I love myself and I just want to be positive I often tear up and cry but I feel like I should hide this from him as if he were to see me cry he might think I have no hope. It is my hope hoping that some people here can help me to better help him after all who better to get advice from then people who have the experience from being in his shoes.
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Elizabeth_WebMD_Staff responded:
Hello Tanzanite_13 -

I am so sorry to hear about your husband's diagnosis.

This information, For Caregivers , from the Leukemia & Lymphoma Society may be helpful. You can also network with your husband's doctor for support groups in your area.

For more information see our Leukemia Directory . And, our blog, Cancer Realities, gives a "real" view of dealing with cancers.

Hopefully you can just be yourself - cry together and laugh together.

Please keep us posted about how both of you are doing,
Elizabeth
 
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lindaCirone responded:
Hi I am sorry to hear about your husband. My name is Linda and I am a 2 time cancer survivor. I had a wonderful family as my care team and some spectacular doctors and of course hope for a future with my family and kids. I feel sad that you think you should hide your feeling from your husband. I think that showing our emotions just shows that we are human and that you love him. Cry together, it will give you strength, when you can tell each other that it is going to be ok and that together you can fight this. For him to be able to comfort you will allow him to feel useful. When I was diagnosed the second time it was devastating. They told me the cancer was stage 4. I was classified as palliative care. I was only 35 and I have three young kids. I cried alot with my husband and I feel it gave me strength knowing how much he cared. Many chose to hide their feeling for many different reasons. He is your husband your closest sole mate. Show him how you feel and it will let him know the unconditional love you have for him and that he must fight like crazy to continue a life with you.
Take good care and I will have you and your husband in my prayers. Stay strong and look to the stars. Always reach out for help. It is there for the taking.
Linda
 
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regdad responded:
We all know men handle things differently than woman do. I am a 48 year old male and have few in my life that are close to me. I was given the cancer sentence in the spring. I started my journey alone and not letting anyone in. I don't like to impose on others and just figured I can handle it all on my own. My partner wants to help, wants to be involved and well this is all new to me. What I found with him and my small group of friends is to let them in to my life. Believe it or not they want to be involved and know how I am doing. Seeing the feelings of others did tell me I wasn't alone and with that when someone did show concern or sadness or tears, it helped me to realize that people really do care about me and it gives you a "kick in the pants", if you will to move on and get better. Regardless of what your husband tells you, seeing your emotions will aid him. We, meaning men, are taught to go things alone, take care of those in our lives, be strong and just go on no matter how we feel. It takes a spouse or a partner or even a good friend to show us that isn't always the best way to be.
Good luck with his care and I wish him every option and chance for remission. Try to be yourself and do what you think he needs; I doubt he'll tell you what he needs or wants. Sometimes just saying, "I can only imagine how you feel" and some human contact by quietly touching him or just hug will give him more medicine than you can imagine. We're tough on the outside but we can be soft on the inside, especially when we are scared. I have this tough-man exterior, but inside knowing and seeing those that care about me let's me know if I wasn't around I really would be missed.
I hope this helps some. There is no right or perfect answer to give you. Follow your head and heart and watch how he responds, that'll tell you the path you should be on to aid him.
 
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Tanzanite_13 replied to regdad's response:
In response to regdad , thank you so much for your advice. I have such a giving heart and to not show him how I care or worry for our future is completely out of my own character. But your advice ( coming from a tough rugged man ) means the world to me. I have been talking to him more about my fears and silly me of course we have the same fears and the same dreams but unfortunately he wishes to push me and the kids out of the equation now basic male he feels that he should take care of it himself so now I have to figure out is it right to give him space or should I stand my ground ... I guess only time will tell but one thing is true I will always be by his side no matter what. I am so happy to hear that you have friends and loved ones to support you so often i see stories on here when people don't have these blessings and I find myself cursing at my PC which is not my most Christlike feature lol. God bless you, you will be in my prayers.


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