Caregiving Community

Social part...you mean like me being the designated friend? Yes, sometimes. I am the caregiver to my child, not a parent. On the one hand, I love knowing my dd in an intimate way, as her best friend, on the other, I wish she had her own friends and that I too, had my own. I try to see that this is the season of my life, but in reality, my season will not end until my life ends. For a person caring for a parent, there is a light at the end of the tunnel. Take care, Louise. I'm sorry you are feeling especially spent.

I cannot believe I found this !!! I have fell into a deep depression over this very thing .....I will have to talk to you more tomorrow.....I don't even have the time to talk now!!! But I need to talk to someone desperately.....sc

Yes, I definitely get tired of that. When I talk to my mom I must always carry the conversational ball, because she says nothing ever goes on with her and so she has nothing to say. I also wonder if she's getting slightly demented and simply is losing the ability to talk about things she does do, like watch TV shows, read magazines and the paper, etc. I find myself just babbling about whatever. And it's hard to want to visit her when I know I'll end up talking endlessly about myself and my life.

So I feel for you. Take care. Judy

Thanks to each of you. I really do hate not wanting to talk with her because I know she feels isolated (but isn't well enough to get out and about to senior programs) and that she doesn't have friends in the area.

On the other hand, ugh, conversations go south fast because she is depressed about her health, about my sister, etc. or she wants to gripe about my ex (uh, he has been my ex for almost a decade and we get along relatively well right now and it isn't my business how he spends his money/time/etc.) Or she gets on my nerves about my partner and how my partner is such a saint for having her live with us or she doesn't want my partner to be angry or whatever. My partner has never been angry at my mother.

Then there is the grouchiness about the times I am available to run her around town. Or can't do something. (Mom-no appointments at the same time I pick up the children every other week on the other side of town from your doctor.) Then she takes everything I say wrong some days. Yesterday she decided that rather than walk around our desks in the way that fits the walker, she would walk on the other side...and use the desks to support her....the desks that have glass tops and are not attached to the supports below-I was sitting at mine and yelled at her to stop that she couldn't do that. (as I leapt to grab the desktop with computer on it that was near to sliding off the other side onto the floor)

Then there is the constant need for reassurance that she is "being a good girl" errr....ok. Or the "No, I don't care what you fix this week for meals" followed by the "why do you serve the same things over and over?" or the "Why don't you order dinner?" (Uh, it will be 50-80.00, not healthy, outside your dietary limits, and while you might be willing to pay for it you already have too much debt.)

ARGH.

Then there is the fact that we don't shop at the supermarkets that have ads in the paper so I end up in conversations about sale items not worth the special trip and her hurt because I don't take her helpful advice. I also don't want to redecorate for just 100.00 as seen on the home and garden show. My kids don't need the special cookie recipe. I don't want to make the triple decadence pancake mousse recipe from the large print romance. Yes, I did know you can get pumpkin patterns on the internet.

She doesn't understand my job. I try to explain endlessly but she doesn't get it or want to get it. I don't go out often. I don't watch tv. I don't read books that interest her because I am often reading something that interests one of my teens. I don't like to shop. I don't know her old friends. (She moved away from my home state (well, the state where I was born and raised) to live nearer to my other sister in 2001 and made a lot of friends there)

Ooops, sorry, I didn't mean to rant so long. I suppose the biggest issue for me is that I love my mom. I love the fact that I am not worrying long distance and that I have a clearer picture of things. But, I also really miss the mom I had and loved to spend time with well past the time I grew up and moved away from home. My kids and partner don't know that mom of mine. I wish they did. And darn it, sometimes I just want my "real" mom back.