Caregiving Community

NEED HELP/ADVICE/ANYTHING: I am married to a very kind loving man who puts me first even with his COPD. However, he wants me more physically and mentally than I give him. We used to be just fine until we moved 7 years ago to Tucson. During these years in Tucson I had ovaries removed, hysterectomy, have no friends, even though I have joined running, hiking, swimming and T'ai Chi classes/groups, I still can't connect with others to get to that friend stage.

The worst came two years ago when I was working F/T, going to school at night, caring for my husband (when his condition turned to oxygen 24/7 and disability at home with a couple long trips to hospital per year), 18 year old daughter (after 4 years with my ex) back in my life for college in Tucson, I had a MAJOR breakdown. I was then diagnosed with Bipolar with Depression (which I knew I had since my teen years - had all the symptoms), been hospitalized 5 times for attempted suicide and still have very very difficult time wanting to stay alive, but don't want to because I love my husband and my daughter very much (relationships good with both, even though tension on the husband side.) I am very lost, pretend all the time, sometimes don't get out of bed for days, misuse my medications and lie to my husband about it. I have a wonderful psychiatrist and psychologist and have adjusted the meds to a place we think are good (although I guess not or I would'nt feel this way.) I know I'm RAMBLING, but I'm beside myself with what to do/not do, strength is just not there to keep me on a regular or any kind of routine of food, exercise, sleep, etc. SO WHAAT DO I DO??????