Hello: I don't know where to start. My mother is quite ill at the moment. She was diagnosed with Altzheimer's about 18 months ago which has progressed. She also has other physical ailments. She has COPD, emphezemia, on oxygen 24/7, extreme edema (in which she is on Lasix), she has silent aspiration and GERD. She came down with a severe UTI in June and with that she took a turn for the worst. She spent 3 weeks in a rehab center and after I realized she will never gain any strength back, my brother and I took her out and placed her back in her assisted living facility which she calls "home." She can no longer walk and requires a 3 man assist to lift her from bed and/or chair to wheelchair. Her eating is not what it was at all. She is on a honey/necter (thickened) diet, she cannot swallow well at all and we were told she is loosing the ability to do so. Now, with all the other issues, her legs are blown up with fluid (edema) as well as her feet. She cannot even wear a sock. She is also "weeping" fluid from her legs and feet. She was no Namenda but was taken off as they felt it would not do her any good to continue. Two weeks ago Hospice put her on oxycodone for back pain. I live in NY and fly down to see her two times a month and I am scared. She is now under the care of Hospice which is wonderful. Has anyone every gone through a similar type of issue with a loved one? She does know who I am but says nothing and will only answer with a nod of her head, yes or no. Please, any words of encouragement or even if they are not so encouraging will be appreciated. Thanks,
Karen in New York
Thanks for your Reply!
My prayers are with you, your mother and your family. My mother was on oxygen 24/7, sleep apnea, and pain meds for many medical issues she had. My sister did a great job taking care of her as long as she could, but eventually Hospice had to take over. My mom did not remember well and barely ate food. Shortly after she passed on, but even with all the love and help you can give and prayers you can send, your loved one leaves us and is finally at peace. This is tremendously hard on you, traveling, and living your life. Hang in there and understand that your mom would much rather be at peace than to have you going through such a rough time. I just love living on my memories and think of both my parents every day. I know they are watching over me as eventually your mother will do the same. Best wishes and remember even though losses aren't easy, we always make it through, somehow. Just so you know, I have been making it through Bipolar with depression and suicide attempts for two years now. I'm still hear, doing so much better and everything does pass and we continue our lives by asking for help like you did with this post.
Hello: First, thank you for your response and even taking the time to share with me your most troubled times. I really appreciate it. I spoke with Hospice today and my mom now has sores all over her legs as the water she is retaining has no where to go but "out" of her skin. Her skin cannot stretch any more. Yes, so true, she probably does wish she would just go peacefully as so my brothers and I do not have to watch her suffer. I can relate to your trouble with Bipolar. My younger son (22 yrs of age) was just diagnosed with Bipolar. He has struggled with depression for many years and they have finally diagnosed him with such. Unfortunately, I live in fear each and every day of him taking his life. His best friend (when he was 16) put a gun to his head and took his life. A year later my daughter (20 at the time, younger son then 17) had a co-worker they were good friends with hang herself. So, my younger son sees it can be done and it is my fear, as he can be suicidal, will follow through. Thankfully he is under the best care we could find for him and is now on a good path, although I know that can change. ALL my thoughts are with you., I can't imagine how you must feel and struggle but please, remain strong and know your life is precious. At times we think we are not needed but everyone has a purpose in this world and everyone is special in their own right. I am anxiously awaiting my flight to see my mother on 9/12. I know the time is coming quickly for her and I know time heals all, just as it did with my father almost 17 years ago now. But, I must say, as my mother's only daughter, well, it is going to hurt tremendously but I will stay strong and have a wonderful family to help me through this. Thanks for your words and you, although I have never met you, will be in my thoughts. Karen.
I also been in the same situation with my mom. At 66 she acquired dementia. Im thje youngest (out of 6 kids) and the only single left so i was obliged to take care of my mom. My two siblings were responsible for mom's long term care expenses but I was the one who carried all the mundane tasks for her. She had severe depression in the first three months after she was diagnosed with the disease. She also started to act like a five-year-old, but by God's grace I was able to pass all those burdens I had with her and the family.
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