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Grandpa
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bhenderson0684 posted:
Hey community. My name is Britney and I am 27 years old. 3 years ago my mother moved out of the house that is conviently located next to my grandpa. I was worried that there would not be anyone going to visit him considering I have an aunt and uncle, 2 cousins and one brother. Only one of the cousins is younger then me. So My boyfriend and I moved in next door so my grandpa would have company everyday and have someone close if something were to happen. At this time my grandpa was doing everything by himself. At this time he is 78. Let me make it very clear of my situation. I am 27 and have been putting off my life to make sure my grandpa is well taken care of. My brother and cousins are currently in school and working. My uncle and his wife are LOADED my aunt is in her upper 40s and retired from HP. My uncle has 2 welding business' that he just sold. I work a full time job and have been wanting and waiting to start my life and finish school get a better job, buy a house and start a family. About 7 years ago my granpa had a kidney transplant and it worked very well til about 1 year ago. He is now has 10% of his kidney functioning. He has major difficulties moving around. Every task is a TASK in itself. It takes him 20+ minutes to get dressed, he needs help off the couch, he doesn;t cook, clean or hardly bath by himself anymore. At this very moment he is in the hospital bc he has so much toxic material in his blood that he cant eat, pee, drink, nothing. except lay there and sleep. He just had emergency dialysis and seemed to b feeling better. Needless to say he will be coming home shortly if he continues to get better. Only problem is the family wants him to move into the house I am living in. Which indirectly makes me main caregiver. He will need 24 hour service. I am working a full time job 7-5 then I go to school 2-4 nights a week from 6-10 pm. That means I would be out of the house from 7-11. No time to take care of my grandpa. I feel very awful for not being there as much as I would like but I cannot put off my life anymore so everyone else can continue on with what they do. It is my mom and my uncles responsiblity to take care iof there father. I have one. Plus I do not want to ever have to make a life changing desicion or have to help him take a shower or wipe his butt. I do not think that is something the granddaughter should do. Please help me. I need help and FAST. My grandfather will be leaving the hospital soon and I dont know what to do. I need to talk to my uncle but I am not sure what to say and I dont want to make anyone upset with my decsions. PleaSE HElp
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2010guardian responded:
Hello Britney,

You are such a loving and caring person. I've never heard of a young person caring so much for a grandparent. You have gone above and beyond in helping and making memories with your grandpa. You have received more blessings through this than anyone else possibly can.

No one expects you to put your life on hold. You have made that choice. So you must be firm and determined not to allow your relatives to give you a guilt feeling or to make you think you are responsible for your grandpa. The people who want to move him in with you, are very selfish and self-centered people.

There are some things you can do immediately for your support sysytem:
#1 Make and appointment with the hospital social worker. Tell her very frankly how you feel. Through this, she can help through talking with the responsible people.
#2 thru this, talk to his doctor and let him know that you cannot continue to take care of grandpa since he is in such bad condition.
#3 talk to a lawyer. if you have not signed papers to become grandpa's durable medical power of attorney, then find out who is legally responsible. As you say, I'm sure it would be his children who don't want to face this issue.
#4 Be strong and firm! Contact your pastor, priest, or even a clergyman in the hospital. You need spiritual strength and support.

Grandpa's condition sounds severe and it sounds like he will need 24 hr. care. His doctor can write that order, and grandpa can go to a home which provides this care.

I'm talking from experience. My husband, being the youngest, was the one to take care of his mother. He moved her into our home and expected me to care for her while I was working and to come home at lunch to fix her something to eat, plus call on break or go home on break and check on her. Most of the time, he was enjoying himself some place else. When I quit work due to weakness, he then would not let me off the property because Mom might have to go to the bathroom. I felt I had a log chain around my ankle and was chained to her bed. I was so depressed. I finally told him he would have to chose between me and his mother, as I could not go on anymore like this. Not long after this, his Mom was in the hospital. We talked to the social worker and I told the doctor that I couldn't take care of her anymore. So he wrote up the order stating that she needed 24 hr. care and she was placed in a nursing home. So it was made easier on us since the doctor told her she needed 24 hr medical care.
I will be praying for you and your family.

Kathy


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