Sole caregiver at 66 for 90yo mother in my home....
Any tips welcome for keeping my spirits up? I retired after 49 years of work in Jan so am feeling a bit isolated. Don't want to burden friends - nnone are in same situation. Happy to hear from others though!
I know what you are going through. I have siblings but has been hard to get consistant help. My mom is in a nursing home now which I think if she had the right help, she could have stayed in asst living. She got down to 92 lbs and it was hard getting help from family to even go feed her. I recently got into an argument with 2 of my sisters and my brother. They all have stated that it's my choice to take care of our mom. I don't understand except satan wants people not to have compassion. I think these last 13 years have taken it's toll. I have been out of work the past 2 weeks but am in good spirits! Take one day at a time. E-mail me anytime! Barbara (BRorie@aol.com )
Hi Barbara! I have recently taken on the care of my 81 year old mom. She previously lived in an apartment with my aunt(her sister) until my mom had a stroke and my aunt was getting treatment for breast cancer. My aunt could no longer care for her so she moved to my brothers 1 hour away. She lived with my brother for about 6 mos but he and his girlfriend who is an RN, work so she has come to stay with me and my family. It is becoming very overwhelming because I am the only one who can address the private issues ofcourse. I have a sister 20 minutes away but she has never even asked if I need any help even though I have told her I am getting overwhelmed. I guess her life is more important than mine even though I am married with 2 kids. It helps with me having CNA training and previously doing homehealth but different when it is your own family member especially your mom. The last thing you want to hear is "It was your choice." That is not the point. My mom took care of everyone in our family for years and now it is her time to be taken care of. If my siblings cant see that then I have no need for them. Good luck with your mom and god bless you!!
I also retired from full time employment to be able to be here more for both my parents. Gosh! It's hard to believe it's been 2 years now since I retired. Even working part-time sometimes causes major conflicts with the care that I feel is needed when it's needed. I certainly know the feeling of isolation. You're right. You don't want to burden your friends but you also tend to lose touch with them because of your responsibilities. There are times when I feel I'm "all in" and have nothing left to give. Those moments are when my faith sees me through and I'm strengthened.
I have been looking for a group for support of adult caretakers of elderly parents and I hope I can give to this group as well as receive information, support, and advice.
I understand your feelings when it comes to family members and their choices of involvement with the daily care and decisions with your mother.
I was not blessed with children, but am blessed to be able and present to provide assistance to both my parents now. You're right. It was my choice to retire early and my choice to care for my parents. But a choice made from respect, love, and commitment that I also feel other family just does not make a priority in their lives. Hang in there, and know you have others who are praying for you and willing to chat, listen, and just always willing to be "hear" for you.
Hi there, Now you have got enough time to free yourself from all busy schedules and this is the time to keep you relaxed. The feeling of loneliness and depression is common in seniors. the best thing to avoid this is, be engaged in social activities or something you would like to do apart from your office work. It can be gardening, walk-outs or some fun activities. If you cannot help you, then spend your time peers. They are feeling the same and hence they would be happy if you talk to them. Today, many senior living homes organize beneficial events for seniors and it is worth attending those.
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