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    Louise_WebMD_Staff posted:
    How are things going at your home? How is the person you are providing care for doing? How are you doing?

    It has been a crazy busy week for me just in general. My mom has been doing ok but she had a migraine for a few days and hasn't really been up and about this week. I am hoping that I can take her out tomorrow morning to breakfast and the farmer's market. Either that or breakfast and the nursing home.

    Starting tomorrow afternoon, my younger three children will be here for two weeks straight-the first time in years. We are excited...but I am a bit nervous about balancing work, caregiving and kids full time.
    mslrl responded:
    I hope that your mom is feeling better...

    Good luck with the balance, and most of all, enjoy the kids

    We've had a very rough week...
    Louise_WebMD_Staff responded:
    I am sorry to hear that. Want to talk about it? Or would you rather talk about anything but it?
    mslrl responded:
    My friend has decided (this week, anyways) that she is tired of fighting. She refused to go to her two dr. appts. She won't take her meds.

    Unfortunately, she goes between periods of clear mindedness and confusion. Since she's been out of the hospital last, she seems very clear minded. How do you tell a clear minded person they have to keep fighting? If she was confused when she made the decison, I'd feel differently.

    I understand (well, maybe I don't) that she must be tired. I know the battle isn't enjoyable. I know it's exhausting. I'm not in her shoes, but I travel the road with her. Yes, she's terminal, and eventually, fighting or not, she's going to die. It just seems like accepting death admist a fight would be easier than accepting death because she's given up on hope...

    I thought maybe after a couple days, she'd change her mind. And maybe she will, but so far, she remains firm. I don't know how to react, other than feeling completley helpless...
    Louise_WebMD_Staff responded:
    Have you talked to her doctor about this and the fact that she won't take her meds? That would be my first step.

    Hang in there.
    mslrl responded:
    The two appointments we missed last week were with the liver specialist and the infectious disease doctor.

    I believe her next appointment with the PCP is next week, but I may call before then. I went ahead and crushed up two of her medications (the two I think are most important) and put in in her breakfast this morning-that's what I do when she's not in her right mind and refuses to take her meds. I almost feel guilty...BUT I'm her caretaker. Maybe it's my responsibility, right mind or not?
    GAP1954 responded:
    You are in a challenging situation. You want to hold on to your friend as long as possible and it sounds as though the struggle has become very exhausting for her. Are you participating in a support group of some kind? It would be helpful for you to meet others who are sharing the same burden of caregiving in this situation. There is a good book you might find at the library or at Amazon -"Crossing Over" by David Barnard and others.

    Is your friend able to be mobile? If so, I encourage you to get out of the house. Spend time at parks, shopping centers, anything you can. Even if getting out means a lot of work and logistical effort - being away from the confines of the sick bed/house/hospital etc. does help make things better.

    Do you have a counselor, priest, minister, rabbi or someone you can confide in. Trying to go through the slow losing of a loved one all by yourself is really hard. You need a comforting hand yourself.

    Take Care
    mslrl responded:
    No, I'm not active in any support group...this is it

    I'll check out the book...

    Her mobility is limited. We get out at least once every weekend, but I usually shoot for twice. If nothing else, it helps all of our sanity.

    This is hands down, the hardest thing I've ever done...Sigh.

    It gets better, right?
    Louise_WebMD_Staff responded:
    I sure hope so!
    bensboo1973 responded:
    Hey all, haven't been here n a few weeks. Sorry some of u r having so many difficulties. Hope u have an enjoyable visit with the kids Louise. My dad is doin ok, well as can b expected. Accidents r still happening sporadically, some worse then others. He sleeps alot. He's been surrounded by his grandchildren alot since summers here. As for myself, I've been exhausted. I'm up late with dad, up early with the kids, an busy tryna keep my house in order without losin my mind.

    I hope u all have a wonderful weekend! Hang in there an stay strong. Always remember, what will b will b. We're jus here to make the process easier.
    Louise_WebMD_Staff responded:
    I understand the up late, up early, and house flying into a mess at a drop of a hat.

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